Thankful. (Peanut Allergy Awareness)

For 8 years I've been in classrooms and taught how to use EpiPens...if the day ever came. I never believed I'd ever use one. For 3 years, I've had a daughter who tested positive for a peanut allergy with a component for severe anaphylaxis to occur if ever ingested. I still never thought I'd use one.

Finding out Adly had a peanut allergy via a scratch test at 11 months old was a bummer for sure. However, I don't think either of us fully understood the gravity of the diagnosis. Yes, she now had a peanut allergy and it was going to make our life a little more difficult. But I didn't want that to stop us from living as normal people. I didn't want to be that overbearing mom I've seen plenty of times who refused to let my child "live" at restaurants, parties, and play dates. Plus, beyond a few spots on her face, I had never seen any type of reaction regarding peanuts. It is such an abstract diagnosis that it can be hard to fully comprehend the severity of it. Your child gets pricked with a needle yearly, some blood is drawn, and weeks later your notified over the phone whether the allergy is still present and the severity of it. As of age two, with the blood test results, we were told the following: Adly tested positive on a level 2 out of 4 in severity. However, she has a component within the allergy that identifies to present itself through anaphylaxis if ingested, which therefore makes it that much more serious.

We have been diligent about any food products we buy at home and making sure she always has her EpiPen on hand wherever we go. We make sure everyone close to us knows about the allergy, we inform any caretakers and send her to a peanut-free school with EpiPens. Because that is what you're told to do. But truthfully, I never really thought she'd ever be in a situation where she might have any kind of severe reaction. Because we're careful. 

This weekend, we were invited to a neighbors first birthday party where we didn't know anyone. We were both excited at the prospect of meeting new people with kids in our neighborhood. It was a hustle and bustle kind of night, trying to talk to and meet everyone while chasing around our wild one year old and simultaneously keeping an eye on our 3 year old. It was at that party that my very smart and knowledgeable daughter ate two Reese's peanut butter bell candies, across the room from us, with another little girl. In the final seconds of the act, Adam happened to notice Adly chewing something.

Neither girl would admit to eating anything. Adam smelled peanut butter on her breath. It was only after some coaxing that I was able to get the wrapper from the other little girl. My heart sank to my feet when I carefully unballed the red foil to read "Reese's". We looked at her, she was fine. No grabbing her neck because she couldn't breathe, no redness, no hives; all of which I had expected to happen were we ever in this situation. For the next 10 minutes we held our breath at the party, trying to remain calm. No symptoms. Maybe she wasn't even really allergic, I kept telling myself.

"Maybe she didn't even eat it," I hopefully said to a dad who was sitting near the girls. "No, she definitely did," he confirmed.

After some back and forth we decided to leave and go back home to observe her. There, we peppered her with questions. She was over it; tired and annoyed. She wouldn't answer us. "Do you feel itchy? Does your throat feel weird? Does your tummy hurt?" Lets be honest, does a toddler really know how to answer those questions? Probably not. But in that moment, it was all I could do to keep myself sane. 10 minutes later. She's going to be fine. It was just a fluke, Maybe she really didn't even eat it. She KNOWS she's allergic to peanuts. She KNOWS to ask before she eats.

10 more minutes. Call the pediatrician, they can tell me its all just a fluke and it will go away. There were still no visible symptoms, but she had started coughing. I made the call. Left a voicemail on the emergency line in which they respond within 20 minutes. Two minutes later, our pediatrician called back, asking for a rundown of what had happened.

The pediatrician stated with a firmness and urgency I'll never forget: "Get the EpiPen and administer immediately. Then get to the ER as fast as possible. I know you don't see much now, but when it happens, the reaction is going to come fast."

I hung up the phone. Walked to the bathroom like a robot and instructed Adam to pull her pants down. I pulled out the EpiPen that was in its trusty spot. I scanned the instructions, walking to the living room. I popped the cap. I held her thigh. I stabbed. She screamed. Adam and I counted out loud over her screams, "one one thousand, two one thousand..." I lost it, sobbing through the counting. Time slowed to a halt. 10 seconds in the thigh.

And then it was over. Just like that. I dried my own tears and went back into robot mode. Move the cars, I thought. I ran outside with no coat, moving Adams snow covered car blindly into the street. I ran in and got our other car keys, hearing Adly screaming at the top of her lungs. Brush off the car, warm up the car. Go, go, go....

All this time I had been thinking Adam would take her to ER and I would stay behind with Ellie. He is the calm one who knows how to handle these situations far better than I. However, I've been the one to handle her allergies, take her to her yearly summer allergist appointment and receive the EpiPen education. After a quick back and forth it was decided I should go. To the car. Go, go, go....

On the 13 minute drive to the hospital we hit every.single.light. Adly began declining rapidly in the car. She was talking nonsense and continuing to attempt to pass out. Like a robot, I'd shake her leg and make her tell me a story. Like a robot, I was complaining about the lights. "We should've taken a f*!king ambulance", I muttered at a light. I heard Adly quietly remind me from the backseat, "it's going to be ok mama." Of course. My beyond her years daughter could speak so wisely, yet she couldn't remember in that moment to NOT EAT THE CANDY. Why?? Because she's three. She's still a baby. My baby.

When we finally raced into the ER driveway and I got her out, I was shocked. She was mumbling, beet red red, and swollen. There was a line at the sign-in and all I remember is shouting about how she was in anaphylactic shock and needed to get in to get another shot. The receptionist grabbed us and led us back into the triage where they immediately got to work. Suddenly my baby was being stabbed in her other leg, IV going in her hand, mask on her face. She was screaming and crying inconsolably. The doctor came in and that is when I slipped from robot mom into ohmygodwhatishappening mom and lost it. I couldn't even compose myself to explain the details of what had happened.

 About an hour after being admitted to hospital. 

It wasn't for another few hours that the symptoms began to subside. She had eaten a good amount and they needed to keep her overnight to continue observing. It is common for the reaction to take hold again even hours after exposure, because of the fat content in peanuts. Thankfully, by morning and after a lot of drugs, she was completely back to her old self.

 Showing her handy dandy IV holder pad. 

 Checking out the snow the next morning from our room. 

Playing with her new Barbie our sweet nurse gave her in the morning. Fully recovered.

In the days since that awful night, we've done a lot of reflecting and talking between Adam and I and with Adly. A few days later, it came out in conversation with her that she actually had asked the little girl if it had nuts. She really did know what to say. But of course, what does an unknowing three year old answer to that? "There's no nuts. You're fine. Here you go, eat it."  For all that little girl knew, she was being nice to Adly and sharing her candy. To any other child without allergies, they know nothing about nuts and the danger of them. The bottom line is, so much education is required when it comes to these allergies, and sometimes, it's just not enough.

I wanted to share our experience to provide a helpful reminder to those with allergies especially during the holiday season. These allergies are serious, and can be life threatening. If you know your child has an allergy, do your best to assess all types of food available when going to gatherings. This is one of the things I always do. But on this particular night, I didn't. I saw random candies laid out carefully in pretty bowls and never stopped to personally remind Adly she couldn't eat them.

Adly experienced what is called a latent reaction. This reaction works its way from the inside out and therefore takes time to show any visible symptoms. Meanwhile, its wreaking havoc internally on the body. I often get asked how we even discovered she was allergic to peanuts. Common signs of any allergic reactions (and what we first experienced at 11 months) are red splotchy spots around the mouth. Any noticeable irritation after eating a certain food. We treated immediately with a dose of Benedryl and she was fine. It is important to note that reactions get worse the more times a person is exposed. Therefore, at 11 months, Adly's first exposure, the reaction was minimal. Fast forward two more years and it was life threatening.

We've now purchased Adly this bracelet she will wear day and night for as long as I can force her to. It was something I had considered buying but for whatever reason never did. No, this wouldn't have stopped that little girl from telling Adly the candy she wanted to give her didn't have nuts. But maybe it would've notified a parent who was standing closer than we were. Just maybe. Our child is very quickly leaving our very protective nest of safety, entering school, play dates, playgrounds, and gatherings where we can't keep our eye on her every little move. I can only hope she continues to be protected from any more incidents.

Ever since Thanksgiving, Adly has loved to randomly ask what I'm thankful for. Yes, we could have done a lot of things differently but I think if anything, I'm thankful we now know just how serious it is. I'm thankful we caught her eating it. I'm thankful we had the EpiPen. I'm thankful we have responsive pediatricians, no matter the day or hour. I'm thankful for the ER staff who knew what to do right away to make her better.

But above all else, I'm thankful my sweet girl is still here with us today.

One Year.

Our sweet Eleanor is one.

Where did the time go? 

In one year, our lives have changed tremendously. We had a winter off together. We bought a house and moved to the suburbs. I left my job and many dear friends. Adly became potty trained and started pre-school. I began a new job and grade level. So many changes, and all for the better.

Here is Ellie, at one year old:

At one, Ellie is standing and letting go (and promptly dropping like a sack of potatoes). She is one determined little peanut and holds true to the statement "try, try, try...and try again."

She is slowly scaling around the couch.

She will "walk" with the help of mama or dada holding her hands.

She is like a little tree monkey and climbs up my legs to standing, wherever I stop.

Ellie has 2 bottom front teeth.

She eats, but is very picky. Her favorite foods include toast, any fruit, frozen peas, yogurt, and applesauce. She does not like meat or fish.

She can only drink milk from a cup. She has no time for the nonsense of Sippy's or straws. Sitting up to drink can be hard for her, so she does best in the highchair with an adult holding the cup for her.

She says "mama", "dada", "doggie", and "tee-tee" (pretty). I swear I heard an "Adeee!" when she was crawling after Adly one day. But that has only happened once. She is mostly known for her noises at this point. My absolute favorite is when she kisses someone and then goes "ohhhhhh!" She also falls and makes an "oooo!" sound.

Her favorite animals are cows, dogs, lions, bears, and elephants. She can make their sounds and goes crazy when she sees any of the above live and in person. Like when we went to the zoo and saw a lion close up, she went crazy roaring. And when we go for walks, she sees a dog and kicks and wiggles like crazy saying "woof, woof!!"

Ellie continues to even out our family with her calm, happy disposition. We are still all shocked when she cries, because it happens so rarely. She wakes up happy and goes to bed happy. We still have no idea where this bizarre personality came from, and hope it stays forever and ever (even through the threenager years).

While she's really the happiest baby ever, she is also quite the stinker! We are learning her sneaky little ways every day. She has no problem walloping her big sister in the face whenever she can get the chance. She gets into anything and everything she can get her hands on. When she is locked out of a room by baby gates she climbs up the gate, shakes it with all her might and screeches to be let in. Left laying in bed and want to get up or don't want to go to bed? Ellie's answer to that is to kick the walls with all her might (this can be heard throughout the entire house). More than once, Adam and I have caught eyes shaking our heads and realizing....she might be the one that really gives us a run for our money.

Ellie is still a total mama's girl, although she loves her dada and being with him too. She also adores her big sister.

She is a typical little sister and wants everything her big sissy has. Naturally, her big sissy does not enjoy "sharing". But honestly, more often than not, they love playing together. I think Adly is truly starting to enjoy this little being that can chase her, and play silly games with her. They laugh hysterically together over nothing and will play for extended amounts of time on their own. I absolutely adore these times together and only hope they continue. These are the moments I live for.

We are still taking things day by day as far as the low tone diagnosis goes. I've done a lot more reading on it over the last few months. It can come through in many forms as far as speech and fine motor skills are concerned, but for that only time will tell. She will be reevaluated at her one year appointment goes as far as her leg strength progress is concerned and we will discuss the necessity of therapy at that time.

I never could have guess one year ago how much I could love another little being. It's true that those feelings are present, and heavy before another little one comes. But the reality is, your heart really does have so much more room for other little loves. (Although this heart is full enough with two).

Thank you, my sweet Ellie-Bo-Belly for making our lives complete. We love you more than words could ever do justice.

What is this awful sweet stuff you shoved in my mouth!?

 

 

 



Dating While Married.

Last night, I had Adly's preschool orientation. I know. It's here. My oldest baby is officially off to school. And because I can't handle my emotions, I chose to attend the orientation instead of the first day. I was starting to regret that decision. I mean, I'm her mom. I should obviously be there for the first day, right?!! Only, as I sat in the classroom listening to her teacher tell us all the amazing things she's going to be doing and learning this year, I caught sight of something with her name on it. My mind quickly wandered off to the first time we met and when she seemed so small and life was so, so hard. And how we got through that together and how she grew into this amazing, caring little being who is now my ultimate sidekick. And as these thoughts came rushing in, so did the tears. I continued to turn around "looking", trying to dry my tears before any parents could notice the crazy mom who couldn't control her emotions.

Thankfully, in between my awkward stares at the floor and all around the room trying to choke back tears, I caught sight of this mom who gave me a knowing glace and a smile. Of course, I did the awkward smile back and then immediately had to check over my shoulder to make sure I wasn't mistaken and she was actually smiling at her BFF standing behind me. 

Luckily for me, she was looking at me. As we all quietly shuffled to the next room I made some random comment toward her and her husband about being emotionally unstable about my 3 year old entering pre-k and how I, of all people as a teacher, should know she's going to be JUST fine. She replied that she too was a teacher and her first daughter was also starting in the three year old program. My heart began to flutter at the possibility. A new mom friend?! Could it be? No, no it's too good to be true. 

I calmed myself down as we went room to room. As we toured the school, we kept bumping into each other at each stop and continued to find more things in common. She has a 9 month old girl too. She commutes for her job. She was exhausted last night after a long day with her students. And she was so nice! 

After an hour and a half of draining emotional turmoil, I headed out into the cool night. My new "friend" and her husband stepped out the same time I did as we talked about the first day. I knew I had to go for it, but man it is so scary. What if I was rejected? What if she really didn't like me? What if she already has enough friends? What if she doesn't like to pound wine after a long week? (I quickly shooed that idea away though, I mean, come on...she's a teacher!)

As we were awkwardly saying our goodbye's I stammered out the official ask. "So, can I have your number?" 

I mean, that's seriously what I said. Because I have issues. But can you blame me? I left the comfort of my city four months ago, and besides the one mom I stalked on the walk to the car repair shop, I haven't met any new moms! 

Thankfully, she excitedly (I think...or maybe it was just my excitement that made me think she was excited) replied that she would love to exchange numbers and get together with our kids. We then had a great laugh about how awkward it was that her husband was there while I was trying to ask his wife out. Now that I think about it, I sure hope they understood my humor.....

Meeting new mom friends is absolutely like dating. Except you're sober. And there's usually crazy kids running around interrupting your conversations. It usually takes a few hang outs to decide whether your ideals, child raising tactics and drinking preferences mesh. And if all of the above match, then you've definitely found yourself a lifelong friend. You're almost guaranteed to be friends no matter what when your children's ages/sexes match up as well. 

I'm not yet sure where this newfound friendship will go. But I'm excited for what it may become. We've exchanged our first obligatory texts. Since I made the first move, I'm going to wait until after the first day of school to text again. Hopefully she responds and we actually get to have our first official "date", kids and all. 

9 months

Somehow we've moved at lightning speed this summer to jump into the last increment of our first year with miss Eleanor.

The last month was a big one of growth for Ellie, so I felt I had to take some time to write about it. For starters, she's sitting like a champ these days. She is babbling like crazy and working really hard on her "da-da-da" and "na-na-na's". Some others we've heard have been "nye-nye-nye" (which she knows is night-night time) and "ba-ba-ba". She also communicates through squeals and screams. I think if you asked her, she'd say she has full on conversations with Adly, all through noises. While we can figure out a lot about what she's trying to say, I know Adly especially is ready for her to start talking for real. I regularly hear her saying things like "why can't Ellie just talk??" While she may not be saying words, she sure knows how to make her voice heard through yells, screams, and squeals.

This past month, we tossed Ellie into the abyss of the big bath tub with her sister. This dual bath time schedule has been amazing for all of us. Not only does it cut out a big chunk of time, it has given the two girls a whole new world of play. We've discovered Ellie is a total fish and will situate herself right under the water spout anytime it's on. Both girls LOVE splashing like crazy and squealing with delight as they scrub-a-dub. Adly has also been trying to argue her way into having a bath every single night, because she loves them so much now.

While Ellie still has no interest in standing in any way, she continues to find ways to wriggle, rock, and roll her way around places. She has also learned how to sit back up all on her own. Let me tell you, the first time I walked into the room after I had left her laying down and she was sitting, I definitely thought her big sister was playing a trick on me.

Speaking of her big sissy, Adly has definitely taken on a new view of herself in the last month. This is one of little mother hen. Suddenly, my 3 year old is overly interested in mothering Ellie just as I do. Or should I say, copying everything I say to Ellie in her own words while jumping in front of me. Another favorite of hers has become to let me know when I do something "wrong" (different than normal) or when something happens with Ellie.

This was helpful the other day when, just a few days shy of 9 months, Adly yelled out from the living room saying, "Mama! Ellie's crawling over to her toy!! She's crawling!". Of course, I ran in the room just in time to see Ellie sitting in one place and rocking on all fours. Who knows if she was really crawling, but I do think it's a pretty great story that her big sister was actually the one who saw the first "crawl".

Ellie has also made big strides as an eater. The little miss who once refused to eat any foods has totally come into her own. She still loves pouches and will suck them down anytime they're offered. However, she's also moved on to completely random solids. I've said from early on that one area where she far surpassed Adly was in dexterity. I'm amazed at her pincer grasp she's had for quite some time and her ability to pick up the littlest thing. She is very much in a "I can do it myself, mama" mode (look at that, JUST like my toddler!) and likes to only feed herself. If I try to put food in her mouth with my hands, she will push my hand away and grab the food from my fingers to feed herself. Some foods she's tried and loved this month are: strawberries, raspberries, bread of any kind, mango, watermelon and fish. She also likes to be part of the crowd and seems to enjoy just about anything I'm eating and pass on to her. Watching her eat has been so much easier this time around, and the gagging doesn't scare me nearly as much as it did with Adly. She's becoming a better eater by the day.

Ellie continues to be a true delight to our family. It's incredible to me that at one time she wasn't here. I say it all the time, but she is seriously the happiest, most content baby. And I still contend, while I love it, I have no idea where her personality comes from! Her crystal blue eyes are still hanging on strong, with all of us hoping they're here to stay. She naps regularly, two hours in the morning and two in the afternoon. In between she spends her time adoring her sister and doing everything she can to "play" alongside her.

In the next month there will be many more changes within our family. I go back to work at a new job on the 15th and a new nanny will be joining our family. We're very excited about her and I think the girls are going to adore her. I'm looking forward to a quiet 30 minute commute to and from school to wind down every day. A big difference this fall has been Adly's awareness of my "going back to work." I'm hoping she handles it fine, but lately she's been bringing up her hesitance about me "leaving her" more often.

Another big change for our family will be Adly heading to preschool for the first time. We've chosen a quaint little church preschool a short walk from our house. This will be the first time Adly will be spending extended time within a classroom setting and I can't seem to stop myself from crying every time we're there. I don't know why, but this has been by far the hardest transition for me. Following our pediatrician's advice, I will not be attending her first day. This is because I cannot, for the life of me, keep my emotions in check. Even typing this now I've got tears welling up. Something about my little girl who no longer looks like a baby walking into school for the first time all by herself just makes me want to cry like a baby. So, her dada will be taking her for her first day of school, the Tuesday after Labor Day. Deep down, I know that once we get through that, Adly will thrive in preschool and thoroughly enjoy herself. It's just the heaviness of it looming that is too much for me to handle for some reason.

Until next time...

Love you so much, my sweet Ellie-belly. 

3 Years.

And just like that, we have a 3 year old.

A sweet, smiley, curious, smart, funny three year old who loves to pretend, sing, run, jump, and make her little sister laugh.

This past year was a huge one for Adly. Her biggest accomplishment was potty training. She rocked it. She also moved into a big girl bed. Lucky for us, she still has yet to climb out of it at night. 

At 3, Adly can almost count to 15. She has an impeccable photographic memory. I'm still dumbfounded as to where that comes from. This has allowed her to "read" her favorite books by memory. She can spell Adly. She knows she is now three and that her birthday is in July.

Her days revolve around pretend play, and I'm always amazed at the things she comes up with. Almost daily she wakes up as a different animal. She may be a gazelle, a black cheetah, a dog, a kitty...basically anything that comes from a book or a TV show. She will read books and pretend to feed you from whatever is in the book. Or food can come from colors on a beach ball. It's all in the pretend for Adly.

Pretend play also carries over into dressing up. Adly still loves wearing her princess dresses, old Halloween costumes, etc. Basically anything she can get her hands on. She'll often ask to be announced as whomever she is in that moment when she enters a room.

Some weird things I have to note this year are the lining up of things. Anyone else's kid do that? We've literally started to know when she's been somewhere, merely by seeing things lined up. She lines up her animals, letter on the fridge, books....really anything that's moveable. Another oddity
that's developed is her incessant need to carry 5 toys with her EVERYWHERE. These items follow her to the car, room to room, to the store....you name it, she's got a handful of random toys. Her go-to's are Bubble Kitty, Bubble Puppy, and a picture book.

Adly began to love movies this year, mostly by force when her sister came. Her favorites are Madagascar, Mr. Horton Hears a Who and Frozen. TV show favorites are still Bubble Guppies, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and Lion Guard.

Adly's also stepping into 3 by testing the waters to see exactly what she can get away with. She is very smart, almost too smart and I often find myself saying you know what you're supposed to be doing....so do it. Time out has worked for us all through the the terrible two's which thankfully weren't too terrible for us. Almost the day after she turned 3, I noticed an immediate switch to saying things like "I want it RIGHT.Noooow!" and "Please, please pleeeeeease mama!". I don't know where these whiney habits came from.

This September, Adly will be starting preschool three days a week. My feelings about it ebb and flow. She's more than ready. But the thought of my baby going to school under someone else's charge just makes me so sad for some reason! I took her to tour it the other day. She woke up from nap that day and said, "mama you can just take me back to preschool and drop me off now." (Cue the sobs.)

Adly also became a big sister this year. She truly handled it like a rockstar and, best of all, she really adores her title sister. I hope their love for each other always stays this way. Of course, "sharing" is VERY hard, but for now, Ellie couldn't care less. Adly is Ellie's number one fan. She makes Ellie giggle and helps me every day to entertain her. They're already developing their own language. I know Adly is counting the days and minutes until Ellie can finally "play" with her.

Over the last year, my shy, timid little girl has blossomed into an outgoing, observant big girl. She seems to have no fear at the park. She walks up to kids at the park and says, hi! She knows what she wants and she isn't afraid to say it. She falls and (most of the time) jumps up right away and says, "I'm alright!" However, if a boo-boo warrants a band-aid, cue the dramatics!

Adly begins her third year in suburbia. She seems to love the transition so far and is loving her backyard. She misses our old park and talks about it a lot. But more than anything, I think she is loving the space she has.

Here are some things Adly loves going into 3:
Favorite Food: Waffles...umm wait no tacos!
Favorite Color: purple....uhh no! Its pink.
Favorite TV show: Bubble Guppies and Horton Hears a Who
Favorite thing to do at the park: Slide down somewhere
Favorite Animal: cow
Favorite Toy: Bubble Kitty
Favorite Book: Leo the Late Bloomer

With that, we enter into the world of three. To my fun-loving, strong-headed first born: mama loves you to pieces. I can't wait to see you continue to grow and blossom as a three-year-old!

The Life of an Almost 3 year old...

I've been so terrible about updating this blog. Life has gotten so in the way, it is very rare I find time anymore to sit down and let my thoughts flow.

However, lately, I find myself watching Adly and wanting so desperately to hold on to so many moments in this stage. There is no doubt that there are days I want to pull my hair out from the incessant "why" questions and the non-stop talking. But there are also some really crazy moments that happen right now that have made me stop in my tracks and really try to soak them in.

The other day, Adam had taken the girls to the park when I got home from work. I went over to meet them and found Adam walking Ellie trying to get her to nap. Adly was off running around so I went over to meet her. I was immediately struck by how much she had grown over the winter. Here was this confident, outgoing girl who was running here and there, climbing with ease and giggling like crazy. When she noticed I was there, she happened to be sitting up on a ledge, about 3 feet off the ground. She motioned for me to come over to her.

When I got there, she explained she needed to get down but was scared. I told her she could jump, it wasn't that high. She immediately went into her shell, got all quiet and said she couldn't do it. So I told her I'd "help" her. My version of help was that I was going to fake hold her and let her do it on her own. I'm that kind of mean mom. Sure enough, when she jumped and I failed to hold her, she survived! And what's more, she realized she really could do it. What followed for the next 15 minutes was Adly excitedly climbing up, asking me to watch her, saying she wasn't sure she could do it, jumping, and then giggling and beaming with pride at her accomplishments.

I, of course, couldn't stop tearing up. It was such a small moment of confidence building that for whatever reason, has stuck with me since it happened. These moments are so fleeting, and it just so happened to capture innocence of my first born that is quickly slipping away with each day.

This past week, we closed on our new house and on the same day looked at preschools. I have literally been counting the days to preschool. Adly so desperately needs social interaction with other kids, and I know it will be a great experience for her. However, at the end of the first tour, I started tearing up and then could not stop the tears! I know. I was that mom! And to think, I work in schools! But I can't even begin to explain the rush of emotions that overcame me when I realized my baby girl really is growing up. Soon she will be one of many in a class, listening to a teacher, learning social norms, and having to problem-solve, all without her mama there to help. (Cue the sobs!)

She has recently started telling me she loves me. Like, really telling me. For the longest time, you'd tell Adly you loved her and she'd reply with "thank you." Now there are days when I come home from work and she looks me in the eye and says, "Mama, I was worried about you today. I want you to know I love you." She'll watch me leave in the mornings and Adam will text me saying she said, "Mama is so pretty. I'm really going to miss her today. I'm going to pray for her." She doesn't only do this with me. She's also begun telling Adam she loves him, as well as other family members. And the best, my favorite, is when I say goodnight, she always says, "goodnight mama. I love you!"

Her imagination is running insanely wild. These days, she wakes up as anything ranging from a gazelle to a pony to a doggie. She always announces in the morning what she is by saying things like, "the gazelle is happy to see you today!" And from there on out, for the rest of the day, you will be informed on what the gazelle is doing and what the gazelle would like.

While Adly's speech is quite amazing, there are a few things she says incorrectly that I don't want to forget because it is so gosh darn cute.
-pur-rayers (prayers) "Mama, can we say our pur-rayers tonight?"
-spice (slice) "One spice of pizza for you!"
-seer-e-up (syrup) "Can I have more seer-e-up please?"

Adly thrives on the moments when just her and I get to have alone time. Her favorite thing is when I can time Ellie's nap with Adly's and can usually get Adly first. This gives her and I some much needed one on one time. I'll climb into bed with her and we'll pretend (for as long as I can take it), to cook cupcakes, pancakes, bacon, and ice cream cones. We take orders like we're in a restaurant and then bake the foods and serve it to each other. She never wants these moments to end and oftentimes, it leaves me realizing how little she gets all of my attention any more.

Having two is hard. I don't know how moms have more and where they find the energy to cater to all the kids. I feel stretched thin on a regular basis and no doubt have major moments of stress, anxiety, and frustration. Sometimes, all of the above at once. But these memorable moments help make it all worth the hard times. I'm really trying hard to hold on to the meaningful moments and move on quickly from the tough ones. Sometimes thats easy, sometimes it takes a lot of complaining and wine.

Adly turns three in July and I just can't even wrap my head around how we got this far so fast. I feel like I'm going to blink and she'll be six. For now, I'm continuing to try to slow down and soak in all the greatness that this age brings. (And take deeper breaths when all the craziness of this age wants to make me disappear to a foreign country). 

Love you, my sweet pea. 

6 months!

Every month I shake my head in disbelief how fast time has flown...but here we are. Halfway to a year. I cannot believe my littlest is now 6 months.

The last two months have been big ones, for all of us. Mama and dada are now both back to work and we have a new nanny watching the girls. Everyone seems to be adjusting well to the changes for the most part. Figuring out how to balance a job that is draining and then putting on my mom-hat each night has proven to be a challenge for sure. I tip my hat to all moms...working or staying home. Both require so much energy!

Mother's Day at the park with my girls. 

 

Ellie has grown leaps and bounds in so many ways. Her favorite activities these days are flinging herself forward and then backwards as she tries to work on her core. She also loves diving forward for objects while being supported and sitting. Just before six months she started rolling this way and that, working her way towards an object. She is still not a fan of bearing any weight on her little legs, so we practice getting used to that as well. This is an area where she is so very different from Adly.

At her 6 month checkup, we did learn that Ellie falls into the low-range of tone for her legs. From what I can gather, this means she may need physical therapy in the coming months to help her along and strengthen her legs. She still has no desire to bear any weight on them and turns into a big flop when being prompted to do so. She will likely hit all of her milestones regarding crawling and walking later (just as she has rolled later). Hopefully my little peanut can keep up as she grows.

Happiest baby I know (with the coolest rooster tail).  

Her favorite location to play is in front of our closet door mirrors. Here is where Ellie and I can sit and she can giggle in awe at the fact that she can see me in the mirror....and when she turns her head. She consistently does a double take, almost saying, "wait...there's my mama...but then she's here too!?!" Here she also practices making all kinds of noises, her most recent favorite being something like a growl.

Eating. That's so 4 months! The last two months, Ellie has spent her time in the high chair making the most horrendous faces, full of pure astonishment that I would even fathom the thought of feeding her things like applesauce and sweet potatoes and cauliflower. I know, I know. I'm a horrible person. But  she loves to watch her sister and I eat. And then she tries to grab at the spoon. Then she shoves the spoon in her mouth and we all applaud and say, "Yaaaay! That's how you eat, Ellie!" And then come back the looks of pure horror of the god awful food she just tasted. Some day, just not now.

We got her first giggles this month. I love baby giggles. Of course, the one person who can get the most giggles is her big sister Adly.

Adly is still Ellie's number one lady. As she's getting more mobile, Adly is loving being Ellie's punching bag. She will lay face to face with Ellie and laugh hysterically as Ellie smacks and pulls Adly's hair. Now that Ellie can sit up with assistance, she loves to face Adly and grab at her clothes and feet, then lean in for hugs. Let's hope Adly's patience for her little sister continues as the years go by. They are also starting to interact with smiles and their own little ways of communicating. It sure warms the soul. 

Walked in to find these two having their own moment. 

Finally, naps. Regularly scheduled naps appear to also be so four months for Ellie. Gone are the days when she would consistently nap two hours in the morning and two in the afternoon. Every day seems to be a crapshoot for naps. My only saving grace is that she is seriously the happiest baby ever--unless she's tired. And when she is tired, she will nap. When she's not, she's just ready to party.

A rare nap in mama's arms. 

In other, much bigger news, our family as a whole has made some life changing decisions in the last two months.

For starters, we are moving to the suburbs! Honestly, suburbia has been calling since we had Adly. However it really took the last three years of stair climbing, parking spot finding, and baby carseat carrying to make us realize its time. I long for a driveway, a basement, and a backyard. This winter, having all four of us at home was the final straw. Adly is a toddler and has so much more energy that needs to be burned off and requires the space to do so. We both grew up with a backyard and a basement to play in, and began longing for our kids to have the same things.

And so, we finally pulled the trigger and will be heading out of the city at the end of this school year.

This decision also means I have to leave my job that I love. There are laws requiring teachers to live within city limits that I was not willing to mess with. I am so unbelievably sad to leave my work family and all the students and families I've come to know and love over the last 7 years. My school is such a special place and I am forever grateful I learned from the best during my time here. Starting the next school year, I'll be in a new school, new grade, and totally new environment.

We are honestly so excited and sad at the same time to leave the life and friends we've known for the better part of 11 years. But there will be so many more opportunities for our little family and the girls out that way, so we think it is the best decision we could have made. Wish us luck, in all the upcoming adventures for B-way, party of four!

Until next time...

 Checking out the big kids at the park.

 Those smiles!

 First time on the swings, compliments of her big sister.

 A moment with my oldest.

4 Months

During the last month, Adam and I celebrated 6 glorious years together and then we headed off to Arizona for a two week long family vacation. It was a good, long vacation for all of us and we certainly enjoyed the weather. Our trip took up most of February, so the month went by fairly quickly. 

This month was definitely Ellie's most difficult time so far. We spent a lot of it trying to figure out who this screaming child was, and what happened to our sweet, quiet, always sleeping baby!? After a lot of trial and error, it appears that poor Ellie was being underfed.

I'm sorry to out you Ellie....but this was literally what most of our month looked like. 

Ever since she arrived, my milk production has been much lower than it was with Adly. All I can gather is that Ellie slept so much in the beginning, that she didn't eat as much as Adly did, which lowered my production. And because I didn't pump to keep production high, it quickly tapered off. Therefore, especially in the last month, any time I've even tried pumping, I've only gotten 1-2 ounces. In the last week and a half, we've been using frozen milk and slowly switched over to formula. And since then, the difference in her demeanor has been night and day. It makes me feel terrible for letting it go for so long. And is just another reminder that even the second time around, these babies are a constant mystery!

I remember when I weaned with Adly I had a lot of sentimental moments and felt guilty and so on. However this time around I was more than happy to make the switch. There wasn't an ounce of sadness for some reason. I think it was because I saw how much more she needed and I just couldn't provide it. We are still nursing at random times, and I'll likely continue that as long as my body will allow. But for the most part she is on formula at this point. 

Ellie has also completely scheduled herself as far as sleeping goes. I throw my hands up on this one. I worked so hard with Adly to make it happen...and I have no idea how, but Ellie just fell right into it. Maybe it was because Adly is already so routined it just naturally forced it. But whatever it was, I am so grateful for it. Throughout the last month, she seemed to be working out the kinks with sleeping through the night. There were some occasional wake ups and some occasional screaming fits at bedtime, both of which I now believe came from hunger. Either way, she's been sleeping 7am-6am for most of the month. And she is like clockwork. Being minutes off creates a screaming banshee. As soon as nighttime fell into place, naps followed right behind. She now naps two hours in the morning, one to two hours in the afternoon, and then a little hour long catnap in the early evening. I'm not kidding, and I don't know how it happened. It just did. Adly took months and months to nail down naps. I do think I probably naturally implemented a lot more routine than I did with Adly because this time around it is now second nature. So that likely helped.

We also officially dropped the pacifier this month. While it was so helpful to calm her in touchy situations (most of the time), she really prefers her thumbs way more. Somehow, both of my girls are full on thumbsuckers. I have mixed emotions about it. I know it by far has helped them become really good sleepers. But I also know, getting them to stop will be an uphill battle. I just hope that as they age, they don't hold onto it as I know some kids do.

She has found her voice in the last week or so and it is really the cutest thing I've seen. Before she came, I was already worrying that the poor girl would never be able to get a word in with her big sister running the show. Thankfully, so far, I appear to be wrong in my worries. She loves to "sing" at the top of her lungs and experiment with different sounds. She does this the most when she's laying on her play mat. She has also taken an interest in toys. She swats at them and tries to pull them into her mouth. Her big sister has had a REALLY hard time seeing all these new, tempting baby toys come out of storage. We've definitely had our share of "sharing with sister" talks...although Ellie could really care less that her sister constantly steals her toys from her.

Big sissy helping little sissy with tummy time. 

Ellie has little interest in rolling over so far, although she will sometimes attempt it when on her tummy (I think only because she wants off of her tummy). I am, self admittedly, terrible with implementing tummy time. However when we do it, I roll her over so she can get the sensation of it and man, does she HATE it. So I'm not going to be surprised if she's late to the party on that development.

Our winter wonderland of family time is all too quickly winding down, and I will soon be faced with the dreaded return to work. We were unbelievably lucky that our timing worked out just as we had hoped. I don't know how I would have survived had Adam not been home to tag team with me. I know, it sounds spoiled rotten. But I maintain that I was just not mentally equipped with the tools to handle newborns on my own. It is, to me, the hardest job on the face of the planet. Especially in the first three months.

While I'm having a hard time mentally preparing to leave little Ellie with someone else, Adly is desperately in need of a new person to come in to play with her. She is definitely bored with mom and dad and ready for some different interaction. There is another part of me that is also ready to get back to work and see my kiddos I left what now seems like light years ago. It will be interesting to come in at the end of the year and see how much they've grown as students and little people.

My girls. 

For our last month at home, I'm headed to Nashville for my future sister in law's bachelorette party and we are busy planning "lasts" to do as a family before Adam heads into his crazy busy season. This last month for Ellie was such a big one of growth, I can't wait to see what March brings for us.

Six years...so many memories! 

Ready for my first flight!

 Family selfie in Sedona. 

 Happy girl, poolside.

 Another happy girl in the sun. 

She was happy...some of the time!  

 Dada and his girls. 

 Tucson to see uncle Chris and aunt Cole!

 Papa and Tata came too!

Love you to pieces, Miss Eleanor.