The Truth About 8 Weeks....

Here's the deal. The first 8 weeks of being a parent in one word...sucks.

I'm here to deliver the truth to you. I can't tell you how many people said to me before and after delivery; "Being a new parent is wonderful! It's the most amazing experience you'll ever have in your life! I loved every second of being a new mommy!"

Those people are all delusional or they're flat out liars. That, or they were a new parent years ago and have blacked out the first 8 weeks as a coping mechanism. Plain and simple, hands down, it is the hardest experience you will ever go through.

No one ever mentions that newborns are so incredibly needy and even worse, more than half the time its impossible to figure out what it is they need. That their cries can bring the strongest adult to their knees in desperation trying to understand what. What do you want? What do you need? What can I do to help you!? And the kicker is, they can't tell you. They never will, either.

I've struggled a lot with guilt over feeling frustrated as a new parent. In fact, it's even scary to write this, for fear of someone shaming me for being the worst parent ever. I had painted a picture for myself that this time would be all sunshine, rainbows and butterflies. I'd be filled with an incredible love for my daughter that is unmatched to anything else at all times. Sure, I'd be a little tired, but how bad can that be?? I'd be traipsing around town with my sweet little one, smiling at strangers and telling them, "I love being a new mommy! Motherhood is fantastic!" I'd spend my time working out, getting back into shape, and getting my life together again. The house would be clean, dinner would be on the table every night, and the world would be perfect.

Hah. Hah. Haaaah.

Here's what really happened. Exhaustion beyond belief, at times not sleeping for 48 hours. Looking at my husband and realizing we hadn't even had much of a conversation all night, beyond trying to figure out how to calm her down. Crawling into bed at 8 or 9pm with a big sigh only to be awakened an hour later by cries. Tears, tears, and more tears (my own, not the baby's, of course). Not brushing my teeth until 3pm on a good day. Eating whatever is easiest to grab out of the fridge and cupboards. Waking up and spending the entire morning prepping and planning for any event out of the house. Packing up everything, getting out the door, and into the car only to realize I left my phone, my wallet, my purse, my mind, etc. Worrying constantly about her safety. Questioning every choice we made.

I think a lot of the guilt I've experienced comes from the overwhelming perception society gives that entering into parenthood is the best thing that will ever happen to you. Yes, it is amazing. But it also sucks. Your life is flipped upside down by this little being. Suddenly, the simple act of even going to the bathroom to pee brings about the fears of, "Is she going to be ok?! What if she cries? What if she falls out of the bouncer or rolls off the couch?!" Any time you get alone with your husband is filled with exhaustion and just trying to even stay up and sit next to each other for an hour. What you thought was going to be a quick drive to the grocery store can turn into a ride of terror when there's a newborn who's letting out blood curling screams from the back seat for a reason you just can't understand.

As I look at my peacefully sleeping daughter next to me, who's now 9 weeks old, I can't believe we made it this far. But we did. And we all did it together, the three of us. Of course I love her more than anything. And in the times where she's calm and chatty or in the earth shattering moments when she smiles, I love her more than life itself. But it's still hard.

I know there will always be something new happening to cause us strife, worry, and stress. And I wouldn't trade any of it for the world. Well, maybe the lack of sleep. And the cries. The never ending cries. And the....well, you get my point.

I also have to note that if you ask me in two years, I'm sure I'll be one of those idiots who has blacked out this time in their life. And then you'll most likely find me saying, "Newborns are soooo easy. Being a new parent is AMAZING!! I miss their snuggles and their little bitty feet. Let's do it again!!"