Decisions.

One thing I never realized before I became a mom was the overwhelming amount of decisions you have to make as a parent. And for every decision you make, you almost always second guess it. This is not good for an indecisive person, but that's besides the point.

The decisions we make as parents cover a wide spectrum. They can be something as mundane as picking out the proper outfit for your baby according to the weather, or as big as what religion your going to raise your child in, if any. Some decisions are made quickly, in the moment and others are thought over for long periods of time. Whether it be small or life changing decisions, they all play a role in what kind of person your baby is going to grow up to be.

No one person is the same, so therefore I also believe there is no one right way to raise a child. One persons' choices may be way different than mine, and that's ok...barring anything serious of course. As a new parent you are constantly bombarded with what you should, shouldn't, must, and must never do. This comes to you by way of well-meaning family, friends, media and the like. These days it's very easy to drive yourself crazy listening to all of the garble that is out there about how to raise your child in the best way possible. 

I do not have a lot of friends with babies yet, so my experience with this is limited to mainly my moms groups, mommy bloggers I follow, and Facebook friends that have children. You begin to notice how people have chosen to parent based on the articles they share, posts they write, pages they like, etc. There are the outspoken parent advocates that insist on giving you all the information possible about certain subjects. There are parents who do everything all natural and are against most modern medicines and practices. There are then those who are against all of those parents, and so on. At first, I found myself poring over every article I saw because I wanted to be knowledgeable about everything I could, no matter my opinion. 

Then I realized I was going a little cray cray. I was constantly second guessing decisions Adam and I had made together, based on what I was reading. Sure, maybe there are some things we could do differently, but for the most part, we are trying to do what we believe is best for our daughter.

When Adly was around 9 weeks, I ran into a mom I know when I was out with Adly. She's older and has three kids. Almost immediately after oohing and ahhing over my daughter, she went right into asking me about vaccinations. Yes, the v-word. The word I never thought would wreak so much havoc in my life I'd actually lose sleep over it. I honestly don't care what other parents choose to do with their own children and vaccinations. I feel that's their right as a parent to choose what they think is best. I hate...or shall I say, loathe talking about vaccinations with other parents. It's a hot button topic that almost always leads to judgement one way or another. 

Anyways, this mom went right into a speech, accosting me over the fact that I had just vaccinated my child at her 2 month appointment. How she learned of this was by asking how old she was and then immediately saying, "Oh no...please tell me you didn't vaccinate her at her 2 month appointment!?!" And then she continued on to tell me I must stop with the shots because I'm only going to be harming my daughter even further. It's my job as a mom to keep my child safe and by taking her in for more shots I would be making a conscious decision to hurt my sweet baby girl.

There I was, a weary, exhausted, emotionally unstable new mommy, staring back at her with huge saucer eyes and an inner rage. How dare she make me feel like such an awful person! Yet all I could say was, "thank you for the advice." It was after that incident that I cried. I cried on the walk home and into the evening and for many nights after that over one of the hardest decisions we've had to make. I beat myself up over it and questioned myself. I questioned it with Adam and I lay awake at night stressing out over it. 

Choosing to vaccinate was not an easy decision for me, personally. You are willingly giving the OK for a nurse to stab your child multiple times in one sitting with mixtures of I'm not really sure what. It is the first time you will see your child bleed, scream from pain, and cry because of something you allowed to happen. But despite all of the recent backlash over vaccines, I also think they are necessary. And that's my right as a parent to believe that. Whatever my choices, I don't deserve to hear that I'm an awful person for making that decision.

It wasn't until I saw this article on Facebook the other day that for the first time since becoming a mom, I felt a small sense of peace with our decision to vaccinate. I also realized I was still holding on to guilt over the comments from that mom. Yes, the article is only one persons' view. No, it's not scientifically backed. But to me, it shows that no matter how organic, pure, and natural I make Adly's life, she can still get sick. She can still get hurt. Things happen. And in my mind, by vaccinating, I'm helping my daughter in the best way possible to stay healthy. That is my personal decision. And every person is allowed to make their own decisions for their own family.

 

Raising a child is the hardest thing you will ever do. You will never second guess yourself more than when raising your son/daughter.  Take everything you read, hear, learn, or are told to do with a grain of salt. Take it in, think about it, make a decision and move on.

That's my goal for the year 2014.