Emotional Rollercoaster

Yesterday was a tough day during the day...rather unexpectedly. Its funny how something so little can send everything into a tailspin out of nowhere. I was on the phone with my dad when we got to talking about my delivery. In all honesty, its not something I've thoroughly thought about. Sure, we've decided on a hospital and we know its "supposed" to happen in the middle of July. But I hadn't yet thought of the aftermath. What happens when the baby is born and everyone leaves? I guess I kind of panicked because the tears started flowing and then they wouldn't or couldn't stop.

Of course my dad and then A did their best to talk me through it. But sometimes, I guess you just need to cry. And cry I did. You see, all of my family lives in Michigan, at least 5 hours away. Its something that I've been fine with since I moved here. Sure its a drive, but its just that: a drive. I don't have to fly home and I can be there relatively quickly when need be. Not to mention, I'm lucky to see my family quite often throughout the year.

But an event as significant as actually having a baby is something I hadn't yet considered when it comes to the distance. Will they make it here in time for the delivery? How long will they be able to be here to help me learn how to become a mom?! How will I handle it by myself when A goes back to work?? Not only does my family live far away, A's mom and family live an hour away. Plus, people have to work. And then it hit me: I'm going to be all alone.

I've always been very independent. The leader of my brother and sister and sometimes the family as a whole. It has a lot to do with my childhood and its a quality I take pride in. The problem with it is, I have a hard time letting people know or even realizing myself when I need help. So yesterday, on the phone, there I was sobbing to my dad like a 5 year old about not being sure how I'm going to get through it. Its the first time having family so far away made me feel completely alone and it terrified me.

Do not get me wrong: I married the most amazing man ever. I have no doubt in my mind he will be here to help me through every step of our new adventure that he can. The problem is, Baby B's arrival just so happens to fall smack in the middle of his busiest time at work. So the poor guy will be working his tail off for long hours at work only to come home and work his second job as a new father.

Of course, the rational me knows it will be OK. Of course it will, it always is. First time parents around the world enter into the unknown world every day and have no clue what they're doing or how they're going to get through it under all sorts of circumstances. Of course we will do the same and of course we will get through it just fine. Yesterday's breakdown reminded me just how big of a change we are going to go through and that this is only the beginning. But I was also reminded the best part of all, is that we'll get through it together.

After I pulled myself together, A's brother Mike and his girlfriend Jess headed over to our place for dinner. And they brought with them junk. Lots of junk food.

Oh my word it was the best cure for a rough day. Not only that, it was a reminder that we do have family close...right around the corner in fact. And thats on top of the countless amazing friends we have living nearby who will no doubt be here as often as needed.

Everything really will be a-ok. Especially now that I've gotten off of the emotional rollercoaster. For now. ;)

xo,
K