Visiting a New Mama

Before I get into this, I have to add a disclaimer. The idea for this post didn't come from my amazing mind spaces. I actually saw a post similar to this recently and it made me think over my own experience. Of course, everyone's experience with the people in their life is different, so I wanted to add my own two cents to the party.

I was one of the very first of many of my friends and to have a baby. Let me tell you, baby world is uncharted for not only myself, but many people in my life. After reading the aforementioned article, I have to say I think I am unbelievably blessed with amazing friends and family. I was extremely lucky when it came to visitors, what they brought, and what they did.

Here's my advice, now that I've been there, done that in entering the jungle of mommyhood. One more disclaimer, I'm a dumb-dumb when it comes to this stuff, so I'm not afraid to admit I've NOT done many of these things when visiting friends prior to having my own. My apologies in advance and thanks for still being friends with me. Don't feel as if you have to do all of these things, but you should try to do at least one as you make your way over to visit the new earthling. 

-Bring Food. Seriously. Any type of food. A snack, a homemade meal, something you just picked up. It doesn't matter. As an avid cook myself, I prepared many freezer meals in advance to feed our family after baby. Unfortunately, once baby was here, even the thought of boiling water on the stove became overwhelming. Even when a new mom says, "no, no don't bring food." You need to immediately shut them down and insist on bringing food. I'm telling you, it will save their day and in all likelihood it's the only thing they'll eat that day. I had countless visitors bring over food and I always felt awkward about it. I'm an adult, I can buy my own lunch/dinner! But as soon as they arrived, I was able to hand Adly over and actually eat a meal...usually for the first time that day. I think, above all other things you can do, this packs the biggest punch. 

-Cut the Chat, Help them Out. I was terrible about this--and this was all my fault. Whenever friends came over, I was dying to catch up with them and hear about anything that was going on outside of babyland. So most often, I would sit my friends down and accost them for information about their lives. This is fine and dandy. But what I didn't realize until weeks down the road was I had chatted away precious time I could've used to throw Adly in their arms and shower, clean, do laundry, grocery shop, brush my teeth, pee...you name it. Now when I visit a new mommy, I'll insist they at least get up and brush their teeth while I get to gobble baby up all by myself. I'm pretty sure most people would jump at the chance to be able to hog baby all to themselves without the new mom hovering over them like a hawk. (Noooo, I never did that!!)

-Offer to Watch Baby. Again, we scored big time in the friend/family department. I can't even count how many people have willingly offered to watch Adly over the last few months--and meant it. At first I thought it was just people being nice. I'm not one to ask for help for anything, so I kind of just brushed it off. But then friends kept offering and after a while, I slowly started accepting. Eventually I even started asking for help here and there. Of course, I don't ask all the time or on a regular basis so as not to (I hope) make anyone feel overused. When I say, "offer to watch baby", I mean offer to watch them so that mom can run to the grocery store, go get a mani/pedi, a massage, take a walk for 20 minutes. Anything to get mom out of the house. She may not think so at the time, but she needs it. And you can bet that most new moms would never ask for such help, so as not to be a burden. So offer away--if you feel comfortable doing so.

-Clean...if You Can. This one's tricky. I say that because I don't know that I, myself could bust into someone's home and say, "where's the vacuum. I'm cleaning up this dump!" But if you ever find yourself in a position where you are in their house alone for a bit...CLEAN. Oh my word. I had a few friends who found themselves at our house while I was out. And when I came home and found a clean house, I could've cried. In fact, I'm sure I did. While I never thought I needed that kind of help, once it happened I realized just how messy the house had gotten. You have no idea how hard it is to wipe up the kitchen, clean the bathroom, vacuum, etc. when you have a newborn crying their head off for most of the day. 

-Schedule Your Visit. Don't just "drop by". In my normal life, I'm all for drop-in visitors. In post-baby life, you wouldn't believe how much it can screw up your day. People don't do this intentionally, in fact I think most people don't even realize they're doing it. But the weeks/months following birth are a blurry mush of madness. So many people want to make their way over to see baby as soon as possible. This is great and all, but the new mommy, daddy and baby need to have time to themselves too. Scheduling your visit allows the family to have people over when they're most comfortable with it. Additionally, if a mom is breastfeeding, your scheduled visit will allow her to attempt to make sure thats done and over with before you come over. Another little piece of advice is go back again. Seems simple enough, right? But the reality is everyone comes over in a huge wave at the very beginning and then as life normalizes, the phone calls stop coming. Check back in on the new mommy. Meals a month or two afterwards never hurt either...because, as I can attest, life takes a long time to become any kind of new normal.

-Gifts. Again, we had numerous visitors who came over bearing gifts. I cannot say enough how loved Adly really is. And the truth is, people just love giving babies gifts! If you'd prefer to bring a gift when you visit your new mommy friend and baby, then my suggestion would be clothes. Anything in older sizes. I guarantee that baby's nursery is chock full of newborn and 0-3 month outfits. And as you pick out the cutest little 6 month outfit, make sure that it is weather friendly for when the baby will be wearing it. For example, don't buy a winter coat for a baby that will fit into it in the middle of summer. No matter how cute it is. If you're stuck on what to buy, you can never, ever go wrong with onesies. Another idea is to think about the mommy! I once said on here (before giving birth) that I myself would want bottles and bottles of wine. I still stick to that...wine doesn't go bad (believe it or not, it took me a while to jump back on that wagon). I had one friend bring a whole case of wine over! She knows me too well. I also had a few people bring over a whole bunch of nursing supplies. They knew I was breastfeeding and I have to say, I used and am still using everything they brought over. See what I mean? We have the most thoughtful people all around us.

The bottom line is that new mommy's just love visitors. So get over there! It's amazing as a new mom to see how excited your friends and family are over your new bundle of joy. And it makes the new mommy feel loved too. Even if you don't do any of the above, I guarantee that any new mom will be glad to have you even just visit for a while...that is, unless you show up unannounced at 4pm while she's breastfeeding in the pajamas she's been wearing for four days without a shower. Trust me...it happens.