Maternity Leave.

Monday was the first day back to school for thousands of kiddos, including my new crop of sweet little ones. Only this year, I wasn't welcoming them into the classroom and experiencing the marathon that is the first day of school with them. This year, I'm lucky enough to be staying home a little longer and spending more precious time with my own little one.

However, the transition of staying home is bittersweet. This year was a change of classrooms for me. And for the students, a change of teacher twice over due to my maternity leave sub being there first. Because of the changes, which happened a mere two weeks before school started, I wanted to be there to greet the students and help to smooth the transition for them.

My lovely brother in law Mike and his girlfriend Jess graciously agreed to watch our pumpkin while I went to school for an hour. On the way there, I saw moms dropping their babies off at a bus for the first day of school. I cried. Thankfully I have 5 years to prepare for that emotional meltdown.

At school, I walked into a classroom that is "mine, but not mine right now". I saw my coworkers running around in the mad dash to finish all last second preparations. And then I headed outside and saw so many of my old students and parents as well as my new students. The amount of love those people pour out to their teachers new and old is amazing. 

I had so many hugs and well wishes from parents excited to find out how I'm doing and hugs from kiddos of the past who last saw me with a giant basketball in my belly. And then there were my first graders from this year. I got to hug each of them and say hello and then walk them into their new classroom. 

Then it was time to go. As quickly as I whisked in, I knew I needed to whisk away to give the sub the ability to establish her own classroom and rapport with them. It was hard. 

A lot of what I'm trying to overcome with this pregnancy and new mommyhood is loss of control. That's a post for another time, but through this new life adjustment, I've also had to give up the control of my classroom. My space. My students' space. My routines. My traditions. And it's hard. 

In the hour that I was there I did my best to be a help and not a hindrance by saying "what I would do" and not stepping in to do things "my way". And then I left. Closing the door to the classroom was symbolic to me as a closure to that life....for the next few months.

Now it's time for me to focus on my own baby. To watch her milestones and enjoy every last one while I can. To savor every second I get with her and to soak in the delicacies of her infancy that will disappear in the blink of an eye. And for that I am so grateful.