Thursday, May 7, 2015

Navigating the World of Playground Etiquette

Adly is at the age now where her favorite place to be is the neighborhood park. She asks to go daily, sometimes more than once a day. We live in a city, with no backyard, so I get it. It's her place of freedom where she can run free and be a kid.

As a parent, it's a whole different world. Suddenly I'm finding myself thrown into a whole new social gathering that can be nice, awkward, and sometimes just plain hurtful or rude.

Adly isn't old enough yet for me to just sit on the bench and let her play. She still likes to make random daredevil moves towards high up openings. Or she just enjoys mama watching her as she runs like the wind to go down the big slide for the fiftieth time in a row. Therefore, I'm up walking around with her the whole time, along with five other parents hovering over their own little daredevils. 

Adly is very social with other toddlers now. She looooves making friends at the park. She calls them by their names, they hug, they hold hands, and they run and yell together. It is so cute and always tugs at my parent heart strings. Adly is one-on-one with an adult every day still, and I always second guess whether she's missing out on something socially.

Anyways, that's besides the point. So far, Adly has met some really nice toddlers to run and play with, who also have relatively nice moms with them. We follow the girls around and have quick conversations about their ages, how silly they are, when we're having a second child, etc. You see, all of the other parents following their kids around are always other first time helicopter parents. When the second child comes, they'll be running free as soon as they can walk so mama can get some quiet time on the bench. 

Most of these moms are cordial. It's awkward and I get it. For the most part we chat quickly, smile, and then focus on our own kids. One time, I met a mom that was very friendly. She asked so many questions in such a great conversational way. I liked her immediately. Within minutes of chatting and moving into a real conversation, I learned that she used to be a teacher too. Of course she has great conversational skills. We talk for a living! That day, Adly was in a non-friend mood and more interested in doing her own thing. I was bummed because she was genuinely someone I would've wanted to become friends with. We left shortly after Adly jumped down from her swing, so I didn't get a chance to reach out and ask for her number or to set up a play date.

Meeting new mommy friends is totally like sober dating. You start chatting, ask a few questions, see if you're on the same page as moms. They have a daughter around the same age. You like talking with the mom and the girls seem to like each other. You awkwardly ask for their number or ask to meet again. Or you consider all of these options, but don't actually have the balls to do it--which is usually my case. You leave feeling elated at the score of a new number- and possibly a new friend. Or you leave bummed that you missed an opportunity. 

See that there? Yeah that's what we used to do with the help of a lot of Miller Lites and help from the darkness of a stinky bar and loud music. Now it's just us, our coffees, the sun, and shrieking kids. 

Then there's the other type of kids and parents. Ugh. Thankfully I've only run into them once. And it was yesterday. It drove me to write again so I'm clearly fired up about it still. These are the bitches of the playground. (Excuse my French, but as I told Adam this story and my daughter chimed in with "nitches!!" I felt the retelling deserved credit with the word, since clearly Adly and I felt the same way). 

It started with the kid. Adly was happily sliding down the toddler slide with a handful of other kids, going down, running up the stairs, and going down again. Round and round. They each took turns as they went, being very nice to each other. Then this adorable little girl with long blonde locks entered the scene. Adly turned to her at the top of the slide to say hi. With her back to me, all I saw was the little girls head shaking in the shoulder-popping, finger-shaking "oh no you di-nt!!!" style. Full of attitude. Adly balked at her, as if saying "Umm you're weird." Then she slid down the slide and went on her merry way. 

Minutes later, Adly wandered over to a pink push car just like ours- but it's pink. Adly loves these little push cars (she just got a red one) and she loves the color pink. Perfect storm. She was looking intently at it as I was trying to guide her away from it explaining that it wasn't ours. The mom guarding it never looked up from her phone while Adly and I had the exchange about the car in front of her. I redirected her back to the slides and she went down a few more times. 

Minutes later, Adly headed back towards the car. This time, I see the same little long haired B of a girl taking to her mom. "Ohhhh..." I think. "Now I see where the kid gets it." I know. I'm a total Judgey McJudgerson. As soon as the girl sees Adly walking near, she jumps in the car and goes "You can't come over here! This is MY car!" 

I jumped into teaching mommy mode by saying to Adly "Yep, that's her car and we have our own. Let's go back to the slides or swings or we can go and see our car." As I'm doing this, and guiding Adly away, the mom stands up in a huff and says to her little girl, "I think we have to go now, since it's clear this little girl doesn't want to leave your car alone."

I'm sorry, what?!? I was so taken aback I didn't have the thought to stop to let my typical inner Kage Rage out. But seriously?! I'm sorry my child wanted to "look" at your child's car that is just like hers- but in pink. Yes. You are the better mom for buying your child every gender specific item she ever dreamed of. And NOW I see exactly where your child gets her demeanor from.

Humph. And that's when playground etiquette is hard. When you have to deal with bitches. And unlike in the good ole bar days, there are no bottles to send flying when someone cuts you and your daughter down.

For now I'll be working on my sassy, undercutting comebacks in the event we run into any other awful mother/daughter duos. You know, the kind of remarks that the person won't realize were a total cutdown until you've starting walking away with a smug smile on your face.

I know, I am definitely not a bigger person. 

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