Transitions

It's been over a month since I've returned to work, so I thought I'd update on the progress. In the beginning, I have to admit, it was awful. It was definitely much more difficult than I expected, but in ways that I wasn't necessarily expecting.

On one hand, a perk to my job is the fact that I don't stop moving or thinking from the time I set foot into my classroom. Therefore, I never had time to sit down and dwell over the fact that I was no longer spending my days watching my little one grow. I'm thankful for that.

On the other hand, my job (like most jobs) is mentally draining and exhausting. So my transition back to work as a mom has been harder in ways that I wasn't expecting. Yes, I miss Adly constantly while I'm at work. But she's in great hands at home with her daddy. The hardest part of the transition for me has actually been figuring out how to balance work and home life.

Prior to having Adly, I had no problem staying for hours after work to toil away organizing and planning on a regular basis. I also used to get to work a mere 30 minutes before they day began. These days, I find myself waking up at 5:30am to begin my day and get ready before 6. Around that time, Adly tends to wake up and then she nurses and I pump at the same time. Multi-tasking at it's finest. 

We usually have time for about 10 minutes of mommy and Adly play time before we wake Adam up so I can finish with running around packing up for the day. Then I'm out the door to get to work by 7 and I don't stop going until the bell rings at 3:15pm. Soon after school is over, I head home with any paperwork, grading, or planning items I may need to work on that night. When I get home, Adam and Adly are usually awaiting my return. I'm so lucky Adly loves giving big, slobbery kisses because that is by far my favorite part of every day.

We usually get a little more play time in before she's down for a one-hour power nap, then it's up to eat, play, and then bath time. Once Adly is down at 7, it's time to cook, eat, and then relax/work/talk to my husband before I pass out usually around 9:30.

Sure, my schedule is just like so many working mommy's schedules out there. My hat is off to all of them. I will say that I'm slowly but surely getting into the swing of things, but it is not easy by any means. I'm mentally and physically zapped at the end of the day. But, I know it gets easier. It has to. I have so many friends with two and three kids...and they do it! So as I'm entering into the middle of February and six weeks into being a working mommy, I'm trying to remember that it will only continue to get better. That I'll one day begin to feel a normal balance again....even if that day seems light years away at this point.

But at the very least, this little sock eating monkey certainly makes it all worthwhile.

Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho...

It's back to work I go....or I'm trying to....

This week, I was set to return back to work as a teacher to many little bitties. I absolutely love teaching and I've definitely missed it. But I do have to say, I also loved being able to stay home with Adly for six months more than I ever could have imagined.

The "back to work" behemoth mountain of dread has been looming for over a month as this ever-impending thing I knew was going to happen sooner than later. To be honest, it got to the point where I just wanted to get it over with. Unfortunately, Mother Nature had other plans and sent us into an arctic blast for two days, therefore pushing back my start date. Two days in which thankfully the officials took notice of and decided that little ones shouldn't be walking to and from school in -40 something wind gusts. I have to say, I wasn't sure if all the hype was for reals. Then I bundled up and went outside to clean off my car the first day. Within 5 minutes, I lost feeling in my fingertips and my nostrils were frozen. This weather is no joke!

Either way, my leave has now been extended by an extra two days. Leading up to my return to work, I am convinced Adly sensed something was changing. Call it an instinct, call it crazy, but I swear she knew. This could've also had to do with a change in my own demeanor as well, but either way it melted my heart. In the last week, she has become much more clingy with mommy, developing this fast-paced breathing like she's going to panic every time I walked away from her. She has also started doing much more cuddling, nestling up under my neck and sucking her thumb. And then, the biggest thing, this Sunday she kissed me for the first time!

A big, open-mouth, drooly kiss from my almost 6 month old.

I cried. Or rather, I sobbed.

We were looking at each other in the mirror (her favorite thing to do these days) when I kissed her on the cheek. She then grabbed my face and planted a big fat one on my own cheek.

I came out of the bedroom crying and had to pass her off to daddy so I could collect myself. I kind of thought it was coincidental and maybe it had happened just to give me that extra push of, "It's ok, mama. I still love you. I'll be fine and so will you."

But then that night, she did it again....and again. Seriously, it's the best sendoff I ever could've received from my favorite little girl.

Mama loves you my little buggy boo!!

Baby B's First Swag

Today Baby B got his/her first winter hat and booties to keep its little feet warm next winter. Oh my gosh it took every ounce of me not to start bawling in front of all my students when I opened it. One of my sweet little ones picked it out and brought it in today as a gift. Its Baby B's first clothing present!

Look at these!! Made me tear up even laying it out to take a picture. I can just picture our little owl all bundled up in these.

So far, I've largely avoided shopping in infant sections of stores. I'm not sure if its because it hasn't hit me yet that I'm having a baby (most likely) or for fear of buying the entire store without blinking an eye. I've always loved shopping for other people's babies....but I've never imagined shopping for my very own. Needless to say, I'm very excited to hit the stores, especially after receiving this today. Its like it was some kind of validation for me to not feel crazy for shopping in baby stores for "my own".

Last night, A and I headed over to our friends Laura and Zach's for dinner. They too are expecting their first child and Laura is only 1 month ahead of me. She's been great to give me the lowdown on whats heading my way as she experiences everything. They so kindly cooked us dinner, although I'm not sure how much I even ate. I don't think Laura and I stopped talking once. It was so awesome to hang out with someone who's in the same boat as me. Don't get me wrong- I have ah-MAZING friends. But all those amazing friends can still drink. And most haven't had a baby. So it was nice to catch up with a friend who knows exactly what I'm going through-right in the moment of it all- even though she's definitely had a rougher go of it than I have ;).

Even better, Laura felt her first kicks last week and the baby's been boppin' away inside her since. I even got to feel it kick after dinner! Such an amazing thing it is, creating a baby. I certainly loved my glimpse into the next few weeks and am patiently (impatiently) waiting for my real bump to show and baby's first kicks.

Happy Wednesday!

xo
K

This is life as I know it...

This is what my long weekend has looked like so far. The orange folder holds 3 hours worth of grading that I completed today. The rest is for tomorrow and Monday. I'm actually embarrassed at how far behind I am. Although, this is not unusual. I am an unbelievable expert at procrastination. Especially when it comes to things I don't like doing. And one of those things is grading.

I. dread. it.

So what do I do? Quarter after quarter after quarter, I procrastinate until the very last minute and spend a hellish week doing nothing but grading and getting all grades in by the skin of my teeth. Then I swear up and down that I will never, EVER procrastinate on grading again. And then it happens the next quarter...like clockwork. I'm so damn predictable.

Unfortunately, right now I find myself fearing how this will effect me next year. Next year, I won't just have A distracting me...I'll have a sweet little one. One who I'd much rather snuggle with, cuddle with, play with and give kisses to than do grading. What am I going to do? I'm starting to find myself asking how on earth working moms do it more than ever before. I know they do it all and I know I will too. It just seems like an idea that is so abstract right now I cannot wrap my head around it.

So for now, I sit in my pile of papers cursing myself for my procrastinating ways and yet again promising myself I will never, EVER wait this long again. Until next quarter of course.

xo,