Who are you!?!

Pregnancy is quite an interesting ride I'm finding out...and I've only been on it for what I think is 12 weeks. Every day is different. One day I may see the end to one symptom (small victories) only to bring on the onset of a new symptom. Some days an old symptom even likes to comes back to rear its ugly head.

This week has brought on the onset of what I'm starting to think of as, "What the hell took over K's body and turned it into the devil reincarnated?!?" Now, I have a temper from time to time- when I'm not pregnant. I'm stubborn and make it known when I'm upset or don't agree with something. Its a true Leo quality that I'm mostly proud of. But, due to these fiery tendencies, I've always been secretly a little scared of being pregnant due to all the horror stories that I've heard happen when hormones hijack your body and take it for a ride. I always knew I'd be no match for such things...and I'm finding that to be true very early on. 

The interesting thing I'm finding about pregnancy hormones is that they are so strong--you can't stop them. I swear, you get upset over the toilet paper being the wrong way on the roll holder, then the tears and swear words start flowing and then you're not sure why you're so upset nor do you know how to stop it all, and then suddenly you realize you're crying over toilet paper. Its like in The Exorcist when Reagan's head spins around. Suddenly your possessed and there's no stopping the rage or the tears. A's gotten the brunt of it this week to the point I'm not sure if he knows what to say or how to look at me without myself going off the deep end. From what I've read, this is quite normal...I promise. Although, I know he doesn't think that right now....nor does he necessarily deserve it. 

Pregnancy is a funny thing. On one hand, its something that can be shared in every way possible between two people. But on another hand, its nearly impossible for someone (being the partner) who's not pregnant to fully understand what you're going through at any given moment. That is the most frustrating part. In some ways, I'd give my left sore boob for A to be able to really understand what I'm going through. But then, what fun would only one sore boob be?

Yes, I may fall asleep like a narcoleptic at any given moment. Yes, I may cry over every commercial that has a baby in it. Yes, I may feel like I'm going to die and whine like a baby when nausea hits. Yes, I may be so hungry at any given moment that I will claw your eyes out until you stop the car and get me food. But its the hormones talking--not me....I SWEAR!!

Now, where's my snack!?!?

1, 2, 3....K's Pregnant!!

This past week was a whirlwind of travel and family and FINALLY getting to spill our big news to everyone. We'd been dying to tell our brothers and sisters so we were so excited when the time finally came. And they were beyond surprise.

Our plan of attack was to have A's dad hold the camera and line the siblings/significant others in front of the tree for our usual family pic. Once lined up, the camera holder said "Everyone say, Merry Christmas!" Only, our sibs weren't very enthusiastic and didn't repeat. Then A's dad said, "Alright, everyone say, "K's Pregnant!" This got A's younger brother and his gf's attention, but no one else's. He repeated it again, at which time people started looking at us like, "WHAT?!?!" To which I replied, "WE ARE PREGNANT!!"

Here's a picture of us all lined up, the baby missile about to deploy....

Shock. Pure shock...then joy ensued. It was priceless. No one was more excited than A's younger brother Mike who happens to also be our neighbor. Uncle Mike as he's calling himself now has already been talking to Baby B letting it know that he's it's uncle and how excited he is for Baby B to arrive.

Then it was off to A's whole family party. This year the big shindig was based around a talent show. A and I planned a few weeks prior to do a sort of Mad Gab bit, creating a nonsensical sentence to be said out loud to reveal its true meaning.

Our sentence was: "Hour fame lee his crow ring bye two feat his jewel I". Can you figure it out? It took a little bit- with some people guessing right away- "She's pregnant!" To which A's cousin Emily immediately replied, "She is NOT!!!". Once the sentence was finally figured out, everyone went crazy. It was a pretty neat experience to be able to tell his whole family at once. Here we are with our easel after the reveal.

Then it was off to MI to tell my siblings on Christmas day. We again deployed the plan of line the sibs up in front of the tree and once again shock the hell out of them. This time, it worked sort of like a charm. Only, when my dad said K's pregnant- my sibs didn't flinch because they thought he was joking. He kept repeating it, and then started crying. Thats when they knew something was amiss. Here's the video of that reveal.

Once again, shock. And tears. From all of us in my family. We're criers, what can I say? Any of you who attended the wedding can attest to that!

We are SO glad everyone is aware of our big news now and no more having to hide it. I'm most excited that I no longer have to fake drink!! Woo-hoo!! Its the small things in life these days.

Hope all of you had as fabulous holiday as we did!!

xoxo

Morning Sickness: you evil B.

Morning sickness. The term itself is quite deceiving. In fact, one of the most interesting things about pregnancy is no single pregnant woman or pregnancy for that matter is alike. Everyone is different. When it comes to morning sickness, it can mean many things. Nausea, throwing up, gagging, sweats, chills, headaches and I'm sure countless other symptoms. Sounds fun, doesn't it?

In my case, I still feel as though I've been quite lucky. Being that I was 7 weeks along before I even had an inkling I could be pregnant, my symptoms just weren't that strong besides sore boobs. Alright, there may have been other signs but we all know by now I'm clearly not the sharpest pencil when it comes to this stuff. Anyways, morning sickness for me does not come in the mornings. In fact, I feel great every morning. No, my time of desperation and despair comes in the evenings, randomly. It hits me like a ton of bricks and knocks me down square. I'll admit, I'm a sensitive Sally when it comes to being sick. I don't handle it well. At all.

I'll be feeling just fine...then comes the nausea out of nowhere. Everything smells awful, everything looks awful, everything sounds awful. I lay down. Then it feels like I'm going to vomit all over. Only I don't. I lay moaning and groaning with the constant pressure of almost feeling like puking in my throat. Then come the chills and the sweats. Thats when I'm sure its over. Death is upon me. I'm not going to make it. I start saying my goodbyes in my head, preparing for the worst. And then, its all over. Just like that....and I fall asleep. At 8pm.

A has been amazing through all of this. He's begun last second runs for Sprite or saltines, whichever I'm in desperation for at the moment. Although, this is clearly not what he strives for. What A can't wait for are the cravings. Which he's absolutely positive are going to be in line with his cravings. Last night while I was on the brink of a sure morning sickness death, he so sweetly ran out to get Sprite for me. As he came in, he excitedly pulled out a box of Skinny Cow peanut butter and chocolate ice cream sandwiches too. "Look what I got!" A said excitedly. "You probably really have a craving for these, don't you!!?? These will be SO good!"

My insides were churning and "Uggghhh" was all I could muster. After the shadow of death had passed over me, he brought up the sandwiches again. And thats also when we (I) were able to have a good laugh about how excited he is for cravings...and how so far only his cravings have been present. But thats OK, right? Future dad's get to feel some of the pregnancy...and if thats the part he gets to feel, I couldn't be more excited for him.

In other news, here is our first belly pic. Its just barely starting to pop out in the evenings. Just enough to make me unbutton my pants like I do on Thanksgiving...every night of the week. This was taken right before A took us out for a nice Christmas dinner downtown and shopping...all of which was stopped short by another bout of morning sickness. Oh the joys!!

Week 10:

And the surprises keep on coming....

So our first ultrasound was today. This was us before we walked into the Dr's office. A combination of terrified and excited. If you read the previous two posts, I was clearly a nervous wreck. It was a tough week to say the least. I'm not sure I've ever been so worried about anything. But, as of today, my fears were put to rest.

Introducing, Baby Bway!

If you've seen an ultrasound before, then you can probably guess from the image of our little peanut that we are not 7 weeks along as we previously thought. It was supposed to be the size of a blueberry...a blob of some sort. Nope, its a full human at a whopping 10 weeks! As I mentioned in a previous post, I had to have bloodwork done on Monday to check for my HCG levels- to ensure the pregnancy was progressing as it should. I was supposed to follow up with another one on Wednesday--looking for an increase in numbers. Well, the fabulous nurse called me at lunch to tell me my hormone counts were so high, there was no need for further tests. We were definitely pregnant and healthy. A took this to mean "its definitely twins!!" Nooooo way was my reaction to that thought. Turns out, the counts were so high because we were so much farther along than we thought.

I went to Catholic schools all my life. I'm happy for the education I received and the friends I made. What I clearly did not leave with though, was very much sex education. Let me tell you, in the last 8 weeks I've felt dumber than a 16 year old on MTV's 16 and Pregnant. At 30 years old, I had to laugh out loud at some of the questions we asked our doctor. (Don't worry, she laughed too...and at one point had to give a look of "man, I just feel bad for these two").  We're utterly clueless. Now there isn't any wonder as to how we got pregnant on accident.

Anyways, it looks like we sealed the deal on our bundle of joy sometime around the end of October. A true "honeymoon" baby and we couldn't be more excited. Holding A's hand watching our baby on the screen and hearing its heartbeat has been by far the most magical moment of my life.

We can't wait to meet you, Baby B!!

Love,

Worries continued...x2

No- we are not having twins...at least we don't think so! More or less my worries have now been multiplied by two. I've learned in the last week that the first trimester is the scariest, most unknown time in pregnancy. Someone close to me experienced a miscarriage last Friday at 8 weeks. I am only one week behind her right now and thats terrifying. Not to mention the countless other friends I've had go through the same thing. I can't help but think...its going to be me too. I'm a realist by nature when it comes to big things in life. I can thank my dad for that. I tend to look at the hard side before the fun side of things. A, however, is much more of an optimist when it comes to these things. He keeps reassuring me he has a "good feeling everything's going to be ok". Its one of the zillion reasons why we're perfect for each other. I think the scariest part about this time for us is that  there is no official answer that everything is ok until around 7-8 weeks and even then I'm not sure we're in the "clear". We found out we were pregs around 4 weeks. So this pessimist has now had the last 4 weeks to imagine everything possible that could or most definitely is going wrong.

I can't tell you how many times I've googled something...anything thats happening to reassure myself or worry myself even more. This weekend, I had my first bouts of light spotting. Now, everything I've read has said its normal. My nurse practitioner has been amazingly responsive since Friday.....but of course overly precautious too. I went in for a blood test yesterday to check my HCG levels (pregnancy hormone levels). Its the same thing a pregnancy test checks for but it picks up levels on a number scale. Nurse told me, "bottom line is your pregnant. We just want to ensure its now a viable pregnancy". Well, thats reassuring. Not. I'll be going in again in the next two days for another blood test. This is to check to ensure my HCG counts are increasing....which would show the pregnancy is still active.

So now, I sit on pins and needles for these blood tests to go through and finally our first ultrasound on Thursday. In symptom news, I still haven't had a lot of morning sickness (hopefully this is something I'll be thankful for eventually), but am extremely tired most days. Normal routine has become to pass out on the couch from 8--9:30 to have A wake me up so I can drag myself into bed.

My job tends to push most of my selfish worries aside making way for a whole new bout of worries. We all- teachers and students- entered school yesterday with a new sense of fear. I can't stop thinking about how sad it is...tragic, really, that a place where so much growth, learning and love happens has now become a killing zone. Where at any time, some crazed person has the opportunity to gun down multiple innocent people. We had a second deadbolt installed on the outside of my door in the morning. I'm getting curtains over break to cover our windows. Our school is actively designing an emergency plan to act in the event of a gunman setting foot on our property. What has our nation come to?

Sandy Hook has made me step back and take a hard look at my job and the position I am in every single day. I am not just a teacher. I am a nurse, a caregiver, a parent, a healer of any kind of sickness you could fathom and a peacekeeper to 41 little ones every day. And so is every other teacher out there. Now, I'm not looking for a pat on the back here.  I guess I'm just saying what I've been thinking over the last few days. On Monday, I had a student with a sore throat that magically disappeared after a hug from me. Then a student with an awful bloody nose with whom I stood over the garbage can holding her bleeding nose and continued teaching. No one ever sees inside a classroom to witness such things. No one can truly understand what goes into being a teacher every single day unless you are or have been one. I'm not surprised in the least those educators did everything they could to protect those students- including giving up their own life. Its what any teacher, including myself, would do.

If you have a chance, thank a teacher today.

Love,

Worries.

The end of this week has brought on a boatload of worries. In some ways, I know that the idea of being a parent has definitely not set in. And when it does hit me, it happens at the most random of times. Yesterday, 20 innocent children lost their lives in a senseless act. 20 children who's parents dropped them off that morning, kissed them goodbye and waved to them as they bounded into school to learn something new in the safety of their school and classrooms. 20 of those innocent, short lives ended yesterday, never to come home into their parents arms again.

My 2nd graders earned a behavior party yesterday. For them, it meant being able to watch a movie and have free choice time. For me, it was extra grading time. While taking a break from grading, I happened to scan through the news on my phone. I was beyond shocked and horrified to hear the news from CT. Stopping to look around the room, I was taken aback by the horrifying nature of the act. Here in front of me were 20 amazing, smart, beautiful children who still have a chance to live their lives. How could someone do something so awful? As I stood in shock thinking to myself, a student came up to me and gave me the biggest hug out of nowhere and handed me this:

Funny how things happen sometimes, isn't it? I like to think there was a reason she handed this to me at the exact moment she did. (Side note: students do not call me by my full name....first names are such a mystery to them that when they find them out it becomes really cool to call us by it any chance they get where they "think" they won't get in trouble for it. Sneaky little ones slide it in with a sweet book like this thinking I'll overlook such things.)

Its so sad to me that eventually, these sweet children will have to learn the harsh realities of our world. That there is so much hatred out there and so many innocent people do lose their lives on a daily basis. It was the first time I stopped and thought one day my own child will be in a classroom. And I can only hope that their teacher will do everything he/she can do to protect the my own child from the harshness of our world. Make sure you take a minute today, or everyday for that matter, to take it all in. Look around and see the good in what we have and what we have been given.


Love,

Pregnant....not hungover

This is what my entire weekend has looked like....during the day. At night, A and I have been all over town celebrating the holidays. Starting on Friday with my work holiday party and on Saturday with a Christmas Trolley. As soon as reality set in that we were pregnant, one of the first things that hit me was: how am I going to get through the holiday madness without drinking!?!

By that I don't mean "OH MY GOSH I CAN'T DRINK?!" I mean, my friends and I enjoy our share of cocktails, wine and Miller Lites...its going to be blatantly obvious if I'm just "not drinking tonight" over and over again. So began operation "Lets fool everyone into thinking Kelly's drinking". This operation revolved around drinking "vodka" mixed with soda water, ginger ale and La Croix over the last few weeks. Discreetly filling my glass with just the mixers and sometimes adding a sliced lime in the cup to keep nosy people out of my way. As one of my friends who we told early on stated, "You're going to deserve an Academy Award after these last few weeks". And I agree wholeheartedly.

I'm a-ok with the not drinking thing. It honestly sounds gross to me at this point. But what exhausting is faking it. I find that to be the most miserable experience of all. I'm so much louder and more obnoxious when I'm drinking...unfortunately now I'm totally aware of just how obnoxious I have to act just to fit in. In addition, I also happen to be the worst dancer known to man since the Elaine on Seinfeld made her debut. Normally, liquid courage allows me to flail my arms and legs to and fro with such reckless abandon I've been known to knock anyone within a 4 foot range off their feet.

This was put to the test twice this weekend in which my moves made their debut, sober style. A got a kick out of it of course and continued to snap pictures left and right to truly capture the moment. This beauty is from my work party Friday night. Pure class.

After all this "partying", I'm completely worn out. So in order to recover, I've been doing what the drinkers do....moaning and groaning all day on the couch watching trashy reality TV. Only I'm not hungover, I'm pregnant. To really take the hangover feeling up a notch, this Sunday has also been my first bout of real "morning sickness". I am so not ready for that. Although, it has really helped to justify my lazy hangover ways the last two days.

Keep calm and fake party on!

K