The first three months as a new mommy were definitely the worst for me. I didn't handle it well at all, and I'll admit, I'm not looking forward to going through it again with child number two down the road. One of the things I struggled with the most during that time was nursing. I hated being so tied down. I constantly felt as though I couldn't do anything without having her by my side and that is an awful feeling for someone who is selfish and enjoys personal space. Suddenly there is this adorable little being who needs and wants to be with you ALL. THE. TIME. No matter the hour.
There were countless times where I wanted to throw in the towel. I would often get to the point of, "I'll feed her this last time and then I'm done. Done. Done. DONE." Only, I could never bring myself to stop. I'd love to say it's because deep down I had an unrequited love for it or the connection it provided for my daughter and I was so strong I couldn't let it go. But that wouldn't be true. Not at that time.
I never quit because I was scared. Scared of change. Scared of the unknown world of formula. Scared of not being able to change my mind. Quitting nursing is a finality. There is no deciding to go back once you're done. To me, it was just too big of a leap to make during such a fragile and vulnerable time. So we plugged on. I began setting little goals to make it to. Quitting the next feeding slowly became, "when we get to 3 months, we'll stop." Then it was, "when I go back to work at 6 months, we'll stop." Then it was, "whenever I get sick of pumping at work, we'll stop." Then it became, "whenever my body stops producing enough, I'll stop."
The truth is, once I came into my own as a new mom and my daughter stopped crying for reasons I could never figure out, I began to truly enjoy nursing. It did provide a bond between Adly and I. I began to cherish those quiet moments between the two of us. Better yet, I began to look forward to them. Suddenly it became a matter of, "can we really make it to 1 year?!"
Unfortunately, life had other plans in store for us. In the end of February, I found out we needed to schedule a major knee surgery for the end of March. It was at that time that I finally felt okay with the idea of stopping nursing. Sure, we could probably have found a way around it. I could probably do a lot of things to keep it going, but my personal choice and what feels right to me has been to stop. I'm proud of myself for making it to 8 months. It is WAY longer than I ever could have imagined nursing amidst all of this parenting madness.
In the last few weeks, we've slowly dropped feeding after feeding, letting my engorged boobs go for as long as I can until they get the memo to stop producing. Stopping nursing is a process and takes time. Therefore I think it hasn't been nearly as difficult as I expected it to be. I've had the time to be able to mentally plan out which feeding to drop next. And let's be honest, we all know how I like my plans. I've also had a million other things to stress about during the last month, so I'm sure that has helped. There is also an emotional piece to quitting, I think. I'm tearing up at the drop of a hat again these days. But who really knows what's to blame for that. I mean, it's not like we haven't been moving with an infant, finishing up the end of the 3rd quarter grades, conferences AND prepping for a big surgery. Ahhhh, life.
I never quit because I was scared. Scared of change. Scared of the unknown world of formula. Scared of not being able to change my mind. Quitting nursing is a finality. There is no deciding to go back once you're done. To me, it was just too big of a leap to make during such a fragile and vulnerable time. So we plugged on. I began setting little goals to make it to. Quitting the next feeding slowly became, "when we get to 3 months, we'll stop." Then it was, "when I go back to work at 6 months, we'll stop." Then it was, "whenever I get sick of pumping at work, we'll stop." Then it became, "whenever my body stops producing enough, I'll stop."
The truth is, once I came into my own as a new mom and my daughter stopped crying for reasons I could never figure out, I began to truly enjoy nursing. It did provide a bond between Adly and I. I began to cherish those quiet moments between the two of us. Better yet, I began to look forward to them. Suddenly it became a matter of, "can we really make it to 1 year?!"
Unfortunately, life had other plans in store for us. In the end of February, I found out we needed to schedule a major knee surgery for the end of March. It was at that time that I finally felt okay with the idea of stopping nursing. Sure, we could probably have found a way around it. I could probably do a lot of things to keep it going, but my personal choice and what feels right to me has been to stop. I'm proud of myself for making it to 8 months. It is WAY longer than I ever could have imagined nursing amidst all of this parenting madness.
In the last few weeks, we've slowly dropped feeding after feeding, letting my engorged boobs go for as long as I can until they get the memo to stop producing. Stopping nursing is a process and takes time. Therefore I think it hasn't been nearly as difficult as I expected it to be. I've had the time to be able to mentally plan out which feeding to drop next. And let's be honest, we all know how I like my plans. I've also had a million other things to stress about during the last month, so I'm sure that has helped. There is also an emotional piece to quitting, I think. I'm tearing up at the drop of a hat again these days. But who really knows what's to blame for that. I mean, it's not like we haven't been moving with an infant, finishing up the end of the 3rd quarter grades, conferences AND prepping for a big surgery. Ahhhh, life.
Oh and formula? That dark, scary, unknown world? It's just fine. And the attachment to my number one lady? We're just fine. She now takes that bottle with her two teeny little independent hands, snuggles up in my arms, brings her eyes to mine, and suddenly all is right with the world again.
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