Dating While Married.

Last night, I had Adly's preschool orientation. I know. It's here. My oldest baby is officially off to school. And because I can't handle my emotions, I chose to attend the orientation instead of the first day. I was starting to regret that decision. I mean, I'm her mom. I should obviously be there for the first day, right?!! Only, as I sat in the classroom listening to her teacher tell us all the amazing things she's going to be doing and learning this year, I caught sight of something with her name on it. My mind quickly wandered off to the first time we met and when she seemed so small and life was so, so hard. And how we got through that together and how she grew into this amazing, caring little being who is now my ultimate sidekick. And as these thoughts came rushing in, so did the tears. I continued to turn around "looking", trying to dry my tears before any parents could notice the crazy mom who couldn't control her emotions.

Thankfully, in between my awkward stares at the floor and all around the room trying to choke back tears, I caught sight of this mom who gave me a knowing glace and a smile. Of course, I did the awkward smile back and then immediately had to check over my shoulder to make sure I wasn't mistaken and she was actually smiling at her BFF standing behind me. 

Luckily for me, she was looking at me. As we all quietly shuffled to the next room I made some random comment toward her and her husband about being emotionally unstable about my 3 year old entering pre-k and how I, of all people as a teacher, should know she's going to be JUST fine. She replied that she too was a teacher and her first daughter was also starting in the three year old program. My heart began to flutter at the possibility. A new mom friend?! Could it be? No, no it's too good to be true. 

I calmed myself down as we went room to room. As we toured the school, we kept bumping into each other at each stop and continued to find more things in common. She has a 9 month old girl too. She commutes for her job. She was exhausted last night after a long day with her students. And she was so nice! 

After an hour and a half of draining emotional turmoil, I headed out into the cool night. My new "friend" and her husband stepped out the same time I did as we talked about the first day. I knew I had to go for it, but man it is so scary. What if I was rejected? What if she really didn't like me? What if she already has enough friends? What if she doesn't like to pound wine after a long week? (I quickly shooed that idea away though, I mean, come on...she's a teacher!)

As we were awkwardly saying our goodbye's I stammered out the official ask. "So, can I have your number?" 

I mean, that's seriously what I said. Because I have issues. But can you blame me? I left the comfort of my city four months ago, and besides the one mom I stalked on the walk to the car repair shop, I haven't met any new moms! 

Thankfully, she excitedly (I think...or maybe it was just my excitement that made me think she was excited) replied that she would love to exchange numbers and get together with our kids. We then had a great laugh about how awkward it was that her husband was there while I was trying to ask his wife out. Now that I think about it, I sure hope they understood my humor.....

Meeting new mom friends is absolutely like dating. Except you're sober. And there's usually crazy kids running around interrupting your conversations. It usually takes a few hang outs to decide whether your ideals, child raising tactics and drinking preferences mesh. And if all of the above match, then you've definitely found yourself a lifelong friend. You're almost guaranteed to be friends no matter what when your children's ages/sexes match up as well. 

I'm not yet sure where this newfound friendship will go. But I'm excited for what it may become. We've exchanged our first obligatory texts. Since I made the first move, I'm going to wait until after the first day of school to text again. Hopefully she responds and we actually get to have our first official "date", kids and all. 

4 Months

During the last month, Adam and I celebrated 6 glorious years together and then we headed off to Arizona for a two week long family vacation. It was a good, long vacation for all of us and we certainly enjoyed the weather. Our trip took up most of February, so the month went by fairly quickly. 

This month was definitely Ellie's most difficult time so far. We spent a lot of it trying to figure out who this screaming child was, and what happened to our sweet, quiet, always sleeping baby!? After a lot of trial and error, it appears that poor Ellie was being underfed.

I'm sorry to out you Ellie....but this was literally what most of our month looked like. 

Ever since she arrived, my milk production has been much lower than it was with Adly. All I can gather is that Ellie slept so much in the beginning, that she didn't eat as much as Adly did, which lowered my production. And because I didn't pump to keep production high, it quickly tapered off. Therefore, especially in the last month, any time I've even tried pumping, I've only gotten 1-2 ounces. In the last week and a half, we've been using frozen milk and slowly switched over to formula. And since then, the difference in her demeanor has been night and day. It makes me feel terrible for letting it go for so long. And is just another reminder that even the second time around, these babies are a constant mystery!

I remember when I weaned with Adly I had a lot of sentimental moments and felt guilty and so on. However this time around I was more than happy to make the switch. There wasn't an ounce of sadness for some reason. I think it was because I saw how much more she needed and I just couldn't provide it. We are still nursing at random times, and I'll likely continue that as long as my body will allow. But for the most part she is on formula at this point. 

Ellie has also completely scheduled herself as far as sleeping goes. I throw my hands up on this one. I worked so hard with Adly to make it happen...and I have no idea how, but Ellie just fell right into it. Maybe it was because Adly is already so routined it just naturally forced it. But whatever it was, I am so grateful for it. Throughout the last month, she seemed to be working out the kinks with sleeping through the night. There were some occasional wake ups and some occasional screaming fits at bedtime, both of which I now believe came from hunger. Either way, she's been sleeping 7am-6am for most of the month. And she is like clockwork. Being minutes off creates a screaming banshee. As soon as nighttime fell into place, naps followed right behind. She now naps two hours in the morning, one to two hours in the afternoon, and then a little hour long catnap in the early evening. I'm not kidding, and I don't know how it happened. It just did. Adly took months and months to nail down naps. I do think I probably naturally implemented a lot more routine than I did with Adly because this time around it is now second nature. So that likely helped.

We also officially dropped the pacifier this month. While it was so helpful to calm her in touchy situations (most of the time), she really prefers her thumbs way more. Somehow, both of my girls are full on thumbsuckers. I have mixed emotions about it. I know it by far has helped them become really good sleepers. But I also know, getting them to stop will be an uphill battle. I just hope that as they age, they don't hold onto it as I know some kids do.

She has found her voice in the last week or so and it is really the cutest thing I've seen. Before she came, I was already worrying that the poor girl would never be able to get a word in with her big sister running the show. Thankfully, so far, I appear to be wrong in my worries. She loves to "sing" at the top of her lungs and experiment with different sounds. She does this the most when she's laying on her play mat. She has also taken an interest in toys. She swats at them and tries to pull them into her mouth. Her big sister has had a REALLY hard time seeing all these new, tempting baby toys come out of storage. We've definitely had our share of "sharing with sister" talks...although Ellie could really care less that her sister constantly steals her toys from her.

Big sissy helping little sissy with tummy time. 

Ellie has little interest in rolling over so far, although she will sometimes attempt it when on her tummy (I think only because she wants off of her tummy). I am, self admittedly, terrible with implementing tummy time. However when we do it, I roll her over so she can get the sensation of it and man, does she HATE it. So I'm not going to be surprised if she's late to the party on that development.

Our winter wonderland of family time is all too quickly winding down, and I will soon be faced with the dreaded return to work. We were unbelievably lucky that our timing worked out just as we had hoped. I don't know how I would have survived had Adam not been home to tag team with me. I know, it sounds spoiled rotten. But I maintain that I was just not mentally equipped with the tools to handle newborns on my own. It is, to me, the hardest job on the face of the planet. Especially in the first three months.

While I'm having a hard time mentally preparing to leave little Ellie with someone else, Adly is desperately in need of a new person to come in to play with her. She is definitely bored with mom and dad and ready for some different interaction. There is another part of me that is also ready to get back to work and see my kiddos I left what now seems like light years ago. It will be interesting to come in at the end of the year and see how much they've grown as students and little people.

My girls. 

For our last month at home, I'm headed to Nashville for my future sister in law's bachelorette party and we are busy planning "lasts" to do as a family before Adam heads into his crazy busy season. This last month for Ellie was such a big one of growth, I can't wait to see what March brings for us.

Six years...so many memories! 

Ready for my first flight!

 Family selfie in Sedona. 

 Happy girl, poolside.

 Another happy girl in the sun. 

She was happy...some of the time!  

 Dada and his girls. 

 Tucson to see uncle Chris and aunt Cole!

 Papa and Tata came too!

Love you to pieces, Miss Eleanor. 

So I Made A Quilt.

I am not a quilter. Nor am I necessarily a sewer. I'm a find-a-project-and-doer. I just decide I'm going to do something and then spend some time convincing myself I totally know what I'm doing. Sometimes I may stop and take an extended break along the way due to fears of what's next, but I always find a way to finish. Call it whatever you like, it's probably mostly crazy.

Last winter, I saw an idea for a baby onesie quilt on a super beautiful blog. And I was all like, "wow that is so cool. I think I could totally do that. I kind of know how to sew." So the idea spun around in my head for the better part of six months. I just couldn't let the idea go no matter how much it intimidated me. I procrastinated when we found out we were pregnant again to wait until I found out the sex. That way I'd know what onesies to use and what to save.

In hindsight, it really didn't matter if baby #2 was a boy or a girl. This project was truly a walk through a boxed up time capsule. The bottom line is, there were a lot of outfits that Adly wore that would always remind me of, well, Adly. And I wouldn't necessarily ever put them on her future little sister. Some blatantly had her name on them, others were just special from an experience we had or pictures I took that I now treasure from various moments in time. 

I wanted to share the tutorial I followed and my experience of making my first quilt. However, I also really wanted to encourage other moms to try it. While it was labor intensive and took a few months to complete (because my only work times are 2-3 hours during nap), I think it was so worth it. And totally doable for beginner sewers! You just need to know how to sew a straight line (or make it look straight). I can't begin to say what a special keepsake it turned out to be. The outfits included in the quilt likely would've always remained boxed up for I don't even know what. Now Adly will have them out in her room and anytime the moment strikes we can walk down memory lane talking about each square.

The first step for me was picking out the clothes I wanted to use. Like I said, it's a literal walk through a time capsule. I loved looking through and reminiscing about the days when Adly was itty bitty and the cutest clothes she had. The blogger from the tutorial had suggested I'd need a lot of onesies, and she was so right. First I pulled out all the ones with Adly's name on it, obviously those wouldn't be reworn. Then I pulled my personal favorites. Next I pulled some I thought were just cute or reminded me of a certain memory. Lastly, I went for soft fabrics that would be comfy to snuggle with. I used outfits ranging from 0-3 months, up to 18 months. Some weren't onesies but super cute outfits I just couldn't see on our next daughter because they reminded me too much of Adly. And, I'll admit, the frugal side of me pulled a few specifically because I knew the seasons would be off and little Ellie would never be able wear it.

I was honestly most surprised by how easily a color scheme came together. The author of the tutorial had found this in her case too, but I seriously thought that was just a coincidence for her. In order to keep with my theme, I did have to put back a few I really wanted, like her first Thanksgiving and first Christmas outfits. The orange and red just didn't fit with the other colors I had going.

Here is the list of materials you will need, once you have your pile of 50-60 onesises (See! You need a LOT). I ended up making a quilt that was 7 squares by 7 squares, so I used 49 in the end.

Onesie Quilt Materials List:
-Pile of 50-70 outifits (the size of quilt you decide to make will determine this).
-cutting mat
-5.5"x 5.5" square guide for cutting squares (I used cardboard measured from a box I had)
-rotary cutter
-Pellon 911FF (backing for onesies to make them stiff. I tried both kinds she suggests, and this was my favorite to work with as a beginner).
-Batting. I used Pellon Natural batting. Make sure it is thin enough to be used in a home sewing machine. Also, I would honestly buy this by the yard. I bought the bag and it was WAY too much. 
-Post-Its (for labeling your piles and rows)
-Spray Baster
-Painters tape
-Bias tape or Binding fabric. (I googled how to do this and used binding fabric. There are excellent YouTube videos out there showing how to do both.)
 
Let me warn you, the first cut is seriously the deepest. I may or may not have shed a tear when I cut into the first little teeny onesie. Just remember you would've just left them in a box otherwise. Although, cutting into the onesies does mean you have to follow through and finish the project. Motivation at it's finest! Another tip I have is that if it is big enough, and it's an outfit or pattern you really love, cut a few squares from the piece. Adly had a sleep sack that was so soft, and had her name embroidered on it. She wore it for months on end, but it was still in great condition. I was able to cut three squares from the sleep sack and they are all in the quilt.

Finally, the last part, the binding of the quilt was definitely the worst because I had to do it by hand. I looked for ways to do it by machine, but by hand seems to be the way of the road. So be prepared to spend some nights on the couch sewing like you're Betty Ross, only by the dim light of the TV and a lamp. This is actually the perfect project for a boring pregnant lady. Besides all that intensive labor, that's true love, right?!

I'll leave you there. The tutorial comes from the blog, Coconut Robot and she honestly does an excellent job explaining how to put the quilt together, especially for beginners. Click on the link to go to her tutorial.

Again, I seriously recommend trying this if you have a sewing machine, a little guts, and sentimentality. Even if it's not the most amazing, perfect quilt, it will have all the meaning in the world to your little dear one day. Maybe even more so to you. 

Lay out your squares and play around with different placements. I left this, walked away and came back a few times to ensure I liked it. 

First three rows sewn together. 

All rows sewn, with batting and backing cut larger. 

Using painters tape to sew the lines to sandwich the quilt was a genius tip!

Back of the quilt with lines sewn in.

Finished quilt waiting for hand sewn binding. It waited a few weeks. 

Close up of binding. I chose to use the same fabric from the back because I really liked it. Many people use a different style of fabric.

Finished quilt!

The Costco Files: My Best Finds for Moms

You know you're a mom when....

Costco happens.

Let's face it. Before you have offspring there really is no reason to have a membership to the worlds greatest mom-hive. I swear this place is constantly swarming with moms of all types, racing through the store to fill their carts with plentiful amounts of everything from fruits to wine to sleepers to diapers. Even when you show up right before the store opens. There are lines to get in! I have been to this store at every imaginable hour and never once have I seen it close to "empty". You know how you can find those sweet spot hours at your favorite shopping stores where no one else seems to be there? Never. Never, ever, ever, does this happen at Costco.

But why would it? This place is a magnet for people with kids. Their prices are unbeatable and oh my God have you tried their pizza?!? Let's be honest, you know most people (including myself) plan their eating schedule that day around getting to mow down on a heavenly piece of Costco pizza. Bonus points for when you don't have to have a child in tow. 

A mom friend of mine once said something along the lines of: you know you're a mom when your favorite outing of the week without your kid is a peaceful trip to Costco. Where you can wander the aisles in peace, not having to worry about entertaining your child. And she was so right. 

I've seen a lot of "What to Buy at Costco lists" out there, and I love reading them because I'm always looking for new buys there. However, I'm kind of a creature of habit. So I definitely find myself sticking with some of these trusty standbys. I thought I'd share my favorites to help any newbie Costco-goers (aka; new mommies) navigate the great aisles of this amazing store.

-Kirkland formula (for before one year). This had a major impact on helping our budget. So much cheaper than the name brand. Same ingredients too! So don't you worry all you over-protective-first-time-mommies.

-Kerrygold Irish Butter. Organic, grass-fed cows. Pure butter at a great price. 

-Organic strawberries. OMG their strawberries. Adly and I go through these in a matter of days. They are in season right now and beyond amazing. But I've personally enjoyed them all year. Never had a moldy batch, which is not something I can say for the smaller batches I buy at local grocers. 

-Belvita Breakfast Bars. I was introduced to these by another mommy. They are a great, nut free on-the-go snack for both of us. Love these. 

-Bananas. Organic again, and at an incredible price and taste.

-Kirkland Applesauce Squeeze Pouches. At about 18 months, I gave in to the ease of buying pouches. They still weird me out, so I check every one by giving it a little squeeze before giving it to Adly. I still argue that making them is better, but for now I just don't have the drive to make them. 

-Wholly Guacomole! These are sold in little individual serve packets and great for snacks. I haven't bought these yet only because I wasn't sure if we'd go through them all in a timely manner. However, I think my guac-loving child is definitely ready for them, so we will be picking them up next time we go. 

-Annie's Organic Macaroni and Cheese. Costco is making a big push to provide more organic products at a great price. Annie's recently switched their Mac and cheese boxes to all organic at Costco. I've since started buying these there. I actually prefer making my own Mac and cheese, but these are great for the times in between. 

-Condiments. We buy all of our staple condiments here like ketchup, mustard, Franks red hot, etc. All three of us are dip lovers so we tend to make use of these things pretty quick. 

-Huggies diapers. There are no doubts about it. Diapers here are so much cheaper! I prefer the Huggies because we are used to them. I hear Kirkland are just as good.

-Huggies Natural Care Wipes. I haven't been able to switch to Kirkland wipes simply because Adly has such sensitive skin, and Huggies wipes have always been good to her. However, I hear they're just as good and are sold at a better price. 

-Toilet Paper & Paper Towel. The Kirkland brand of both are staples in our house. To me, there is no argument that it is a great deal. I buy these items at most, 4 times a year now. That to me is so worth it. 

-Laundry Detergent. Our last big jug of detergent lasted us almost a year. And most of their brands are the "free and clear" types which are great for my sensitive skinned child and newborn. 

-Carter Jammies. You cannot beat the price of sleeper fleece footie jammies for $7.99. I stock up on these for the winter time. They also have the great 4-piece cotton jammie sets for around $9.99. Another great deal. 

This is our usual list. Sometimes I get a little crazy and stray out from the norm to try something new beyond our regular items. But that depends on how wild I'm feeling that day. 

What other items do you love from Costco?

Here Piggy, Piggy

So last night I was hanging out with Adly in her bedroom before bedtime when she wandered into her closet and started saying "Piggy! Piggy!" over and over again. She said it enough times that I got up to find out just what kind of piggy she had found in the closet.

This is what I saw.

Naturally, I picked up the piggy to give it to Adly, thinking she just couldn't reach it and that was why she was so panicked about it. As soon as I did this though, her eyes grew as big as saucers as she stiffly backed away from the closet, myself, and the apparently scary piggy. She looked beyond terrified of the thing. So of course I did what any nurturing, loving parent would do. I tortured her with it.

For what ever reason, I thought it was hilarious that this random stuffed pig was terrifying my daughter. At first I thought it had to be a coincidence so I walked toward her again with the piggy. She backed up quickly, running into and falling over her training potty. Oops. But I couldn't stop it there. Nope. Because I'm a jerk like that.

I tested it out a few more times because I just couldn't believe she was actually scared of this random stuffed pig. Each time I held it out towards her, she'd whimper and back up even farther away saying, "mama!" I couldn't stop laughing.

I then put piggy on her dresser, looking into her crib and told her it would be there all night to haunt her dreams. She responded with a quivering whisper of "piiiggy?"

Hiiiii Adlyyyyyy....I see you!

I then picked her up to take her to the kitchen so her dad could get a load of the "scary" piggy and what it was doing to our daughter. As I brought her out laughing hysterically I was all like, "Look at this! Isn't it hilarious!?! Watch what she does when I put piggy near her!" To which my husband immediately told me I was the worst person ever. And then he ended my fun faster than anything else could have with these cutting words: "at least we know who will be on duty tonight when Adly wakes up from nightmares yelling, Piiiiiiiggy!"

Any talk of losing sleep is like my own personal nightmare, so I knew I had to immediately backtrack the emotional trauma I had already inflicted. So much for scaring the crap out of my child for fun. I spent the next twenty minutes of book reading time deflecting Adly's worried requests for piggy that had by now been hidden by Adam. From me there was a lot of "Piggy who?!" and "Ooooh, look at that! Wow! Let's read this!" all followed up immediately with a "Piggy??!?" from my scared child. Curses!

I put her down and crossed my fingers that the damage had been repaired and I wouldn't suffer any sleep loss over my little fun with piggy.

Thankfully, I can state today that no, my daughter didn't have nightmares after this hilariously traumatizing event. This afternoon, as I snapped these pictures to demonstrate on here how ridiculously not scary this piggy is, Adly followed me everywhere carefully watching Piggy's every move. By bedtime she was carefully kissing Piggy night-night, so apparently she is just fine emotionally...at least for now. 

Sweet dreams, little piggy!

13 months

Adly's 13 month birthday quietly slipped by this week. I've been so bad about keeping this blog updated mainly because we're having too much fun this summer! Words can't express how incredibly lucky I feel to be able to get these few precious months of special mommy time with my little sweet pea.

Since her big first birthday bash, we've had numerous weddings and celebrations for Adam and I to attend, which has meant Adly has gotten in some one-on-one time with our family members too this summer. I know this means the world to them. I say it all the time, but we really are lucky to have such an amazing family to give us a helping hand in this journey. It also helps that we happened to have the first baby on both sides--the newness hasn't worn off yet. That, and there's the fact she's ridiculously cute. 

Being cute at aunt Ra-Ra and uncle Seve's house. 

At 13 months, Adly is continuing to grow, develop, and amaze me on a regular basis. She bursted into toddlerhood with gusto, realizing almost immediately that she has power over the foods she eats. My once foodie daughter has now turned into an ever-so-picky eater who regularly throws food on the floor, puts it in her mouth only to chew and spit it back out, or just immediately says an emphatic "noooo!" when she sees something of distaste. Her number one dislike is meat. It's frustrating, to say the least. However, based on our pediatricians recommendation, we're continuing to give her nutritious options at mealtimes and sticking to the "what you see is what you get" rule of thumb. Eventually, supposedly, she is going to understand that if she's hungry, she needs to eat then and there. Gosh that's hard. I stress constantly about whether I'm giving her enough of a balanced meal every single mealtime. Gone are the days of relying on  breast milk or formula to ensure she's got all the nutrients she needs. I know there will always be some sort of battle when it comes to this, I just selfishly wish I had a wee bit more time to enjoy my hungry child gobbling down all the delicious food I cooked for her.

Verbally, Adly continues to grow at a surprising rate. She will imitate almost anything you ask her to (when she's up for it and not in too much of a spotlight). I'm amazed at the number of words she knows how to use in context at this point. I have to say, the ability to communicate with each other is the best part. I can almost always figure out what she's trying to say or do. Although the key word there is almost. I can already see how those terrifying toddler tantrums come about when a little being just can't properly convey what they need or want. Some of Adly's latest sayings are: all done, all gone, no, more (mo!), go, mooooo (cows) up, dow (down), hewwo (hello) and bye-bye. She's also developed this "eh!" sound with a point to guide people to what she wants. 

Speaking of moo, a few months ago, Adly began to really take to a random bath book we had with farm animal pictures. Ever since then, she has loved all things animals and imitating their sounds. I've stocked up on some animal books for her and some also came from her birthday. All of these are her favorites and she loves to see the animals and then make the sounds. This weekend we had the opportunity to go to my aunts family farm and visit the cows and sheep. We were also able to get way up close and personal with them. I'm so glad my dad videoed this adventure because Adly cannot stop watching them! Her favorite animal sounds of the moment are: moooooo (cow), eh-eh-eh-eh (sheep), wooo! (elephant, motions trunk with hand), bawk (chicken/duck), tee-tee (any bird), sssss (snake) and my favorite mooooow (cat).

At 13 months, she is still as stubborn as ever when it comes to walking. She loves to tease everyone by standing up all on her own. This has been happening for the last month. Every time an outsider sees it, they emphatically tell me "she's going to be walking any day now!" And inside I tell myself, "but, this is my daughter and she's different....she is one stubborn little being". Sure enough, we've got nothing yet. I will say, she has started walking along with me as I hold her armpits (NOT by my hands mama!). Truthfully, I'm ok with her taking her time. In some ways, I think it might be easier, but in a lot of ways, it's going to make for a whole lot more work. There's a part of me that REALLY wants to see it before I go back to work. These milestones still give me that pull of anxiety that I have to be there to witness every first or I'm always going to be sad about missing it. But then the rational me knows that my first time seeing it will always be my first time. Either way, walking may or may not be in the next month...and of course the only one who holds the answer to that is my darling little Adly. 

My superstar!

Bath time!

Hangin' at the zoo with our buds. 

My smiley, happy girl. 

Robbery?!

As I walked into the living room this morning, I came upon this sight:

One might immediately think they've been robbed. But not in my case. Nope. Have no fear. That's just the evidence that my child has been there. 

Thank you, Adly. Don't mind if I do put back every piece of my wallet for the 4th time this weekend. 

Letting Go

When I was pregnant and taking hospital classes and then when Adly was first born, it was as though there were flashing neon lights all around me pointing to "must breastfeed, boobies are the only way!" With my blinders on, I didn't research or plan for other options (yes, believe me, I know there are other options but I was an ignorant soon to be new mommy who blissfully believed everything was going to be all rainbows and fairytales). These days, the popular push of all for new moms is to breastfeed. In my experience, the "other" options were rarely talked about. Thankfully for us, breastfeeding worked out perfectly fine. Otherwise I'm sure it would've only caused yet another meltdown on top of the other thousand meltdowns I was having per day in the crazy first few weeks.

The first three months as a new mommy were definitely the worst for me. I didn't handle it well at all, and I'll admit, I'm not looking forward to going through it again with child number two down the road. One of the things I struggled with the most during that time was nursing. I hated being so tied down. I constantly felt as though I couldn't do anything without having her by my side and that is an awful feeling for someone who is selfish and enjoys personal space. Suddenly there is this adorable little being who needs and wants to be with you ALL. THE. TIME. No matter the hour.

There were countless times where I wanted to throw in the towel. I would often get to the point of, "I'll feed her this last time and then I'm done. Done. Done. DONE." Only, I could never bring myself to stop. I'd love to say it's because deep down I had an unrequited love for it or the connection it provided for my daughter and I was so strong I couldn't let it go. But that wouldn't be true. Not at that time.

I never quit because I was scared. Scared of change. Scared of the unknown world of formula. Scared of not being able to change my mind. Quitting nursing is a finality. There is no deciding to go back once you're done. To me, it was just too big of a leap to make during such a fragile and vulnerable time. So we plugged on. I began setting little goals to make it to. Quitting the next feeding slowly became, "when we get to 3 months, we'll stop." Then it was, "when I go back to work at 6 months, we'll stop." Then it was, "whenever I get sick of pumping at work, we'll stop." Then it became, "whenever my body stops producing enough, I'll stop."

The truth is, once I came into my own as a new mom and my daughter stopped crying for reasons I could never figure out, I began to truly enjoy nursing. It did provide a bond between Adly and I. I began to cherish those quiet moments between the two of us. Better yet, I began to look forward to them. Suddenly it became a matter of, "can we really make it to 1 year?!"

Unfortunately, life had other plans in store for us. In the end of February, I found out we needed to schedule a major knee surgery for the end of March. It was at that time that I finally felt okay with the idea of stopping nursing. Sure, we could probably have found a way around it. I could probably do a lot of things to keep it going, but my personal choice and what feels right to me has been to stop. I'm proud of myself for making it to 8 months. It is WAY longer than I ever could have imagined nursing amidst all of this parenting madness.

In the last few weeks, we've slowly dropped feeding after feeding, letting my engorged boobs go for as long as I can until they get the memo to stop producing. Stopping nursing is a process and takes time. Therefore I think it hasn't been nearly as difficult as I expected it to be. I've had the time to be able to mentally plan out which feeding to drop next. And let's be honest, we all know how I like my plans. I've also had a million other things to stress about during the last month, so I'm sure that has helped. There is also an emotional piece to quitting, I think. I'm tearing up at the drop of a hat again these days. But who really knows what's to blame for that. I mean, it's not like we haven't been moving with an infant, finishing up the end of the 3rd quarter grades, conferences AND prepping for a big surgery. Ahhhh, life.

Oh and formula? That dark, scary, unknown world? It's just fine. And the attachment to my number one lady? We're just fine. She now takes that bottle with her two teeny little independent hands, snuggles up in my arms, brings her eyes to mine, and suddenly all is right with the world again. 

Sicky Baby

Auto correct immediately tried to change the title of this post from "sicky" to "sucky". Well played, auto-correct, well played.

Having a sick infant is the worst. Thankfully, we haven't had to deal with this beast until 7 months. For a while I thought it was because she was born with our rock-solid immune systems. That might be part of it, but I think it's mostly because she hasn't been exposed to very many sick babies. Unfortunately, getting sick is a necessary evil for her to build up the amazing immunity that her parents both have.

As we're working our way out of the woods from this first cold, I thought I'd compile a list of some things I learned. Turns out, treating infant sicklings is much different than treating yourself. Shocking, I know. 

-Psssh! That's no fever! That is literally exactly what my pediatrician said to me when I called the emergency phone number at 6:30am Monday morning in a panic over my daughters 100.5 degree temperature. Ok, maybe not what she said exactly, but in so many words. Mind you, this call was placed after the thermometer nearly blew up from flashing a bright red and beeping non-stop at me after taking her temp. What's a new mommy to do but panic!? That's why this list is so important. Turns out, 100.5 is nothing in terms of fever when it comes to newbies. In fact, it's barely a fever. You're only really entering into the realm of a "fever" when that child's temperature reaches around 104-105 degrees. I KNOW. Right?? Is your jaw on the floor? Because mine was. And it continued to be as my veteran mommy friends all agreed with my doctors response. Crazy. But, now I know, I guess.

-Said fever has a purpose. To put your panicky new mommy mind at ease while your taking your child's temperature over and over again and it's still flashing red, beeping, and showing a temp of over 100, try this mantra: it's helping her to get better. The fever is the body taking assault on the virus and making it go away. I can't tell you how many times I've had to remind myself of that in the last few days.

-Boogie Wipes. That kitschy baby shower gift you got that you were all like, "aww, what a cute idea!" even though you weren't really sure you'd ever use it? Well, I'm so thankful a certain girlfriend threw Boogie Wipes into my gift. Because those little wipes have officially won me over as a customer this week. They smell fantastic, are extra soft, and don't seem to irritate the skin above the lips like normal tissues do. And anything that will make my life easier with a less fussy baby is key in my book.

-Steaming is the bomb. To help your little sicky get some relief, give them a day at the spa. Turn that shower on as hot as it will go and let the steam envelope their lungs. Make sure to bring some toys along to keep that little one distracted and dress lightly, as you will be sweating your buns off. We've been doing steam showers over and over and over again. 

-Humidify. Our humidifier has been kicking at high speed all week. Supposedly this helps. I would have a better answer or be singing more praises if it took care of the sick problem within a matter of days. Unfortunately, according to my mommy friends, infant colds last for weeks. Now that's a stamina I'm not fond of.

-Those snot bulbs give me the shivers. Ugh. Those things are the worst! I don't think we've figured them out still. I've watched videos, Adam's tried, I've tried... we still can't seem to succeed in getting very much mucous out. Ick. I hate that word. Anyways, that bulb thing still brings me back to my childhood and being terrified of the "foofer" as we called it. Therefore, I'm having a hard time being ok with using it on my own child despite the little voice in my head that says "it'll make her feel better" as she's screaming at the top of her lungs while I torture her. Nose Frida is another option. That makes me want to gag, but I hear it's better? Any thoughts mama's?

-Sick baby snuggles rock. Ok, out of all of this misery, there is a bright spot. My little munchkin that is all too quickly growing out of the snuggly stage has suddenly become the world's best snuggler again. The feeling of knowing you are her mommy (or daddy) and your snuggles are just what she needs to feel better is the best in the world. 

Transitions

It's been over a month since I've returned to work, so I thought I'd update on the progress. In the beginning, I have to admit, it was awful. It was definitely much more difficult than I expected, but in ways that I wasn't necessarily expecting.

On one hand, a perk to my job is the fact that I don't stop moving or thinking from the time I set foot into my classroom. Therefore, I never had time to sit down and dwell over the fact that I was no longer spending my days watching my little one grow. I'm thankful for that.

On the other hand, my job (like most jobs) is mentally draining and exhausting. So my transition back to work as a mom has been harder in ways that I wasn't expecting. Yes, I miss Adly constantly while I'm at work. But she's in great hands at home with her daddy. The hardest part of the transition for me has actually been figuring out how to balance work and home life.

Prior to having Adly, I had no problem staying for hours after work to toil away organizing and planning on a regular basis. I also used to get to work a mere 30 minutes before they day began. These days, I find myself waking up at 5:30am to begin my day and get ready before 6. Around that time, Adly tends to wake up and then she nurses and I pump at the same time. Multi-tasking at it's finest. 

We usually have time for about 10 minutes of mommy and Adly play time before we wake Adam up so I can finish with running around packing up for the day. Then I'm out the door to get to work by 7 and I don't stop going until the bell rings at 3:15pm. Soon after school is over, I head home with any paperwork, grading, or planning items I may need to work on that night. When I get home, Adam and Adly are usually awaiting my return. I'm so lucky Adly loves giving big, slobbery kisses because that is by far my favorite part of every day.

We usually get a little more play time in before she's down for a one-hour power nap, then it's up to eat, play, and then bath time. Once Adly is down at 7, it's time to cook, eat, and then relax/work/talk to my husband before I pass out usually around 9:30.

Sure, my schedule is just like so many working mommy's schedules out there. My hat is off to all of them. I will say that I'm slowly but surely getting into the swing of things, but it is not easy by any means. I'm mentally and physically zapped at the end of the day. But, I know it gets easier. It has to. I have so many friends with two and three kids...and they do it! So as I'm entering into the middle of February and six weeks into being a working mommy, I'm trying to remember that it will only continue to get better. That I'll one day begin to feel a normal balance again....even if that day seems light years away at this point.

But at the very least, this little sock eating monkey certainly makes it all worthwhile.

Pretty in Pink

Six months ago, in a time that now feels like a lifetime ago, you entered our lives. You flipped everything upside down and changed it all for the better. Your smiles light up our life. Your slobbery, drooly kisses melt my heart. And I can't imagine a day without your gummy smiles.

Thank you, Adly. I'm so glad I was picked to be your mommy.

Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho...

It's back to work I go....or I'm trying to....

This week, I was set to return back to work as a teacher to many little bitties. I absolutely love teaching and I've definitely missed it. But I do have to say, I also loved being able to stay home with Adly for six months more than I ever could have imagined.

The "back to work" behemoth mountain of dread has been looming for over a month as this ever-impending thing I knew was going to happen sooner than later. To be honest, it got to the point where I just wanted to get it over with. Unfortunately, Mother Nature had other plans and sent us into an arctic blast for two days, therefore pushing back my start date. Two days in which thankfully the officials took notice of and decided that little ones shouldn't be walking to and from school in -40 something wind gusts. I have to say, I wasn't sure if all the hype was for reals. Then I bundled up and went outside to clean off my car the first day. Within 5 minutes, I lost feeling in my fingertips and my nostrils were frozen. This weather is no joke!

Either way, my leave has now been extended by an extra two days. Leading up to my return to work, I am convinced Adly sensed something was changing. Call it an instinct, call it crazy, but I swear she knew. This could've also had to do with a change in my own demeanor as well, but either way it melted my heart. In the last week, she has become much more clingy with mommy, developing this fast-paced breathing like she's going to panic every time I walked away from her. She has also started doing much more cuddling, nestling up under my neck and sucking her thumb. And then, the biggest thing, this Sunday she kissed me for the first time!

A big, open-mouth, drooly kiss from my almost 6 month old.

I cried. Or rather, I sobbed.

We were looking at each other in the mirror (her favorite thing to do these days) when I kissed her on the cheek. She then grabbed my face and planted a big fat one on my own cheek.

I came out of the bedroom crying and had to pass her off to daddy so I could collect myself. I kind of thought it was coincidental and maybe it had happened just to give me that extra push of, "It's ok, mama. I still love you. I'll be fine and so will you."

But then that night, she did it again....and again. Seriously, it's the best sendoff I ever could've received from my favorite little girl.

Mama loves you my little buggy boo!!

Touchy Face

Adly's latest discovery has been the realization that those things that flail all around her regularly can be controlled to actually move and touch things. And when she touches those things, she can feel them. How cool is that?!

She started out by grabbing things I'd dangle over her. Even this simple act is neat to watch, as she slowly brings her hands up together and touches the object each time. You can see the gears turning in her head as she makes contact with her hands, that what she is feeling is what she is somehow touching.

Then she began touching my face. As usual, I had to fight back tears the first few times she did it. She was standing on my lap the first time it happened, face to face with me. The look on her face of pure curiosity as she brought up her hands and slowly touched my chin was priceless. Then her hands slowly traveled to my cheek. Then to my nose. And to my mouth. 

Now she loves investigating different faces of all different people, but of course I'm still the favorite. At least that's what I tell myself. The photo below was taken by our cousin Emily randomly on a Saturday evening. It's a display of her beautiful curiosity that is now captured forever. And it's moments like these that make me want time to slow down, wishing I could remember every second of this journey.

I have nipples Greg....

You guys. I have something to admit.

This one time, up north, I had to milk my boobs. With my own hands. 

And it was the worst experience.

I know, I know. Some people swear by hand expressing. I, myself, however prefer to rely solely on the modern technology of electric pumps. While I have felt like a cow at times, you've never really felt like a cow until it's 4am, and you're in a bathroom, sitting on the toilet seat squeezing the crap out of your boobs with your hands in an attempt to get some relief (I was sitting on the toilet because my legs got tired). Producing milk by only the power of your own two hands is not an easy task!

When we went up north, I packed everything. Or so I thought. When we got there, I realized I had everything but this little, tiny part to my pump called a flange. I never knew that without this little flange you can't pump. Once I discovered this, I thought maybe I'd still be ok. Maybe I wouldn't even need to pump after all? That thought lasted until the first morning when I woke up with Pamela Anderson sized boobies and a soaking wet shirt. Sigh.

Of course, my child could've relieved this quickly. But I'd jump in front of a semi before I would ever wake a sleeping baby, so I knew I had to figure something else out. I tried the pump just for giggles and of course, it still wouldn't work. They hurt so bad I knew I just had to get the milk out as soon as possible.

While I sat in desperation, this came to mind....

"That's it!" I thought. I can "milk" my boobs... just like I think you would a cow (or a cat) and sure enough, it actually worked! Within 45 minutes I had relief from the pain and a whole bottle of milk. I then patted myself on the back and immediately went to get a bag of ice to ease the tendonitis that was quickly appearing in my hands from all the hard work.

While I hope to never have to do it again, at least I know there are options out there. And now, whenever I get frustrated at having to set aside 15 minutes and pump, I bring myself back to that rock bottom moment of sitting on a toilet seat, in the dark, milking my own "teats".

Comfort in Numbers

The funny thing about living in a big city is that life tends to happen at a slower pace. Daily life of course is much more fast paced than in a smaller city, but life changing events tend to happen later in life around here. What that means to me is that when I found myself engaged at 29, only a handful of my closest friends had been there, done that. Seven months later I was married and while we were still somewhat the odd men out, it was no big deal. It was really no different than dating or being engaged.

Then I was pregnant. 

Suddenly, I was really the odd man out. I knew one friend in the suburbs who had just had a baby and then there was my friend Laura in the city who had just found out she was also pregnant. But beyond that, I was the only one in our crowd of friends from Chicago who was going through this life changing experience. While I didn't quite realize it at the time, it's a lonely time. Even just being pregnant immediately changes your lifestyle--if you're any bit social. 

But being pregnant is one thing. Once the baby comes, you're really in a world of your own. And let me tell you, it can be a very scary world. Well, at least for someone who thrives on having control in their daily life. 

Thankfully, Laura went through her pregnancy and birth only one month prior to me. Immediately following delivery and as I entered into the jungle that is parenthood, I can't tell you how many times I turned to Laura for guidance. It was comforting to know someone out there understood exactly what was happening with me and my baby on a daily basis. Even if neither of us knew the answer (which happened often), at least we knew we weren't totally crazy.  

About 6 weeks into my journey as a mom, Laura set up a mommy/baby day at the park with two of her friends who had recently become mom's as well. We all met for the first time on a Wednesday and have been doing so regularly ever since. Over the last few months, our group has increased to even more mommies, all with babies the same age as mine. Our weekly playdates at the park have also grown to trying out music classes with the little ones, meeting for coffee, and countless group texts about baby poop, sleep, eating habits....you name it, we've texted about it. 

I now find myself greatly looking forward to this time together, if nothing else because it provides a real sense of commradorie. Together we can commiserate over the hardships of having a newborn, be reassured that what's happening is perfectly normal, and mark new growths as they come. We talk about what's coming up next for the babies and celebrate their individual milestones together. It's short and sweet, usually only an hour or two based on how the babes have been sleeping, but it's just enough to help me walk away feeling great about all the craziness we're going through. The best part is, no one blinks an eye if your little one is screaming their head off, you have poop on your shirt, or you forgot a diaper or boob pads (there's always plenty to share!).

I am so grateful for the outlet this small group of mommy friends has given me. The hour or so a week we spend together gives us a free outlet to talk about the happenings of our little ones that others just wouldn't understand. It allows us to lament the struggles and be proud of the progress we all make, inch by inch. And together, for a small amount of time each week, we all find comfort in numbers.

Our first mommy meet up with Laura at the park in August. They're so little!

Music class time! Their enthusiasm is hardly contained. 

You Know You're a Mom When...

You've been up for hours, you've gone through two outfit changes yourself (not for style, people..usually you still haven't brushed your teeth or hair), your child has gone through two outfit changes (poop happens), you're starving (when did I last eat?), you're exhausted (how many games of peek-a-boo have we played?) and you stop and find yourself thinking,

"Man, this has been a loooong day. Surely it must be almost bedtime, right?"

Then you look at the clock and it's 9:30am.

I hear ya sister...I can't believe it either. 

Oh Tummy Time

So, when I had a baby I thought that tummy time was instrumental in helping babies learn to crawl. And of course my daughter is going to be the best, smartest, and earliest one to do everything. Right?!? Soon after we arrived home I began placing her on her stomach every so often. She immediately seemed to want to move.

Wow. She's already the best, smartest, and certainly going to be the earliest crawler, I thought! So I encouraged her by placing my hands under her feet and helping her to launch off of them. I laughed at my poor husband when he'd put her on her tummy and just let her lay there. "Pssshhh! That's not tummy time!" I'd say and feel content knowing I knew what was best for our smartest, best, earliest daughter. She wasn't to just lay there. No, we needed to get her moving. 

On top of all this, she hated it. Tummy time became a thing that I dreaded because I knew she'd cry the entire time. That always stressed me out so naturally, I implemented avoidance. What that created was a newborn who was not used to being on her tummy and began to hate it even more whenever it did happen. 

It wasn't until about a week ago that I watched a video on tummy time for babies at age 3-4 months, the age of my munchkin. I couldn't wait to see how she measured up. I know, I'm that mom. But when I saw the video I freaked out. I was all wrong on how I'd been pushing tummy time. The babies on there had no problem lifting their heads up off the ground and looking around. My little pumpkin wasn't even attempting to lift her head at this point. And then I was all like, "Oooooohhhhh. Oh wait, so THAT'S what tummy time looks like!" Turns out, my husband hadn't been that off. But we won't tell him that. 

In my quest to push my sweet pea to be the best, earliest, smartest, I had actually stunted an integral part of her growth process. So since watching that video, I've pulled out my whistle and gym shorts to integrate tummy time boot camp into our lives. Adly now spends every waking moment of her life on her tummy. "And lift 1,2,3..." 

In all seriousness, it was just one of the millions of learning curves we're going to be thrown as new parents. Now we that know the purpose of tummy time, we are working hard with her....not to make her the best, smartest, earliest anything. But to help make her just right for Adly.

I'll do anything for a glimpse of my beautiful face..including lifting my head. (Vanity in its purest form.)

Visiting a New Mama

Before I get into this, I have to add a disclaimer. The idea for this post didn't come from my amazing mind spaces. I actually saw a post similar to this recently and it made me think over my own experience. Of course, everyone's experience with the people in their life is different, so I wanted to add my own two cents to the party.

I was one of the very first of many of my friends and to have a baby. Let me tell you, baby world is uncharted for not only myself, but many people in my life. After reading the aforementioned article, I have to say I think I am unbelievably blessed with amazing friends and family. I was extremely lucky when it came to visitors, what they brought, and what they did.

Here's my advice, now that I've been there, done that in entering the jungle of mommyhood. One more disclaimer, I'm a dumb-dumb when it comes to this stuff, so I'm not afraid to admit I've NOT done many of these things when visiting friends prior to having my own. My apologies in advance and thanks for still being friends with me. Don't feel as if you have to do all of these things, but you should try to do at least one as you make your way over to visit the new earthling. 

-Bring Food. Seriously. Any type of food. A snack, a homemade meal, something you just picked up. It doesn't matter. As an avid cook myself, I prepared many freezer meals in advance to feed our family after baby. Unfortunately, once baby was here, even the thought of boiling water on the stove became overwhelming. Even when a new mom says, "no, no don't bring food." You need to immediately shut them down and insist on bringing food. I'm telling you, it will save their day and in all likelihood it's the only thing they'll eat that day. I had countless visitors bring over food and I always felt awkward about it. I'm an adult, I can buy my own lunch/dinner! But as soon as they arrived, I was able to hand Adly over and actually eat a meal...usually for the first time that day. I think, above all other things you can do, this packs the biggest punch. 

-Cut the Chat, Help them Out. I was terrible about this--and this was all my fault. Whenever friends came over, I was dying to catch up with them and hear about anything that was going on outside of babyland. So most often, I would sit my friends down and accost them for information about their lives. This is fine and dandy. But what I didn't realize until weeks down the road was I had chatted away precious time I could've used to throw Adly in their arms and shower, clean, do laundry, grocery shop, brush my teeth, pee...you name it. Now when I visit a new mommy, I'll insist they at least get up and brush their teeth while I get to gobble baby up all by myself. I'm pretty sure most people would jump at the chance to be able to hog baby all to themselves without the new mom hovering over them like a hawk. (Noooo, I never did that!!)

-Offer to Watch Baby. Again, we scored big time in the friend/family department. I can't even count how many people have willingly offered to watch Adly over the last few months--and meant it. At first I thought it was just people being nice. I'm not one to ask for help for anything, so I kind of just brushed it off. But then friends kept offering and after a while, I slowly started accepting. Eventually I even started asking for help here and there. Of course, I don't ask all the time or on a regular basis so as not to (I hope) make anyone feel overused. When I say, "offer to watch baby", I mean offer to watch them so that mom can run to the grocery store, go get a mani/pedi, a massage, take a walk for 20 minutes. Anything to get mom out of the house. She may not think so at the time, but she needs it. And you can bet that most new moms would never ask for such help, so as not to be a burden. So offer away--if you feel comfortable doing so.

-Clean...if You Can. This one's tricky. I say that because I don't know that I, myself could bust into someone's home and say, "where's the vacuum. I'm cleaning up this dump!" But if you ever find yourself in a position where you are in their house alone for a bit...CLEAN. Oh my word. I had a few friends who found themselves at our house while I was out. And when I came home and found a clean house, I could've cried. In fact, I'm sure I did. While I never thought I needed that kind of help, once it happened I realized just how messy the house had gotten. You have no idea how hard it is to wipe up the kitchen, clean the bathroom, vacuum, etc. when you have a newborn crying their head off for most of the day. 

-Schedule Your Visit. Don't just "drop by". In my normal life, I'm all for drop-in visitors. In post-baby life, you wouldn't believe how much it can screw up your day. People don't do this intentionally, in fact I think most people don't even realize they're doing it. But the weeks/months following birth are a blurry mush of madness. So many people want to make their way over to see baby as soon as possible. This is great and all, but the new mommy, daddy and baby need to have time to themselves too. Scheduling your visit allows the family to have people over when they're most comfortable with it. Additionally, if a mom is breastfeeding, your scheduled visit will allow her to attempt to make sure thats done and over with before you come over. Another little piece of advice is go back again. Seems simple enough, right? But the reality is everyone comes over in a huge wave at the very beginning and then as life normalizes, the phone calls stop coming. Check back in on the new mommy. Meals a month or two afterwards never hurt either...because, as I can attest, life takes a long time to become any kind of new normal.

-Gifts. Again, we had numerous visitors who came over bearing gifts. I cannot say enough how loved Adly really is. And the truth is, people just love giving babies gifts! If you'd prefer to bring a gift when you visit your new mommy friend and baby, then my suggestion would be clothes. Anything in older sizes. I guarantee that baby's nursery is chock full of newborn and 0-3 month outfits. And as you pick out the cutest little 6 month outfit, make sure that it is weather friendly for when the baby will be wearing it. For example, don't buy a winter coat for a baby that will fit into it in the middle of summer. No matter how cute it is. If you're stuck on what to buy, you can never, ever go wrong with onesies. Another idea is to think about the mommy! I once said on here (before giving birth) that I myself would want bottles and bottles of wine. I still stick to that...wine doesn't go bad (believe it or not, it took me a while to jump back on that wagon). I had one friend bring a whole case of wine over! She knows me too well. I also had a few people bring over a whole bunch of nursing supplies. They knew I was breastfeeding and I have to say, I used and am still using everything they brought over. See what I mean? We have the most thoughtful people all around us.

The bottom line is that new mommy's just love visitors. So get over there! It's amazing as a new mom to see how excited your friends and family are over your new bundle of joy. And it makes the new mommy feel loved too. Even if you don't do any of the above, I guarantee that any new mom will be glad to have you even just visit for a while...that is, unless you show up unannounced at 4pm while she's breastfeeding in the pajamas she's been wearing for four days without a shower. Trust me...it happens.