Monday, March 31, 2014

This Crazy Life

We're big fans of calamity in our daily lives around here, so per usual, there never really is a dull moment for our family of three.

As I mentioned previously, we were recently in the process of moving. As I also mentioned, I was also facing a pretty major knee surgery. Of course, according to the way our lives go, all of these things culminated at the same time. Throw in a little grades being due, conferences, and Adam's impending return to work and we've had ourselves an F-5 sized life-tornado in the last month. And just as we had said after all the birthing and new parenthood craziness, we once again reminded ourselves, "if we can make it through all of this in the first 2 years of marriage, we can make it through anything!"

First, it was the opportunity to get out of our incredibly small apartment. As I've said, I loved that apartment. But it was just too small. Day in and day out, I found myself swearing up and down we needed to move out as soon as possible. Then one day the landlord randomly called and said if we wanted to get out of our lease early, we could, no problem. We jumped at the chance and within a few days found a new apartment that was twice the size. We sat on the apartment and went back and forth over whether we should take it or not. The plus-side was that it was HUGE. So. Much. Space. The downsides were no AC, no in-unit laundry, and the kicker...on the 3rd floor. Despite our hesitations, we just couldn't pass up the space. So we signed on it, preparing to move in April 1.

Two days later, my knee dislocated in front of my school. In the severe fall, I landed on my face, and was suddenly, literally smacked in the face by the realization that Adly very easily could have been in my arms. And when my knee dislocates, there is nothing to stop me from falling. This has been an ongoing issue I've been avoiding for years because, well, frankly it sucks. The surgery sucks and so does the recovery. Instead of repairing it, I had resolved to just "dealing" with the occasional dislocation and fall. This was all, of course, before having a child. Funny how they change your perspective on so many things.

This time I knew I couldn't just ignore it, so I set up an appointment with a top orthopedic specialist in Chicago and then within a week had a surgery date set for March 28th...a mere three weeks later. Suddenly we realized we needed to push up our move and ohmyword we were moving to a THIRD FLOOR apartment only one week before knee surgery. Such luck.

In the last three weeks, we've moved, we've unpacked quickly, and then I went in for surgery. Everything appears to have gone just fine. Or, as fine as possible. It was a major surgery. Three incisions. Lots of internal mending, tying, grafting, screwing and rebuilding. Let's just hope to everything thats heavenly above that I never have to deal with a loose kneecap again.

Thankfully, to aid in my repair has been my loving husband and daughter, as well as our family and friends...because, oh yeah, we have an 8 month old that needs constant care too. Suddenly, our household has become one of one parent and two babies. I can't do anything without his assistance, and neither can Adly. But, just like everything we've encountered in the last year and a half of marriage, we will get through it. We will come out stronger thanks to our love, the support of our family, and our endlessly amazing friends.

But let me tell you, I thought we'd hit rock bottom that early morning in the hospital room, bleary-eyed, hours after delivery with that awful spray bottle in hand. But no. There's lower. You haven't really experienced marriage until your husband is holding your leg up by the side of the tub, cheering you on as you try your best to squeeze out a non-existent poop after taking constipating pain medications for four days straight.

Yes, that, my friends, is true love.

 Call it what you will, this little one has definitely known something's not right with mommy. She's been my little snuggle bug since I returned from the hospital on Friday. 


Friday, March 28, 2014

Letting Go

When I was pregnant and taking hospital classes and then when Adly was first born, it was as though there were flashing neon lights all around me pointing to "must breastfeed, boobies are the only way!" With my blinders on, I didn't research or plan for other options (yes, believe me, I know there are other options but I was an ignorant soon to be new mommy who blissfully believed everything was going to be all rainbows and fairytales). These days, the popular push of all for new moms is to breastfeed. In my experience, the "other" options were rarely talked about. Thankfully for us, breastfeeding worked out perfectly fine. Otherwise I'm sure it would've only caused yet another meltdown on top of the other thousand meltdowns I was having per day in the crazy first few weeks.

The first three months as a new mommy were definitely the worst for me. I didn't handle it well at all, and I'll admit, I'm not looking forward to going through it again with child number two down the road. One of the things I struggled with the most during that time was nursing. I hated being so tied down. I constantly felt as though I couldn't do anything without having her by my side and that is an awful feeling for someone who is selfish and enjoys personal space. Suddenly there is this adorable little being who needs and wants to be with you ALL. THE. TIME. No matter the hour.

There were countless times where I wanted to throw in the towel. I would often get to the point of, "I'll feed her this last time and then I'm done. Done. Done. DONE." Only, I could never bring myself to stop. I'd love to say it's because deep down I had an unrequited love for it or the connection it provided for my daughter and I was so strong I couldn't let it go. But that wouldn't be true. Not at that time.

I never quit because I was scared. Scared of change. Scared of the unknown world of formula. Scared of not being able to change my mind. Quitting nursing is a finality. There is no deciding to go back once you're done. To me, it was just too big of a leap to make during such a fragile and vulnerable time. So we plugged on. I began setting little goals to make it to. Quitting the next feeding slowly became, "when we get to 3 months, we'll stop." Then it was, "when I go back to work at 6 months, we'll stop." Then it was, "whenever I get sick of pumping at work, we'll stop." Then it became, "whenever my body stops producing enough, I'll stop."

The truth is, once I came into my own as a new mom and my daughter stopped crying for reasons I could never figure out, I began to truly enjoy nursing. It did provide a bond between Adly and I. I began to cherish those quiet moments between the two of us. Better yet, I began to look forward to them. Suddenly it became a matter of, "can we really make it to 1 year?!"

Unfortunately, life had other plans in store for us. In the end of February, I found out we needed to schedule a major knee surgery for the end of March. It was at that time that I finally felt okay with the idea of stopping nursing. Sure, we could probably have found a way around it. I could probably do a lot of things to keep it going, but my personal choice and what feels right to me has been to stop. I'm proud of myself for making it to 8 months. It is WAY longer than I ever could have imagined nursing amidst all of this parenting madness.

In the last few weeks, we've slowly dropped feeding after feeding, letting my engorged boobs go for as long as I can until they get the memo to stop producing. Stopping nursing is a process and takes time. Therefore I think it hasn't been nearly as difficult as I expected it to be. I've had the time to be able to mentally plan out which feeding to drop next. And let's be honest, we all know how I like my plans. I've also had a million other things to stress about during the last month, so I'm sure that has helped. There is also an emotional piece to quitting, I think. I'm tearing up at the drop of a hat again these days. But who really knows what's to blame for that. I mean, it's not like we haven't been moving with an infant, finishing up the end of the 3rd quarter grades, conferences AND prepping for a big surgery. Ahhhh, life.

Oh and formula? That dark, scary, unknown world? It's just fine. And the attachment to my number one lady? We're just fine. She now takes that bottle with her two teeny little independent hands, snuggles up in my arms, brings her eyes to mine, and suddenly all is right with the world again. 

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Moving Day

It's official. We gave our notice, our landlord agreed, and promptly filled our very humble little abode. Done and done. We are moving.

I've wanted out of this apartment since last June when we resigned our lease. It is way, way too small for three of us. It was almost too small for two of us. But when it came time to re-sign last June, I was 8 months pregnant, hot as hell, and very closely resembling the Kool-Aid man busting through walls. I was in no condition to go through the strife of moving. So we stayed put.

When we were engaged, looking for a new apartment to start our married life in, we loved this place. On one cold April night, we raced over at 7pm to see it, saw it with two other couples, raced home to fill out the application and raced back to the landlord to beat out everyone else. And we got it.

This apartment was our first home as a married couple. I spent hours and hours on the floor crafting projects for my insane DIY wedding here. We housed a dear friend of ours for a few weeks when she was making a life transition. We called ourselves Three's Company. She got to be Chrissy. I had to be Janet. I'm not bitter, I swear.

We got married living here. Eight weeks later I sat in this bathroom peeing on a stick while praying that I wasn't pregnant because I wasn't ready, we had just gotten married, I wanted to go on my honeymoon still, there was no way....

Three tests later, well, we all now know what happened.

It was in this apartment that we called all four of our parents and all four times got to tell them at 11pm on a weeknight that we were pregnant! We cried, we laughed, we celebrated.

It was here that I spent 9 months living the roller coaster that is pregnancy. Dreaming and wondering what our little offspring was going to be like, if it was a boy or a girl, what it would look like. It was also here that I painstakingly crafted, created, and purchased all the items for her nursery.

This apartment is where our daughter was born. It's where she has spent the first 8 months of her life. It's where she learned to roll, sit, smile, giggle, and babble.

But we've outgrown this first space. And so it's time to move on. I'm so happy to have had all of these firsts here. It was the perfect first apartment for our family.

So now we're off. On to bigger and better spaces to make new memories. As a family of three, a few blocks away from our first family "home".

At least we've got help moving this time. Get to work, smiley!

8 Months


8 months has been yet another month of amazing growths and new discoveries. It really is incredible how much these babes take in, change, grow, and learn every day. On that note I have to also mention hair. I swear it grows overnight these days! Gone is the party in the back mullet she rocked for many months. Here's where our smiley munchkin is at 8 months out of the womb.

-What a personality! This was the month where her personality has really begun to shine. She is happier than ever before and becoming quite a ham. Towards the end of 8 months, she's begun responding to "cheeeeeeese" with a big gummy-mouthed grin. She's doing much better with strangers once she gets a chance to warm up to them....as long as mom or dad are near. She also knows her name and always responds to it. That is, unless she feels like ignoring you. 

-Speaking of gummy grins, that first tooth is still very slowly making its way out. It is still not visible to the naked eye, so therefore we aren't counting it as a first tooth. Maybe this month?

-I can describe her wiggles these days only as resembling that of an octopus. When you hold her out or when she gets fussy, the arms and legs get kicking and wiggling just like the many arms of an octopus. It's quite hilarious. 

-She is very quickly finding many ways to get on the move. She dives at toys, flips herself upside down in your lap, rolls and attempts to climb over anything in her way. Usually these attempts are all made to reach anything she's not supposed to have. Favorites these days are cords, remotes, and phones. 

-Food is becoming more and more of a struggle mostly because she's regularly turning her nose up at my fantastic purees. After much research, concern, and worry (as goes with everything these little ones do), it appears this change in food choices is more to do with consistency. She's my little miss independent and she seems to enjoy eating chunkier solids more than being spoon-fed. Now we're up against trying to find good foods that are easily prepared in advance. I was so hoping to enjoy the easy puree stage for longer than a few short months!

-Her snuggles seem to have come back, thankfully. Some of my most favorite moments of this past month have been in the quiet darkness of her room at the very end of the night and the first thing in the morning. It's in these moments that she snuggles up under my chin, lays her head down, and sucks her thumb. The only noise in the room is her quiet breaths and the hum of the humidifier. We stand there together for about 5 minutes and its such a quiet peacefulness, I never want it to end.

I can hold it for you da da!

Saturday, March 8, 2014

A New Friendship

When I was pregnant, Adam and I happened into a store that had the cutest little random sock monkey for sale. As soon as I saw it, I wanted it to be ours for our new little baby to one day toddle around with. Adam said I was silly and it was time to quit buying so much stuff for our future child.

A few days later, I was surprised with a gift of my beloved sock monkey from my thoughtful husband. Since then, it's remained perched on Adly's bookshelf in her nursery. Lately, one of her favorite things to do has been to look up and "talk" to things around her room. Her favorites are her doggy and alphabet paintings. Yep, until she's old enough to scoop the poop, her only pet doggy will be in the form of a painting.

Anyways, today she pointed out the monkey. So I brought it down and held it in front of her. She was fascinated by it, so I sat her down next to the monkey and began shooting away. What I got was the forming of a new friendship. She's not in daycare so the girls got to have some kind of friend, right??













Sunday, March 2, 2014

A New Milestone

For months I've been watching my friends' babies deep in the throes of teething. I still remember my friend Laura coming to our moms group meet-up when her son was 4 months and how excited she was at the appearance of his first tooth. We all clapped, cheered, excitedly felt his new tooth and celebrated his big milestone together. From the fussing, the non-sleeping, to the not even phased, no matter how they handle it, a baby cutting their first tooth really is an exciting time.

Our little princess has been drooling and chewing her way through the last few months with no teeth in sight. Over and over we've blamed her behaviors and random crankiness on teething, only to still end up with no teeth. I guess we all have bad days, no matter the age.

This weekend as Adly was chomping down on my finger as usual, what felt like a little bump caught my attention. Could it be?! I excitedly began intentionally feeling to see if it was a tooth. I called Adam over to back up my claims. Sure enough, he felt it too. Just the faintest feeling of her first pearly white poking out.

First I panicked. Am I ready for teething? No. I've been witness to all of the texts from my moms group over the sleepless nights, the crying, the pain, the irritability. I want none of it. Why is it the minute you get settled with a baby, something has to change and throw all of your newly routined life out the window? This is just another thing that's going to try to mess with our current juju.

Then, I cried. My little bitty baby is growing and changing so fast. She's becoming a little girl. A human being with a personality. I love her more and more every day and there are times I just sit back and have to take a minute to mourn the end of a phase. Crazy isn't it? I cried because I realized in a matter of days I won't have a gummy-mouthed baby anymore. No, her grins will now be specked with pearly whites, making her seem that much older.

Now I've dried my tears and decided to fully embrace Tooth Watch 2014. It's coming any day now. The ridges of the top of the tooth are starting to break through. The drool is in overdrive. Seriously...I never thought it would be possible to have more drool.  The irritability is on and off. This is excitement! Who needs the Olympics when you have a baby cutting a tooth!? I mean, come on people.

So in honor of the coming tooth, I'm going to take a moment to post one last picture of my gummy-mouthed grinning munchkin. If only we could freeze every little moment.
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