Eleanor Farrell

Bringing Eleanor into this world was vastly different from bringing Adly into the world. Enter lesson 1 for mama: Eleanor is not Adly.

Beginning around the start 36 weeks, I went from having regular Braxton Hicks to having some big contractions. Just a few, and not regular. It is crazy how quickly you remember "that old feeling" of a good tight squeeze from back to front. At 36 weeks, 4 days, I spent the better part of the day dealing with contractions. Of course, I was teaching so I had no time to count them. All I knew was they were consistent. By the end of the day, I called my doctor who ordered me straight to hospital. Adam and I headed in around 4:30. When I got in, I was 2cm dilated and still contracting regularly. They had us walk the halls for 2 hours to check for any changes. After two hours of walking my behind off, there were none. So we were sent home. I was grateful. Having an early baby can bring a whole host of complications and if we were able to avoid it, I was ok with it. By then I had started my weekly checkups, and when I saw doc the following Monday, there were still no changes. Nor had I experienced anymore powerful contractions, just your usual Braxton Hicks.

Counting contractions at home. 

Ready to head in. 

During the next week, I experienced my bloody show, mucus plug loss and more sporadic contractions. I didn't experience any of this with Adly so it continued the rollercoaster of "is this it?!". At my 38 week appointment I had progressed to 4cm dilated without much effort. My doctor was convinced I wouldn't make it to 39 weeks, but in the event I did, she allowed me to schedule a voluntary induction. I figured at that point, my body had been progressing through labor for a few weeks, it would be ready by 39. Contrary to everyones beliefs, little miss Ellie hung on for another week. She even gave mama one last scare of thinking my water broke. But that turned out to be just another form of liquid leaking from my body. (Pregnancy is the sexiest time in a woman's life EVER!) 

So on Tuesday, November 10 at 6am, we packed our bags and headed to the hospital one last time, ready to have our sweet little girl. 

I was happy to end up with an induction because I was induced with Adly. While it can take a while, I was so far along already, as soon as I was checked in I began hearing "oh, this will go fast" from all the nurses and doctors. I was also happy to be scheduled so I could ensure I didn't go too fast to get the necessary drugs to not feel the birth. 

I know drugs aren't for everyone, but they're for me. I don't deal well with pain, and thanks to medicine, I was able to "enjoy" my delivery of Adly (despite the exhaustion for pushing for an hour and fifteen minutes). I wanted that same (hopefully shorter) experience with Ellie. Soon after starting pitocin I was also hooked up with anesthesia and then began the waiting game. 

At noon, I was still only 4cm but my contractions were ramping up and becoming more regular. So doc broke my water. Soon after that, I began noticing I could "feel" my left side and move my left leg, while my right side was completely numb. I began asking the nurse what could be going on, she called in the anesthesiologist to check it out. She couldn't figure it out either, so she began moving the needle in my back to try to realign the insertion. They also had me turn on my left side to see if the drugs would naturally take to the left side. By now, my contractions were STRONG. So the left-sided-laying-experience involved me curled up in a ball, crying my way through each awful contraction. 

The anesthesiologist came in once more and tried to readjust the insertion point. That still did no good. By this point I was full on sobbing yelling to the nurse to get the anesthesiologist in there again and do her f*%*ing job! (I mean come on, hell hath no fury like an in-pain-Kelly). 

In that time, I suddenly felt that old feeling. "Oh my god I'm going to poop. I have to push!" I yelled. The nurse asked if I was sure and I yelled yes. She dashed to call the doctor in, and she came in no time. With Adly, we had 5-6 people delivering her. This time, it was so quick it was just Adam, the nurse and my doctor. The doctor immediately told me to get on my back because Ellie was crowning! I panicked and began crying and yelling, "I can feel everything!! I don't want to do this without druuuugs!!!" But it was too late. Doc yelled for me to push, I pushed my hardest and then she was yelling for help. I panicked and she said she couldn't get baby out. She told me to push harder than I've ever pushed before. I screamed screams I never thought possible, and pushed harder than I ever thought possible and then just like that, Eleanor Farrell was on my chest. She came so fast, the assistance the doc needed, which was because her shoulders were stuck, came in after she was already on my chest. Crazy, right? According to Adam, when the doctor came in, she had looked at him and said he was going to have a baby by 3:15. When he looked up at the clock, it was 3:10. She arrived at 3:14pm. 

I spent the next 15 minutes with Eleanor on my chest sobbing my eyes out because I was still so upset over "feeling everything". It was not the way I had wanted it, and I was still reeling from it all. Not to mention she came SO FAST I was in complete and utter shock. 

As soon as the shock wore off I realized no matter how painful it was, SHE WAS HERE! At last. I had waited 39 loooong weeks to get to meet her. And she was perfect. 

They do things differently now from the 2.5 years it's been since Adly. They allowed Ellie on my belly for what seemed like an hour. It was a good chunk of skin to skin. I'm grateful for it, but it was a long hour of Adam waiting excitedly to get his own hands on his baby girl. When they took her to weigh her, she was a very healthy 8lbs, 9oz.

I have to note, I later found out the anesthesiologist was actually doing her job. The problem was, Ellie had dropped down so fast and far down the birth canal that she was blocking any of the drugs from reaching my left side. In hindsight, that would've been a big clue she was coming, but it's ok. It's all a guessing game for the most part. Also, in hindsight, the pain wasn't that bad, it just wasn't what I had in mind. So those of you drug-free mama's I applaud you. But I also applaud all mama's for going through the act of childbirth in general. What an incredible act of strength it is, no matter which way you go about it!

We are so very thrilled to have this beautiful addition to our family. She, like her sister, has already begun writing her own story, from the very start of her sweet little life.

Welcome to our family, Eleanor! We love you to pieces.

Family photo. 

Dada getting some time with his girl. 

Big News....

Yep. It is official. I spent enough time in a few bottles of wine in Napa to decide that why yes, being pregnant and having a newborn was so fun I'm up for it all over again!! Let's do this thing!

As it so happens, Adam and I are apparently extremely fertile. He so much as looks at me and BAM! There's a baby in there. We decided to start "trying" in February because it would mean the birth of our second child would happen at the end of Adam's golf season. 

While it lands in the middle of my school year, we decided Adam being home was more important. Well, I had the main influence over that. Baby number one was extremely hard on me mentally and physically. Hard to imagine now that she's almost two and so good. SEE??!! This is why people do it again. They forget. They forget everything. Anyways, on top of that, Adam was gone 90% of every day. Throw in the fact most of our family lives far away and a dose of PPD that caused me to want no help whatsoever created a big storm of a hell I hope never happens again. I wrote about all of it when I was coming out of it and I hope one day I can find the strength to share about it all. 

But that's besides the point. Let's get to the fact that we started trying in February and by the end of February some funky spotting was going on so on a whim I took a pregnancy test. I mean, there was no way I was pregnant....right?

Sure enough, that little test showed up a nice faint positive. This was quite different from Adly's three tests in a row that turned a bright blue positive immediately. I called the doctors office to find out the chances of a false positive test. The regular nurse wasn't in, so I spent an hour on the phone with the hospital, trying to convince them I didn't need to come in and that I wasn't having a miscarriage. I mean, I spent two weeks heavily bleeding with Adly, hence why we didn't know until around 8 weeks. Plus, I was so early this time I didn't think there was major cause for concern. I went in the next week for blood tests and sure enough, I was pregnant at about 4 weeks along. 

Knowing you're pregnant so early suuuuuucks. I felt like crap for most of it and had nothing fun like a hangover to blame for it. Then there's the constant, incessant worry. I would much rather live blissfully unaware until the end of the rocky first trimester and then be all like "Oh! I'm pregnant! And I only have 28 more weeks to go! Lovely!" I started to feel amazing again around 9 weeks after feeling pretty crappy, which of course in the twisted world of pregnancy is never a good sign. At 11 weeks I was a nervous wreck as we went in for our next ultrasound. As soon as we saw inside, that little baby was a kicking and a punching, which put my mind at ease....for a week.

Then we went to Mexico and I felt soooo good, I just couldn't believe I was still pregnant. So by the time I made it to my 13 week checkup, I was convinced something had happened. I mean I didn't feel pregnant in any way. I could've easily been drinking my way though Mexico, dancing the night away (until 10pm because oh my God I cannot stay awake!!)  Sure enough, she found that little heartbeat be-bopping away immediately. It's just another reminder that this time is no different. We pregnant ladies are all CRAZY, no matter how many times you've stepped into the ring. 

Now comes the waiting game of finding out the sex. This is our last and final child and I want to know more than ever. With Adly, I had a feeling of her being a girl from the moment we found out. It was just this weird feeling. This time, I'm not having a strong feeling either way. Some days I feel it's a boy, some days I feel it's a girl. However the other day, I came home from work and Adly was feeling quite snuggly. She leaned up against my stomach, rubbing it saying "Mama got a baby in her belly. Adly be gentle." These sayings are all normal. Then she whips out "mama got a brudder in her belly."

I'm sorry, WHAT!?!?

Never before have any of us mentioned her possibly having a brother. If anything, I'd expect her to say sister since we always call her a big sister. So either my child is a creepy psychic or its just by chance. But I swear if it turns out to be a boy, I'll be watching her from now on out of one eye. Always.

Being a second time preggo mom with a toddler is very different. I can tell poor baby number two is definitely going to get the shaft in pregnancy. I'm sorry in advance child. I'm exhausted most of the time and I have a toddler who likes to "work" on my keyboard as I do, so blogging about it seems to be extra difficult. And the nursery. Or as we call it, the guest bedroom, will remain that. Baby number 2 will be getting the crib from Adly. The one with beaver chew marks all over the railing (apparently we don't feed her enough). And the same changing table and rocking chair. As far as decorating, I'm not nearly as concerned as I was with baby #1 now that I know they'll spend most of their time pooping, peeing, and spitting up all over any decorating I do get done. And the belly pictures...I keep thinking about starting them but that takes work. And I'm kind of burnt out from working my day job and then my mommy job by 7pm. Heaven forbid Adly actually help me take pictures. I mean, what gives?! Hopefully I can get on board with those sooner than later.

After getting through 3-4 weeks of feeling terrible, eating only cereal and toast, and all kinds of nighttime yucky nausea, I've been feeling amazing since 9 weeks. And THAT I can't complain about. But of course, I'm me, so I will find something. You want to know what is the most not awesome thing so far this pregnancy? My OBGYN went over my charts from Adly at my appointment on Thursday (she wasn't the one who delivered me) and as she did, she balked at the size of Adly at 8lb, 13oz, who was born one week early. Adly had been hiding in there. She hadn't measured big, so we weren't prepared for a giant baby to exit me. I specifically remember the doctor going "woah that's a big baby!" as soon as she came out. Therefore, my doctor is now concerned I may have developed late onset gestational diabetes. I don't know, it may have had something to do with the bags and bags of Sour Patch Kids and cookies and ice cream Adly made me eat, but I'm trying not to point fingers here. Anyways, this time I get to take that God awful diabetes test twice! Let the fun begin. It's ok, I'll just keep stockpiling these moments of amazing things I did for them to bring back up when my children are in high school and want to hate me. 

So there you have it. We have officially entered the rollercoaster of pregnancy and new parenthood one more time. We will be becoming a family of four sometime November 2016! 

Close Call

I read a post a while back that a busy mom of two kids had written. She spoke of watching her little one in the bathtub, distractedly checking her emails on her phone, while intermittently splashing water with her baby. Present, but not present. Within seconds her baby went underwater. Seconds. And in that time the baby managed to inhale water and choked pretty badly. I don't remember the exact details, but the baby was okay. The post was written as a reflection and a reminder that things happen in an instant with these squirmy, curious little babes.

That post was one that stuck with me. Last Thursday, just like any other night, I found myself sitting next to the tub with my own little one splashing away in her baby bathtub. She sits up now on her own in the tub and has some toys she loves to play with while she's in there.

My hands were in the tub, my body was right next to her. I wasn't on my phone or busy doing other things, because you know, I had read that post. I had learned from her mistakes. But my mind was elsewhere. Thinking about packing for the weekend, work, and anything else but my baby in the tub. And in that very moment she dove for a toy, and in she went, face first under the water.

It happened in an instant and lasted for a split second before I yanked her out. She couldn't breathe from all the water she inhaled. My mind froze and all I could think to do was to slap her on the back and mentally scream, "breathe, breathe, BREATHE!!!".

I yelled for Adam and within what was about 30 seconds she began to clear her airway on her own.

It felt like an eternity.

She was fine after coughing up some water and within minutes was back to her usual self. These things happen, and with curious babies, they happen more often than we'd like. Instead of beating myself up for not being a good parent, not paying enough attention, I've chosen to use it as a learning experience. I've since asked a lot of other moms what they would do or have done. They've all listened to the story like, "oh yeah...something like that has happened to me too" and then passed on their sage advice that will hopefully stick with me the next time something frightening happens.

Until then, I'm just relieved to know that this sweet bath time face is going to keep on smiling up at me from her little pink tub.

Visiting a New Mama

Before I get into this, I have to add a disclaimer. The idea for this post didn't come from my amazing mind spaces. I actually saw a post similar to this recently and it made me think over my own experience. Of course, everyone's experience with the people in their life is different, so I wanted to add my own two cents to the party.

I was one of the very first of many of my friends and to have a baby. Let me tell you, baby world is uncharted for not only myself, but many people in my life. After reading the aforementioned article, I have to say I think I am unbelievably blessed with amazing friends and family. I was extremely lucky when it came to visitors, what they brought, and what they did.

Here's my advice, now that I've been there, done that in entering the jungle of mommyhood. One more disclaimer, I'm a dumb-dumb when it comes to this stuff, so I'm not afraid to admit I've NOT done many of these things when visiting friends prior to having my own. My apologies in advance and thanks for still being friends with me. Don't feel as if you have to do all of these things, but you should try to do at least one as you make your way over to visit the new earthling. 

-Bring Food. Seriously. Any type of food. A snack, a homemade meal, something you just picked up. It doesn't matter. As an avid cook myself, I prepared many freezer meals in advance to feed our family after baby. Unfortunately, once baby was here, even the thought of boiling water on the stove became overwhelming. Even when a new mom says, "no, no don't bring food." You need to immediately shut them down and insist on bringing food. I'm telling you, it will save their day and in all likelihood it's the only thing they'll eat that day. I had countless visitors bring over food and I always felt awkward about it. I'm an adult, I can buy my own lunch/dinner! But as soon as they arrived, I was able to hand Adly over and actually eat a meal...usually for the first time that day. I think, above all other things you can do, this packs the biggest punch. 

-Cut the Chat, Help them Out. I was terrible about this--and this was all my fault. Whenever friends came over, I was dying to catch up with them and hear about anything that was going on outside of babyland. So most often, I would sit my friends down and accost them for information about their lives. This is fine and dandy. But what I didn't realize until weeks down the road was I had chatted away precious time I could've used to throw Adly in their arms and shower, clean, do laundry, grocery shop, brush my teeth, pee...you name it. Now when I visit a new mommy, I'll insist they at least get up and brush their teeth while I get to gobble baby up all by myself. I'm pretty sure most people would jump at the chance to be able to hog baby all to themselves without the new mom hovering over them like a hawk. (Noooo, I never did that!!)

-Offer to Watch Baby. Again, we scored big time in the friend/family department. I can't even count how many people have willingly offered to watch Adly over the last few months--and meant it. At first I thought it was just people being nice. I'm not one to ask for help for anything, so I kind of just brushed it off. But then friends kept offering and after a while, I slowly started accepting. Eventually I even started asking for help here and there. Of course, I don't ask all the time or on a regular basis so as not to (I hope) make anyone feel overused. When I say, "offer to watch baby", I mean offer to watch them so that mom can run to the grocery store, go get a mani/pedi, a massage, take a walk for 20 minutes. Anything to get mom out of the house. She may not think so at the time, but she needs it. And you can bet that most new moms would never ask for such help, so as not to be a burden. So offer away--if you feel comfortable doing so.

-Clean...if You Can. This one's tricky. I say that because I don't know that I, myself could bust into someone's home and say, "where's the vacuum. I'm cleaning up this dump!" But if you ever find yourself in a position where you are in their house alone for a bit...CLEAN. Oh my word. I had a few friends who found themselves at our house while I was out. And when I came home and found a clean house, I could've cried. In fact, I'm sure I did. While I never thought I needed that kind of help, once it happened I realized just how messy the house had gotten. You have no idea how hard it is to wipe up the kitchen, clean the bathroom, vacuum, etc. when you have a newborn crying their head off for most of the day. 

-Schedule Your Visit. Don't just "drop by". In my normal life, I'm all for drop-in visitors. In post-baby life, you wouldn't believe how much it can screw up your day. People don't do this intentionally, in fact I think most people don't even realize they're doing it. But the weeks/months following birth are a blurry mush of madness. So many people want to make their way over to see baby as soon as possible. This is great and all, but the new mommy, daddy and baby need to have time to themselves too. Scheduling your visit allows the family to have people over when they're most comfortable with it. Additionally, if a mom is breastfeeding, your scheduled visit will allow her to attempt to make sure thats done and over with before you come over. Another little piece of advice is go back again. Seems simple enough, right? But the reality is everyone comes over in a huge wave at the very beginning and then as life normalizes, the phone calls stop coming. Check back in on the new mommy. Meals a month or two afterwards never hurt either...because, as I can attest, life takes a long time to become any kind of new normal.

-Gifts. Again, we had numerous visitors who came over bearing gifts. I cannot say enough how loved Adly really is. And the truth is, people just love giving babies gifts! If you'd prefer to bring a gift when you visit your new mommy friend and baby, then my suggestion would be clothes. Anything in older sizes. I guarantee that baby's nursery is chock full of newborn and 0-3 month outfits. And as you pick out the cutest little 6 month outfit, make sure that it is weather friendly for when the baby will be wearing it. For example, don't buy a winter coat for a baby that will fit into it in the middle of summer. No matter how cute it is. If you're stuck on what to buy, you can never, ever go wrong with onesies. Another idea is to think about the mommy! I once said on here (before giving birth) that I myself would want bottles and bottles of wine. I still stick to that...wine doesn't go bad (believe it or not, it took me a while to jump back on that wagon). I had one friend bring a whole case of wine over! She knows me too well. I also had a few people bring over a whole bunch of nursing supplies. They knew I was breastfeeding and I have to say, I used and am still using everything they brought over. See what I mean? We have the most thoughtful people all around us.

The bottom line is that new mommy's just love visitors. So get over there! It's amazing as a new mom to see how excited your friends and family are over your new bundle of joy. And it makes the new mommy feel loved too. Even if you don't do any of the above, I guarantee that any new mom will be glad to have you even just visit for a while...that is, unless you show up unannounced at 4pm while she's breastfeeding in the pajamas she's been wearing for four days without a shower. Trust me...it happens. 

Adly's Birth Part 2

Sorry to leave you hanging. My boobies were needed.

Once I sat up for an hour to let gravity do it's thing, the doctor and the army of nurses propped me back to a laying down position. Before I knew it, my legs were being held in the air, spread eagle and I was being told my job was to hold my thighs. Adam was placed on my right hand side to hold my right thigh with me and hold my neck up.

My doctor took position at the end of the bed and the other nurses grabbed various leg areas to help hold me up. I have to note here that one thing that I look back on now and kind of laugh at is the fact that throughout the time I was pushing, there were numerous doctors, nurses, and who else knows walking in and out of the room. They were all there to play their part in the delivery, but it's pretty funny to think back now about how anyone and everyone walked in and saw my lady parts in all their glory.

Anyways, when it came to the labor part I guess I had just assumed that you got to 10 cm and then the baby came out. I had NO idea about pushing and what it was all about. So naive. The nurses and doctor got right to work once my legs were up. During pushing, they watch for contractions on a monitor that is strapped to your belly to show the contractions on a richter-like scale printout. I could also feel the pressure of the contractions coming and going. At this point, my contractions were about every 2 minutes.

So here is how the pushing part goes:

-I feel a contraction coming and/or the nurses saw one on the monitor. Whoever noticed it first would say it was time to go again.
-I curl forward and take a deep breath and hold.
-I push as hard as you could ever imagine for 10 seconds as everyone counts down and cheers me on. I remember things like, "push, push, push, push!!" "just like that, keep going!!" "push toward my finger!! right there, right there!" "you got it, you're SO close! keep going, keep going!!!"
-My personal favorite was, "push like you're taking the biggest poop you've ever taken. go, go, go!!"
-I would push with all my might for 10 seconds, then take another deep breath and immediately do it all over again, four times in a row.
-Then it was break time. This was almost amusing to me. You went from pushing like hell and everyone yelling to cheer you on, to relaxing and taking deep breaths while having random conversations for the time between contractions.
-Two minutes later, it was time to do it all over again.
**We had a labor playlist. I highly recommend this for anyone in labor. It helped to distract us all during the downtime and it also helped during the madness of pushing.**

I can't even begin to explain how difficult the pushing time was. I don't think anyone will ever understand until they've done it. I was beyond exhausted. Sweat was pouring down my face, I had a cold compress on my forehead, I could hardly catch my breath. Yet, the fact that I knew my daughter was thisclose to finally coming out, forced me to dig deeper than I ever have before and find the strength to continue pushing.

Adly kept getting stuck at my pelvic bone during the pushing. Apparently it's usually the hardest part and takes a lot of effort to get the head past it. It was here that I began to get nervous she just wasn't going to make it out that way. So I stopped and leveled with my doctor. My worst fear was that I would've gone through vaginal labor, only to end up in c-section and have to recover from both. She responded with a lot of enthusiasm that we would be able to get her out....we just needed to keep on pushing.

After pushing for a little over an hour, I felt some intense pressure and then, there she was on my belly. There was no pain, it happened so quickly. Adam cut the cord and then they took her away to clean her up and run some tests on her. He followed Adly, while the doctor worked on me. I tore, so there was some stitching up to be done. According to Adam, there was also an explosive mess of blood, poo and bodily fluids that came shooting out just before Adly that needed to be cleaned up. Fun times, right!? I don't remember much of this time, I was just so exhausted.

Once Adly was good to go, they brought her over to me and laid her down on my chest. This is where I lost it. On my chest, I started talking to her. She immediately opened her eyes and started looking at me, moving her body upwards and her head to me. She recognized my voice right away. Then Adam walked over and began talking to her. She turned her head to him and started cooing and moving towards him. She also knew his voice right away. We spent the next few minutes, both sobbing,  bonding with our daughter. It was an unbelievably special moment and brings me to tears every time I think or talk about it.

We got to spend about an hour alone with her before family started streaming in, two by two to meet their precious grandchild and niece. It was so special to have all of our family there to meet her right away. Once their quick visits were done, we were whisked away to the mom and baby unit where we stayed for the next two nights.

I would not change a thing when it comes to the delivery. In all, I pushed for only a little over an hour. It felt like much longer, so I feel terribly for the women who push for hours. It is exhausting work bringing a child into this world!

So that's it. One of the most amazing days of my life to date. We are beyond thrilled that she is finally here and out of my belly to join our little family.

Party of three. 

Adly's Birth Part 1

As you know, Monday we had a "false alarm" when it came to Adly's pending arrival. I was really bummed out after that happened and struggled with dealing with the emotions of when she'd actually come. I wanted her here so badly. How I dealt with that was to convince myself in my head that she was not coming for at least another week. I mean, she wasn't even due until the 15th.

By Tuesday evening, I had convinced my family to drive back to Michigan and wait it out. They were set to leave Wednesday morning.

I'm including this part because I really think it might've actually had something to do with jumpstarting labor. Late Tuesday night, I was sitting on the couch after everyone left and Adam went to bed. I was continuing to have contractions and was just generally frustrated. So I started looking online at natural ways to induce labor. I'd been having contractions for 3 days and was dilated to 3-4cms. I had to be on the verge of it. We had tried all the other ways of naturally inducing with no results. What else was there to try!?! Well, I found this blog post about nipple stimulation jump starting labor. This woman swore by the process working and even had a whole routine written out to follow. At the end of the post were countless comments by people it had also worked for. So, I decided to try it. Yep. At 11pm at night, by myself, big as a whale, massaging my nips. Sexy.

After about 30 minutes, I decided to give up. First of all, it just felt odd. Secondly, I have a husband who can do such things, so I decided to wait until the next day and let him try it. Off to bed I went.

Well, around 3am, I was awakened by a feeling of peeing my pants. Yep, the classic water break. I felt my shorts and they were all wet. I still wasn't convinced, thinking maybe I just pissed myself. Hey, it happens. So I got up and checked it out. It was clear with no smell. Yes. I smelled my panties. The things you have to do while pregnant! Hmm...ok. Maybe it was my water. I woke Adam up and told him, "I may have broken my water. But I want to go back to sleep. So wake me up at 5:15 when you get up and I'll call the doc."His response was, "How am I supposed to sleep now!?!" Ten minutes later he was snoring away. Hmph.

Of course, I couldn't sleep. So I spent the next 2 hours researching and trying ways to determine if it actually was my water. When Adam got up for work, I called my doctor with what had been happening and she said to come in ASAP. Now, let me tell you, the only "gush" I ever felt was the initial one. After that, it was a slight continuous almost drip- kind of just like normal discharge. Additionally, there was some blood in it. Turns out, that is from your cervix and really common.

Still convinced I was only going to be turned away again once I got to the ER, I didn't eat any breakfast. We grabbed a few things and we left. We arrived to OB Triage around 6:30am. They did all the normal things, except this time when I explained what had happened, we started to be told we wouldn't be going anywhere. Then I panicked. "OMG I didn't eat breakfast!!" (This girl can NOT live without food). Once you're admitted, they don't let you eat anything besides ice chips. Luckily, one of the nurses let Adam sneak me a scone so I was able to get something in my belly. Ladies, even if you think you might be turned away, EAT before you go to the hospital.

Around 8:30, three doctors came in and did a few tests to see if it was in fact my water that broke, and it was. At that time I was around 4cm dilated still. At 9:30am I was officially admitted to the hospital for delivery. Our nurses were FANTASTIC. The one I had all day was so nice. I think the most disappointing thing about delivery is it takes so long in most cases, you see a shift change. I totally became attached to our nurse, Agnes, and was so sad when her shift was over that evening. When I arrived, Agnes suggested I wait out the epidural as long as I could. They started me on pitocin, and the contractions started revving up. For around the next 3 hours, I handled the pain of the contractions. I'm not going to lie...they hurt. But, I'd been feeling them for four days at that point, so I was somewhat used to the actual pain. I also began to notice when they were coming on and deal with it then.

Agnes also made sure to keep me informed whenever the anesthesiologist was available. I've heard stories of girls waiting and when they were ready, the anesthesiologist was busy in surgery or with other patients, leaving them hanging for up to an hour. Ouch!! Around noon, I was more than ready and the doc was available so we went for it. They made Adam leave due to the fact that a lot of husbands pass out at the sight of the big needle. I'm not going to lie, I probably would have too. Luckily, I couldn't see anything. Agnes was amazing and held on to my shoulders the whole time...and talked to me about anything random I thought of to distract me.

Getting the epidural does not hurt. They gave a local anesthesia to cover the pain of the big needle and that wasn't bad at all. I think more of the "pain" comes from thinking about how big the actual needle is from visions you've seen on TV or from random sources. Additionally, you have to remain curled up in a ball, and with contractions, that hurts enough in itself to take your mind off the pain in your back area. As soon as the doctor was done, I was in heaven.

At that point, we shut off the lights closed the curtains and I napped. Having been up since 3am, I was exhausted. The beauty of an epidural is that you can't feel A THING when it comes to contractions. I could feel pressure, but at that point, that was nothing. You are numb from the waist down, and life can continue as normal. To me, this was heaven and SO worth it. All day I sat in amazement that some women do not get the epi. For me, it helped to make my birth experience so amazing and truly something I'll remember for the rest of my life, because I was able to enjoy it. I am not against natural in any way- in fact I highly commend the women who can do it. I just don't have the pain tolerance.

Agnes continued amping up the pitocin throughout the afternoon. Around 3, I had a cervical check by my doctor. I had dilated to 6-7cm. She also discovered my water bag was still full. She grabbed a hook and actually broke my water. What I had "broke" at home was nothing. THIS was the gush you hear about. More like flood. Adam got to witness that event firsthand and apparently it is not pretty.

By 9pm, I was dilated to 10cm- the ending point in dilation. At that point, the doctor propped me up basically to standing position (but sitting due to my legs being completely numb). This was to let nature do it's work along with gravity, hoping to make the baby drop as far down as possible on her own using just contractions for an hour.

That hour was intense for many reasons. After all the waiting, we now knew she was going to be here in a very short matter of time. That is an unbelievably surreal feeling. Adam started to stress out and looked like he was going to pass out. This inwardly made me start to panic. I tried my best to calm him down, and suggested getting my sister to come in, in case he couldn't do it. He insisted he was fine. And before we knew it, the doctor and three other nurses had arrived and were laying me back. It was GO TIME.

Adam had gathered himself by then and jumped right into action like the amazing man I know he is. They positioned him on my right, to hold up my neck and right thigh. They asked me how I count down for things, what works for me. I asked that everyone count down from ten each time I pushed. I had NO idea what I was in for....

Ready, set, GO!!

Saying Goodbye

Throughout my pregnancy, I globbed on to a few different iPhone apps to help me track the days and to give me a little tidbit of what I should expect to see happening at any given time. They were quite helpful as I navigated my way through the unknown world of pregnancy.

The two main apps I used were: What to Expect and BabyCenter.

Both of these apps give a weekly update that details the growth baby is making and the changes mommy is experiencing. I've found them both to be helpful- hand in hand. One thing I've enjoyed in the What to Expect app is the forum section where you can find a number of different boards. The main one I've been checking in on is the July 2013 board. This is where all the other ladies on the app who are due this month can post. I'll admit, for the first 8 months, I used it just to be amused. There's a lot of young girls on there with what I would consider menial problems, some venting about relationships, annoying moms, bad boyfriends who cheat on them, etc.

But in the last month, it's gotten really exciting to read. This is because one by one, people in my due date month have been jumping ship and announcing their pregnancies. I couldn't believe how many women ended up having their babies in June. It's also been helpful to help me navigate the weird aches and pains that keep happening lately--since every other girl in my shoes is going through the same thing and wondering "is this it!?!?!".

One thing that has struck me as very interesting though, is the number of posts I've seen from women who gave birth early and unexpectedly....and didn't have a chance to mentally part with their pregnant bodies. A handful of them are having difficulty dealing with it. This was something I hadn't thought of, but when I do, it really is a big change. I mean, we spend 10 months cultivating a human being inside of our bodies. That human being causes countless numbers of changes to our bodies, creates a kind of love one could never know without even meeting something, and forges a bond that is indescribable just by the feeling of movement and outward growth. And then within a matter of hours, it's gone.

Yes, you get the reward of having your precious little one join you live and in person and that in itself is life's greatest gift. But there has to be something that is said for the mourning of the change your body goes through. I found myself thinking about this as I woke up this morning. Adly was gleefully kicking around in my stomach when it hit me that I won't be feeling that much longer. No more imagining her dancing moves, laughing when she kicks back at our touch, no more feeling her with me all the time.

Of course there's the benefit of change too. I think the women who go full term and beyond definitely have an easier time parting with their pregnant experience. You're large and in charge, uncomfortable all the time, nothing fits anymore and you're just plain ready to move on. That is where I am most definitely at right now. But at the same time, I can't help but think and wonder if I'll miss the days of watching her little foot kick out the left side of my belly....

Nah. No more belly? No more waddling? A soft, snuggly, cutie patootie in my arms at all times gurgling back at me? Yes please!!

Quite the Contraption

I tell you what has scared me the last few months: putting in the car seat. Of all things, why this? Well, there's a lot riding on it...no pun intended. Not to mention, you have to read your car manual, and the car seat manual, both of which have a lot of pictures and instructions that are overwhelming. Therefore, this has been something I've been putting off for weeks.

When my dad and Anita came into town last weekend, I took that as the perfect opportunity to get some help putting in the carseat. You see, I knew putting in the car seat was probably an activity that wouldn't be great for Adam and I. Better to avoid the arguments over who is right at this point in the game. So with both manuals out, my dad and I set about trying to tackle the car seat. After reading, re-reading, trying some pretty interesting set ups, and being very confused, we finally secured the car seat in the center position in the backseat. Or so we thought.

Once you get your car seat in, it is highly recommended you get the car seat inspected. This is due to the fact that 80% of people put the seats in incorrectly. Pretty scary statistic isn't it? So I then set about trying to secure an appointment with one of the local police stations who have trained officers. I have to say, I'm disappointed in the CPD. I called three stations near our house three times and still have yet to receive a response. Thankfully, a coworker of mine had recommended I go to a suburban police department where she had hers done. So I called there and received a response within a day from a woman named Judy, a hilarious, no-nonsense veteran cop who really knows her stuff when it comes to car seats. Judy informed me they only do village residents for safety checks, but then gruffly asked if I could make it the next day at 8:30am. "Yes ma'am" was my response.

I pulled into the station and Judy opened the door, letting out a long whistle. "Yep. I've seen some real contraptions in my day....but this setup. This definitely takes the cake."

Uhhh.....turns out dad and I had it ALL wrong. In every way possible. I am so thankful we got it checked out. I learned from Judy that certain members at specific stations are required to go to "school" once a week every year for education on car seat safety. That is how they are qualified to know the seat is secured and safe in every way. It is such a reassuring feeling knowing that our daughter will be safe and sound now in the car.

Here are the important things I learned from Judy about car seat installation and safety:

-The car seat is best place behind the passenger seat. The back of the passenger seat can NOT touch the car seat. If it is touching in the crash, it will stabilize the car seat and the child will take on the brunt of the impact. (We had it in the center seat. I will say this was the recommendation of the car seat manual. Judy said to only follow your car's manual for placement).

- The LATCH safety straps can only be extended less than 11" on each side. (My dad and I had them set up across each side seat...over 14". Oops.)

-The LATCH straps are all that are needed to hold in the seat until the child is 40lbs. (We also had the seat belt over the car seat).

-The base of the car seat should NOT move side to side. "It should be one with the car"-Judy. However, it should be able to rock front to back. This is so that in the event of a car crash, the car seat will absorb the impact and the baby will not.

-Once baby is in the car seat, there should only be a fingers' space between the baby and the seat straps. In the winter, the straps need to be as close to baby as possible. Blankets over top are ok, but not underneath the straps.

Hopefully this will help any of you installing car seats in the near future to not look like such an idiot when you arrive at the safety check. I had no clue about any of these checklist items and it's terrifying to know that she could've come and we clearly weren't prepared to get her home safely. Now we are! Just another tick off the checklist....

Impatience.

I am not a patient person. I don't think many people are these days, based on the instant gratification world we live in.

I like to get and make things happen quickly and when they don't go quickly it is torture to me. I have to say, this part of pregnancy has not been fun for me. It seems like ages ago that it was November and I was in the bathroom screaming swear words because OMG we were pregnant. 

No, we weren't expecting it. Looking back now, I can't imagine how it could have happened any other way. We were more than ready, although we clearly didn't know it at the time. Day by day, we get closer and closer to meeting our baby girl and her arrival cannot get here fast enough.

Now that she's big enough to move around and see her from the outside, I feel like we're already getting to know her. Sometimes I feel her snuggling up to me in a ball and I want nothing more than for her to be in my arms, all curled up. Sometimes she kicks wildly and it makes me laugh, as I picture her to be older and giggling away, kicking as she lays on her back looking up at me. Then other times she delivers a swift blow to my ribs and I want nothing more to have her out and my body back to myself. And then her little head or foot will pop out, almost as if to say, "Heeellloooooo mom! I'm still here! Look at me!!"

We talk to her all the time. It's bizarre, feeling like she's here with us as we lay on the couch at night. I know she can hear us, but she can't see us and we can't see her. I can't wait to meet her in person and get to know what she's really like. To smell her sweet baby smells and feel her soft baby skin.

All of these thoughts almost, almost make my fears of labor disappear. Maybe that's why so many mom's repeat this process over and over again. The reward at the end of the road is far greater than any of the inconveniences, pain, months of waiting, and sometimes suffering we go through to get the little ones here.

Either way, the final countdown has begun.

LESS THAN 4 WEEKS TO DUE DATE.

And this will test my patience far more than the other 9 months have, as I have no way of knowing exactly when and how she'll be here. So until then, I'll keep daydreaming of what she'll be like, in my arms, trying to wash all of life's stresses away with thoughts of my little girl.

Breast is Best!

We recently had our second prenatal education class, called Breastfeeding 101. I wanted to take the class because I have no prior experience in acting as a human cow and not a clue what I need to do in order to make that happen.

The class was truly very interesting. We watched a video of this baby who was brand new. The doctors put her on her mom's belly and she crawled her up to the boob and started sucking- all on her own. It was incredible to see. I took a lot of notes because as always my dear husband remembered 95% more than I did after taking the class. We also got to hold a newborn doll and slap it up against my boobs to "feel" how to hold the baby when feeding. I know they try to make it as real as possible, but these dolls just don't do it for me. All in all, we did learn some great things, but something tells me that will all go out the window once she's here. At least I'll have notes to refer to when I'm in a panic at home, no one is around and I've got a screaming newborn and milk squirting out of my nips. Good visual, eh? 

Even though my attention span got the best of me, I walked away with one great piece of learning. It was a quote from the lactation consultant teacher, who is going to retire any day now and was hilarious. 

"One of the best benefits of breast milk is that it comes in the hottest designer bottles you can find out there."

Got milk?

Happy Mother's Day!

The day has come. I've waited 30 long years to be able to bask in the glory of recognition for all of my hard work on this one Hallmark holiday of the year. The holy grail: Mothers Day. Technically I don't feel as though I'm "totally" a mother yet...I mean I haven't actually pushed a (hopefully no larger than) 8 pound bowling ball through my legs yet and to me, that in itself is deserving of a holiday.

But since I've been receiving loving Happy Mother's Day messages all day, I'll take it. My first mother's day was quite uneventful. Sure I slept in until 7am, a real treat. But there was no breakfast in bed, no child slave cleaning my house for me, no laundry done, and worst of all, no cheesy awful gift made with scraps of material from school. What the hell?

Oh yeah....thats right. My little lovely isn't here yet. Instead, she's happily kicking away and moving about in her watery world blissfully unaware of what today is. What a life.

So instead, I spent my Mother's Day plotting for the next 18+ years of celebrating. Every year, I will ensure she remembers what I went through to get her beautiful face here and how I am owed at the very least one day to bask in my own glory, pampered from head to toe. As my friend Abby put it, my mom time really begins now. After all, I am moving all my organs and shit around for her to be comfortable. I have packed on 25+ extra pounds (so far) for her. And I have sacrificed my nightly self-medicating glass of wine for the last 30 weeks. Oh wait...I mean 22 weeks. But still.

In all seriousness, Mother's Day has taken on a whole new meaning to me since working my way into the hall of fame known as motherhood. These women sacrifice a lot and spend the rest of their lives focusing a majority of what they do everyday on others.

Therefore, they deserve at least a thank you. Maybe a glass of wine too.

Happy Mother's Day to all you mommies out there....soon to be, new, and veteran.

Babies 101

This week, Adam and I took our first newborn class at the hospital where we are going to deliver. While I grew up babysitting and taking care of my little brother and sister, I'm definitely a novice when it comes to newborns. This would most likely be because nobody in their right mind wants to leave the sight of their precious new bundle of joy. Therefore, we figured both of us could use some brushing up on all things baby/newborn so we signed up for this class.

Here are some things we learned. I will say I walked away with my head about to explode over the information. There is so much to know.

1.) There is a man named Dr. Harvey Karp who's practices the hospital endorses. I swear he is the freaking baby whisperer. He is the creator of the 5 S's when it comes to calming babies who cry non-stop. The man would pick up a shrieking newborn with frazzled parents looking on, only to calm the baby immediately using one or a combo of his 5 methods. Our jaws were on the floor. I've got his DVD locked and loaded in the online shopping cart, ready to order on a whims' notice if needed.

2.) We now know how to properly swaddle. From what I hear, babies are not typically fans of swaddling. Either way, guess which one of us was a rockstar at swaddling? You guessed it: Adam. I don't have patience for step-by-step processes. I'm more of a "just wrap it up like so and tuck it in and it'll work somehow" person. Adam, however, has every step down to a science, so he will be known as the Swaddling Savior, I've decided.

3.) I'm terrified of overheating my baby in her sleep. It stresses me out that there's no real way to know if they're too hot because they don't sweat as newborns. It didn't dawn on me until this class that my child is being brought into this world in the middle of our hottest time. My husband sweats "like a rat in a wool sock" (his words) so our AC is always blasting in the summer. Gah. Will she be too hot? Will she be too cold? What about me and my wants/needs!?! And the bumbling through parenthood begins.

4.) Adam also rocked at holding the baby. He has the football hold and the one-armed hold down flat. I on the other hand felt awkward in every position. This was the first time I experienced the pang of "what if I'm just not a good mom?" Of course, I know I will be a rockstar. I've held plenty of babies and none of them were rubbery, unbendable shapes. It's just a weird moment when you're holding this doll that you realize that in a short matter of time, the one in your arms will be all your responsibility.

5.) We learned allllll about what baby poops should look like in the first weeks. There's a whole rainbow of colors you should expect to see. Something tells me our child is going to have some real beauties in that department. No worries. I'm already planning to be "napping" during any explosive, up the back episodes.

6.) Adly was kicking and moving about like crazy anytime the babies on the video were screeching and crying. This leads me to deduce two things. One, she was pissed off, trying to get them to cut the racket out as she would never, ever do such a thing. Or two, she was gleefully kicking away in anticipation of joining the ranks of newborns who cry non-stop. I'm going to go with number one for my own sanity.

What I mainly walked away with:

Having a newborn is a whole lot of looking at each other and going "What the hell does this mean?" or "What the shit do we no now?" or "Is this right!?" or "Pleeeeease stop crying and go the F**K to sleep!"

Next up, Breastfeeding 101.

Sweet Dreams

I'm thoroughly enjoying the pregnancy dreams I've been having. Through each of them, I get a quick glimpse into who my mind seems to think our little precious will be one day.

Adam and I were very different newborns, looks wise. I was delightfully bald until I was almost two. And when my hair did come in, I was a toe-headed blonde. Unfortunately, my blonde genes didn't want to stick around too long and they disappeared by the time I was 6. (Although, thanks to my sister-in-law hair stylist, I still enjoy life as a blonde). Adam was born with a thick tuft of dark brown hair. Enough hair that he could've had a haircut right from birth.

Because of the differences, we've spent quite some time imagining what little Adly will come out looking like. I can't tell you how difficult pregnancy is for impatient people. So many nights we both sit here just wishing she'd be here already. Since she can't be, you spend all this time imagining what your little offspring is going to look like, be like, act like, etc. In some ways, pregnancy flies by. In other ways, it draaaaags on.

In my latest dream, she was around 9 months old...although she was able to have a conversation with me. She's totally going to be a baby genius. She had light brown hair with little curl-like flips and the cutest little pink hair pretty in her hair with big brown eyes. She was wearing a cute little dress and we were somewhere with stairs. I was carrying her to wherever we were headed on my hip and we were walking down stairs.

Those of you who know me, know my fatal flaw of terrible knees. My beloved knee brace has become my best friend throughout this pregnancy. I also walk down stairs like I am a crippled 88 year old.

As I carried Adly, we were talking about something I can't remember. I just kept looking at her. She was so sweet and innocent looking. Here's what I do remember of the conversation. She asked me, "Mama, why do you walk down the stairs so funny? Is it because of your knees? They hurt you, don't they?" I replied to her, "Yes, they do. But not enough to not carry you."

There was a lot of white light around us, sort of like we were in a dream you have of people who are no longer here. Usually I forget my dreams before I wake up, but this one I just can't stop thinking about. I can't get that picture of her out of my mind, nor the sound of her voice.

I can't wait until the moment she's old enough to have a conversation with me. And better yet, until she's old enough to call me "mama".

Beached Whale?

The other day, my husband made a big mistake.

He told me, jokingly, that I had a badonkadonk for a bootie. I'm not even sure how to spell such a word. And since spell check doesn't recognize it, I wonder if it should just be banished all together? Prior to pregnancy, I guess I had kind of had a booty. I'm no Kim Kardashian thankfully, but it wasn't like I had nothing there at all. Thanks to my darling little girl, lets just say most of my "growth" has been in the hip and Kim K area. 

In two weeks, Adam and I are heading out to Phoenix, AZ to have some fun with our BFF's KK and Marcus. During that time, I plan to spend some quality time laying out by the pool, hanging out in all my glory like the hot mama I am in my head. The other day, as Adam was looking online for a new swimsuit (since he hasn't bought one since 1995), he casually mentioned maybe I should look for a maternity bathing suit too. 

Say what!? I might need a new swimsuit?! No sir. He then went on to add that "You have gotten more of a, you know, badonkadonk since you've been pregnant." Oh hell no. Badonkadonk!?! Are you kidding me?!

So what did I do? The calm, rational being that I am? I went all pregnant lady crazy and tore apart the spare bedroom, psychotically looking for my damn swimsuits. I need a new swimsuit!?! PSSHH. I'll show him!! After tearing open two summer tupperware bins I found one in the rear corner under the bed that I knew was holding the proof that I have NOT gotten too big for my swimsuits. The thing would not budge. Now I was a fat pregnant lady on my stomach side, half way under the bed, maneuvering the tupperware from under the bed with a hammer (arm extension). I'm sure it was quite the sight. 

I finally managed to get the box out, found my suits, and immediately began trying them all on. I was bound and determined to prove that I can still wear my suits. And wear them I can! Granted, it took a little mixing and matching of tops and bottoms, but I'll be damned, the suits still fit. 

In the end, all that really matters is that I was right. What doesn't matter is how much of my ass crack is hanging out or how much side boob I have to show in order to wear the suits. 

Look out, Phoenix. An extraordinary sight is about to hit your local poolsides in T-minus 9 days. 

reminiscing...

Husband's out of town for next 3 days. So, what do I do? I craft, I bake, I clean. I'm so domesticated these days. What the hell happened to Kager who used to take this opportunity to cram in some major wine sessions with my favorite wine-o's!?! I've changed.

Once baby girl makes her way into this world safely, I definitely look forward to being able to have a night here and there with my best lady friends and "pump and dump" due to the intake of Cabernet Sauvignon as we solve all the worlds problems together in an apartment in Chicago. Doing such a small thing has been one of my favorite memories of my time in in this city. I've been quite reminiscent the last few days, remembering the times I had in my 20's.

Moving to Chicago at age 22 was a leap of faith...or, rather, a leap of "I just graduated and I have nothing else to do at the moment so what the hell, why not!?" I look back at my 22 year old self and admire me back then. I had so much gumption, little fear, and an overall feeling of "it'll just work out". Nowadays of course so much has changed. The thought of even making the move out to the suburbs into no-mans land far, far away from the city is terrifying.

Adam and I have spent a lot of time recently talking about our 20's and the adventures we went on before we met a few years ago. It's funny to me that those years all seem so far away now. I'm so grateful for the time I experienced after college, discovering exactly who I am. Of course, that's a never ending journey, as I've changed so much even since we've met.

In my 20's I traveled a lot in and out of the country, took random road trips just for the hell of it, and had a fantastically awesome career in advertising where I continued my college years with some amazing people. Then when life threw me a curveball, I took another leap and left one career to start another. To think of doing that now is scary, but at the time I again seemed to look at it as, it'll just work out.

I'm happy that I can now look back on my twenty-something years as amazing memories. As we drove down Lake Shore Drive yesterday, I laughed and thought about the summers when, without a thought, a whole group of us would pack up bookbags and coolers with beverages, hop on bikes, bus or even walk down to North Avenue beach. We'd spend the whole day out there laying out, playing volleyball, and drinking until the sun went down. Now you couldn't drag me down to that beach. It's way too far, too sandy, and dirty. And, things like this can happen there once the sun sets:

No clue who he is...just hairy. Really hairy. 

I laugh to think about some of the times, shake my head at my stupidity of some times, and wonder how it is I'm still alive at other times, but all of those events helped to shape my life as it is today.

It's scary to think of already, but one day my own little girl will be thrust out into the world to explore on her own. And when she gets there, I hope she gets to live as much as I lived in her twenties.  I only hope she can walk into her thirties a much wiser, brighter, and stronger woman because of all of the adventures she's experienced.

Here are a few random snippets of my twenties in Chicago. Man, facebook sure does go back a loooong
time.

Slept under my desk at work. This was back when being out til 2am didn't seem to matter when you had work the next day. 

Won a trip to Scotland in 2007 with these crazy cats. It was a trip of a lifetime. 

One time we went to a street festival for "just one drink". The night ended at a German bar drinking out of boots and dancing on tables. One of the best nights ever. 

I went on lots of road trips to Ohio with advertising friends.

Had many trips to visit with these two west coast crazies.

Was in a fantasy football league with awesome ladies purely for the inappropriate team names and booze.

Went to Lollapalooza more than once and hated it every time.

Went to grad school. Used graduation as an excuse to party with my bests.

Went on every type of trolley you could fathom. 90's, 80's, country, St. Patricks Day....

I went on a road trip through 9 states with these awesome ladies. 

Licked a mustache. Oh, then I married this guy 2 years later.

It's a......

Yesterday was a big day. Not only was it a big day, it was a sweet and memorable day for Adam and I. I took the day off and we started our day by heading to the doctors office to peek inside my belly one last time and find out who Baby B really is. Boy, was it ever a glimpse of our child.

The ultrasound lasts about 30 minutes. They check every body part and measure it as they go. In the waiting room, Baby B was doing karate in my belly making itself known to anyone within 4 feet. Maybe it has dance skills like its mother? One can only hope.

Of course, once we got settled in for our ultrasound, jelly on my belly and baby on the screen, Baby b decided it was nap time. And it was NOT going to budge. The poor technician tried poking, moving it from the outside, and turning me on my side. Nada. Oh, how I so adore our stubborn child. And wouldn't you know, while checking for its gender, it also decided to cross its legs. After much poking, prodding, and turning, they were finally able to get Baby B to move enough to get a snapshot of its goodies. The doctor tried like hell to also get a cute profile picture for us. While Baby B did make some adorable movements of the hand to its eyes and nose, this was the best facial profile picture we got. It is just the face. I feel that's important to reiterate since, after I texted it to my dad he reported back he was "trying to identify all the body parts". This was after I told him it was just the face.

After the doctors, we packed our bags for our "babymoon" downtown. Once we checked in, we couldn't wait any longer. So, we opened the card the technician had sealed away the info in and this is what we saw:

There it is, people! Adam now has two loves of his life.

After tears, champagne, sparkling pink lemonade, and some shopping, we got all done up and went to a late dinner. By late I mean, 8:30. We went to Del Frisco's steakhouse. I can't even explain to you just how badly I wanted a dirty martini. For some reason those are always the best at steakhouses. Instead, I had a mommy cocktail and bacon wrapped scallops. It was tasty and delicious. Adam of course celebrated with a meaty man steak and a few cocktails.

When we woke up this morning, our amazing babymoon continued with Adam getting to finally feel our little girls kicks for the first time. A memorable weekend at its best.

I leave you with a glimpse of how a romantic, memory filled day ends when you have a pregnant wife.

So much excitement to be had!!

Welcome to our family, you sweet, stubborn little girl. We love you more than words can describe.

Love,

a letter to baby b

Dear Baby B,

    Tomorrow is the day we find out if you are a boy or a girl. I never knew something the size of a banana could make me feel so much love. You haven't even arrived yet and already you've changed our little family in so many ways- for the better. Whether you are a boy or a girl doesn't matter to me. I'm just so excited to be able to call you by the name we've picked out for you and really get to know you. I'm starting to learn the times you move in my belly and something tells me you're picking up on when daddy and I are trying to catch a kick from the outside. You always stop moving. But I've been sneaky and caught a few of them. Don't worry, its just your parents trying to get to know you from the outside in.
   Whatever you are, boy or girl, you already make my heart swell to sizes I never knew possible. I can't wait until the moment when I can hold you in my arms and kiss you.

Love,
Mommy

Registering....

In the world of babies and things they need, A and I have not a clue. Sure, I've babysat for years so I know things that work for their kids. But what about mine? What things do we absolutely need and what things are just gimmicks and what things would be good to have but not a necessity?! It's a crazy world out there in baby land!!

Registering for our wedding a short 10 months ago was much easier. A new toaster? Sure! Oooh we need a new clothes iron. And how about a steam mop?! I've always wanted one of those! Baby registering is by far much more difficult. Not only do we not know what our little bundle of joy is going to be like, we don't exactly know what it is we will need in order to keep our little precious happy and safe. 

So, in order to help guide us, we've relied on the advice of one trusty friend who's just been there done that and the book I recommended earlier, Baby Bargains. Today we hit the stores today armed with a long list, my Baby Bargains book and excitement. I do have to say, registering for Baby B actually was much more fun than wedding registering. It helps it all seem much more real and for me, it helped to begin to form an image in my mind of what life with a new baby will be like. We were honestly both excited to be picking things out, although both very overwhelmed.

Here is a conversation that happened at the last store:

Me: Oh, I think we might need one of these little bathtubs for when we give it baths.
A: What? Why? We'll just wash it in the kitchen sink! Its a huge one!
Me: Umm ok. So, we're just going to drop the baby in our sink for bath time?
A: (Scoffs). No, K. I wouldn't just drop it. I would you know, hold it in there. We even have a sprayer!

To be fair, I think we both were exhausted at this point. But A really was trying to make a point that some things we just don't need. Problem is, we don't really know exactly what those things are. This is where having a Type A personality does not come in handy. (Side note: we ended up picking a bathtub that even has a sprayer attached! Can you guess who picked it out?)

Despite our preparation, it's still exhausting trying to determine which brand, price point and safety features are the best. There are so many options out there! But for our first time out, I think we did a good job of getting the essentials nailed down. I honestly don't know how people wait to find out the sex of their baby and I can't believe we thought we were going to. It was impossible not to look at all the adorable clothes options and most of them come in colors that are not exactly unisex. Therefore we've decided to set back out again into the baby land jungle to complete registering after the big reveal next weekend. 

And we just couldn't resist one little buy for Baby B. We both loved this onsie and it was in limited availability so we jumped on it. It's so cute and makes me talk all girly and high voiced and awwww when I look at it. Ahhh I just want Baby B to be here already!!

Sheeeedds!

My sister Caitlin's boyfriend has a fascination with Shedd's Aquarium. He LOVES it. Every time he comes to visit us, he talks about going. He wants to get married there, and we've even attempted to go once, but were faced with a 3 hour line. Shedd's has become kind of an inside joke for all of us.

So when I found out we were going to Shedd's on a field trip, I knew just the person who would be insanely jealous of my trip. In order to make him feel better, I tried to capture lots of aquatic pictures while we were there. That was the fun part of my day. And here's some that I captured.

Pretty, right? It really is a very cool place. And while I was there, I couldn't help but put myself a year ahead from now and imagine bringing our own child to visit the fishies and the dolphins.

Rewind to the present and there I was faced with six curious, energetic little 7 and 8 year olds, beyond ecstatic to be out of the classroom for a day and exploring Shedds. Honestly, they were amazing and too cute for words. Its a fun experience to be able to get to know some of your students in a smaller group, outside of the school setting. You get a peek into their minds and what they think outside of math and science.

But their energy. OMG their energy. We were only there for four hours and by the end of the day, I felt like I ran a marathon! Their minds just move so fast and so do their legs. They're all over the place at one time excited to see new things. It certainly was a glimpse into having my own 7 year old one day and honestly, I can't wait.

Emotional Rollercoaster

Yesterday was a tough day during the day...rather unexpectedly. Its funny how something so little can send everything into a tailspin out of nowhere. I was on the phone with my dad when we got to talking about my delivery. In all honesty, its not something I've thoroughly thought about. Sure, we've decided on a hospital and we know its "supposed" to happen in the middle of July. But I hadn't yet thought of the aftermath. What happens when the baby is born and everyone leaves? I guess I kind of panicked because the tears started flowing and then they wouldn't or couldn't stop.

Of course my dad and then A did their best to talk me through it. But sometimes, I guess you just need to cry. And cry I did. You see, all of my family lives in Michigan, at least 5 hours away. Its something that I've been fine with since I moved here. Sure its a drive, but its just that: a drive. I don't have to fly home and I can be there relatively quickly when need be. Not to mention, I'm lucky to see my family quite often throughout the year.

But an event as significant as actually having a baby is something I hadn't yet considered when it comes to the distance. Will they make it here in time for the delivery? How long will they be able to be here to help me learn how to become a mom?! How will I handle it by myself when A goes back to work?? Not only does my family live far away, A's mom and family live an hour away. Plus, people have to work. And then it hit me: I'm going to be all alone.

I've always been very independent. The leader of my brother and sister and sometimes the family as a whole. It has a lot to do with my childhood and its a quality I take pride in. The problem with it is, I have a hard time letting people know or even realizing myself when I need help. So yesterday, on the phone, there I was sobbing to my dad like a 5 year old about not being sure how I'm going to get through it. Its the first time having family so far away made me feel completely alone and it terrified me.

Do not get me wrong: I married the most amazing man ever. I have no doubt in my mind he will be here to help me through every step of our new adventure that he can. The problem is, Baby B's arrival just so happens to fall smack in the middle of his busiest time at work. So the poor guy will be working his tail off for long hours at work only to come home and work his second job as a new father.

Of course, the rational me knows it will be OK. Of course it will, it always is. First time parents around the world enter into the unknown world every day and have no clue what they're doing or how they're going to get through it under all sorts of circumstances. Of course we will do the same and of course we will get through it just fine. Yesterday's breakdown reminded me just how big of a change we are going to go through and that this is only the beginning. But I was also reminded the best part of all, is that we'll get through it together.

After I pulled myself together, A's brother Mike and his girlfriend Jess headed over to our place for dinner. And they brought with them junk. Lots of junk food.

Oh my word it was the best cure for a rough day. Not only that, it was a reminder that we do have family close...right around the corner in fact. And thats on top of the countless amazing friends we have living nearby who will no doubt be here as often as needed.

Everything really will be a-ok. Especially now that I've gotten off of the emotional rollercoaster. For now. ;)

xo,
K