Battle of the Swaddle

I'm the first one to admit that I'm quite stubborn. But here's something that's hard to admit. My daughter appears to be just as stubborn.

Uuuugggghhhh. Why!?!? Why won't my offspring just agree with everything I make her do!?!

I've noticed bits of her stubbornness here and there since her arrival, yet I've chosen to ignore it. Ignorance is bliss, in my opinion. But today, it smacked me in the face.

As I've mentioned before, Adly is akin to Houdini when it comes to getting out of her swaddles. And wouldn't you know, if she's not swaddled, she won't sleep. Today as I laid her down for her nap, I swaddled her up nice and tight, kissed her on the head and walked out. Of course I immediately went to see what she was up to on the monitor since I could hear she wasn't sleeping yet. Wouldn't you know, she had ALREADY wriggled out of her swaddle. Hmph. So I quickly whisked into the bedroom and re-swaddled her. No big deal.

Five minutes later, she was still talking and whining. Then I heard the famous smacking of her fist in her mouth. Seriously!?! She was out again!?!

So I went back in again. This time I was sure to swaddle her as tight as possible. There. Let's see with you do with that! Hah!

A short time later..... you guessed it. She was out again. If you've lost count, this was the THIRD time she got out. At this point, it was almost becoming a game. I saw it in her eyes. She was looking up at me with a smirk thinking, "Oh, you're going to try it again, are ya mommy? Go for it. Give me everything you got."

I could NOT lose this game. So I swaddled her AGAIN. She was pissed. I was pissed. But I was determined to come out the winner. Annnd wouldn't you know, five minutes later....yep.

Now there was no backing down. It had been almost a half hour since I'd laid her down. She was wide awake. But I had to win. I had to beat my 11 week old daughter. It's my stubborn nature. I must win. So this time, I went in with guns blazing. I pulled out another swaddle that we use for night time that is more heavy duty. I quickly whipped off her nap time swaddle that I now wanted to throw out the window, and slid her into the new one.

Now she was really pissed. No worries, sister, I'm right there with you. But your stubborn ass of a mother is not letting you get away with this. 

I quickly velcroed her tiny body up in the new swaddle and walked out. This time, I knew I was going to be victorious. I just had to be.

Taking bets on who finally won this battle? There's only one way I was able to write this post....

Adventures of a Big Girl

Wednesday night, after another very rough evening with a very cranky baby, we finally got Adly to calm down and placed her in the crib on a whim. Lo and behold, she laid there calmly for a total of about 20 minutes. It was the first time in weeks I had attempted it, and her reaction led to the realization it would soon be time to move her into her crib permanently.

Then began the anxiety. When do we move her? She's been sleeping so well- what if it stops?! Who voluntarily subjects themselves to more sleepless torture?! So for the next two nights, I continued to put her in the beloved Rock n' Play, all the while plotting and mentally preparing for my plan of attack I began calling the Big Move. That's right. It was such a big deal, it deserved it's own title. 

As soon as I had made the decision to attempt the Big Move, I actually took a good look at our little leggy baby in the Rock n' Play. It wasn't until then that I realized she had quickly outgrown it. Her feet were even hanging out over the edge of it as she lay in there at night. Seeing that cemented the fact that we had to make the Big Move, and soon.

I decided to launch the Big Move on Friday night. Hey, we get crazy on the weekends over here. All day I planned for it, making sure she was well rested. At bedtime, as I started her normal routine, I realized I was sad. My little baby was about to make her way into her first big girl bed. The first of a few moves into big girl beds. And then came the worry. She's spent the first 2+ months of her life sleeping in the rocker and it kept her safe. What if something happens to her now in the crib? 

Despite my fears, I went through with it. I knew I had to. Ugh. Being the bigger person is so hard sometimes! With misty eyes, I laid my little sweet pea down to go night night in her big girl bed for the first time. I swaddled her, kissed her, and then ran out before I really lost it. 

Of course I went straight into the living room and began staring at her on the video monitor. (If they invent a camera you can stick onto your child's clothes when the go to school so you can watch their days- I'll totally invest). As I watched her, I quickly realized our little angel was right at home with all the room she was now afforded. She was so comfy in fact, that she spent the first 15 minutes working to writhe and wiggle her way out of my swaddle. Dammit. I am so bad at swaddling! That girl is like Houdini when it comes to getting out of swaddles. 

So I sent in my secret weapon: daddy. He swiftly went in and with a few quick hand motions, worked his swaddle magic. Sure enough, once she was securely entombed in her cocoon, she immediately dozed off into a peaceful sleep. And then, lucky for us, she slept through the whole night. Of course, I did not. I stressed and worried that something was going to happen and all through the night kept checking on her through our high tech video camera. Every time I looked, there she peacefully slept.

I'm such a creep. 

There you have it. Just like that, my little, bitty baby has successfully made her way into her first big girl bed. Maybe by the time she gets into her toddler bed I'll be past the point of crying over every new mountain she climbs. But until then, pass the Kleenex!

A Lovely Evening

Tonight something short of a small miracle happened. My very cranky evening lady spent the whole night smiling away and being completely content. Say what!?!

I can't say enough how interesting it is that babies seem to have some sort of sense that just when you've reached the end of your rope, they flip a switch. We've spent countless evenings in the last few weeks dreading the 5-7pm time frame. For whatever reason, during that time Adly would turn into some sort of raging monster that couldn't be appeased by anything but the boobie. This was not fun at all for poor Adam who would come home from work only to be greeted by immediate cries and screams. As a coping mechanism we began bracing ourselves every night for the Adly tornado of cries by downing bottles of wine. Just kidding, kind of.

For instance, last night, we went out for a nice dinner which she calmly sat through. Then we got in the car. First it was a small cry, then a big cry, then just screaming. By the time we got inside, she was just MAD. We gve her a bath, which she normally loves. She spent the entire time screaming in pure anger, refusing to look at us. She's going to be hell on wheels when she's 2. I wonder where she gets it from?

Fast forward to tonight. She and I went to the grocery store to get dinner items. Adam wasn't feeling well and she was still content so I brought her with me- of course this was before 5pm. As we entered the apartment after the grocery, she remained calm in her car seat. As with everything we do, we watched her carefully to see how she was going to react. Dealing with a testy newborn is like tiptoeing around a minefield. You take one step, bracing for a reaction and if you don't blow to smithereens, you take another careful step and so on. 

I put her on the couch next to Adam in the car seat and headed into the kitchen to put away the groceries. That's when I heard her cooing at Adam and ohmyword SMILING AT HIM. I knew it had to be a fluke. My little munchkin doesn't smile at night-- especially when daddy's around. As I quickly hurried around the kitchen putting away the items before she exploded into a burst of cries and anger, she continued with her coo's and her smiles- all right at daddy. 

Let's face it-- these day's if she gives me an inch I'm going to take a mile. So then I began running around the house cleaning and picking up clothes that had been lying all over, then folding laundry, then doing the dishes, then starting dinner. And would you believe it...in all that time she sat in the car seat, smiling and talking away with daddy. I wanted to cry. (It's a reoccurring theme these days). For so long he has yearned to have his daughter smile at him and just enjoy being around him when he gets home from a long day of work. And tonight it finally happened. 

I don't know what got into her, but we'll take every second of it. This amazing event continued for over an hour before she started to get fussy. But that's ok. 

Thank you, Ms. Adly. For a very lovely evening. 

Love, 
Mommy & Daddy

Surprise!!!

Saturday was Adam's 30th birthday. In the weeks leading up to the big day, Adam spent a good amount of time lamenting the fact that our lives have changed a whole lot. That now it's just not possible for us to go out for a night, paint the town red with our friends, and then spend the next day recuperating and eating junk food on the couch. While he's right for the most part, I knew that this birthday was definitely cause for celebration. And that was when I decided to put a little surprise plan into action.

First off, I had to find a sitter. It couldn't be friends or really even family because I knew we'd be out late. This was going to need to be our first experience with a real sitter! Thankfully, I didn't have to look too far or go with someone we didn't know. My coworkers niece is currently living with their family and nannying for their son. She was open on Saturday and excitedly offered to watch our sweet pea.

Once that was in place, I emailed all of our friends to see if anyone was even around. I mean, we've been out of the social loop for almost a year so I wasn't really even sure if people go out anymore. Thankfully, over the next week or so most people had responded saying they'd be able to make it. Phew! 

Next was messing with Adam. As his birthday week came, he began mentioning he'd like to do something with his friends. Of course, I couldn't let him think it was possible so I then told him that our babysitter had to leave by 10pm. So really, we wouldn't be able to do that much on his birthday. Oh, so sad for poor Adam. (But really, think about it. What kind of sitter would agree to a Saturday night but then say they have to leave by 10pm?!) I also kept telling him I just wasn't that into planning anything with anyone. My favorite line was, "Don't you want to spend time with just me??" 

The night of the surprise, we got ready for dinner and headed out, with Adam convinced that we'd only be at dinner for a bit then coming home right after. I had our friend Josh text him while we were on our way to dinner to suggest we meet up with him and his gf Katie for a drink. Adam scoffed and pouted about that offer, being that we had to be home by 10pm. After dinner and a lot of not so discreet whining, Adam and I hopped into a cab on our way to meet Katie and Josh for just one drink.

As we walked out onto the patio of the bar, Adam was surprised by all of our friends yelling out, "SURPRISE!!". He was completely shocked. And of course, we did not have to be home by 10pm. No, the crazy new parents that we are made it out until the wee hour of 11:15. Party!!!

For both of us, it was so much fun to be able to hang with our friends and family that we've missed so much. It was the perfect way to kick off the next decade for Adam, after such a wild ride in the final years of his 20's. Of course, I was so overwhelmed by seeing everyone and blabbing on and on about the surprise and how well it went off, I didn't take any pictures. Thankfully, my loving hubby grabbed my hand at one point and snuck us off to the photo booth where we were able to capture a few snapshots from the night.

I know our 30's are going to be the best years yet!! So much love to you, my dear husband!! I so love the beautiful life we are building together.

Happiest When...

Our little munchkin is definitely developing a personality. Unfortunately for her, her parents both have very strong personalities. We know what we want. And so does our sweet pea. She seems to know what she wants most times and will do everything to make sure she gets it. Of course, at this point it's mostly just boobies and milk. But down the road I can already picture one feisty little toddler!!

I'm finding that the mornings are definitely the time when she's happiest right now. She "talks" non-stop most mornings and is famous for flashing those heart melting smiles over and over again. I caught this one this week and it makes me smile every time I look at it. 

Love her!

Must Have

As we've blundered our bleary-eyed way through the first two months, I wanted to give credit to a few items that we could not have made it without.

I remember being so overwhelmed when it came to products for baby when I was pregnant. What would she like? What would she hate? What would she absolutely need?

Here are a few things we could not live without. Mind you, these will likely all change in the next few months.

-Halo Sleepsack. Many parents use these at varying stages. We used this from the start. The main reason was because I am like a 2-year-old when it comes to swaddling. I cannot figure it out. And no matter what we do, our little ninja works her way out of any swaddle! Except this one....when it's nice and tight. Additionally, I'm convinced having her sleep in the same type of pajama sack every night helped us build our night routine from the start. Here's the catch...don't give in and feel bad for swaddling them! I did and I think that is what contributed to so many sleepless nights. She may think she loves having her arms out, but the startles are what keep you up at night!

-Soothie pacifier. Ahhh the paci. I was finally able to get her to take this after a month of trying and buying 8 different kinds of paci's. For whatever reason, she likes this kind. I was also excited to discover this type of paci is what is attached to the famed Wubbanubs. What the hell is a Wubbanub? Some genius who has been laughing their way all the way to the bank decided to attach a cute, soft stuffed animal to the Soothie and sell it for $17. This helps the little ones to keep the paci in their mouths. I was so excited to plop in Adly's new, cute, sweet Wubbanub with an innocent lamb attached to it. I put it in her mouth only to have her punch poor Lamby and knock it out. This has happened multiple times. Sigh. Either way, we put poor Lamby to rest and now continue to help her put her paci in over and over again. At least that works!

-Playtex Nursers. For us, these bottles have worked the best. We discovered that after spending a lot of money trying many different kinds. She has never had any problems with nipple confusion and can go from breastfeeding to bottle and back again, no problem. My advice is to at the very least, make sure the nipple is slow flow. That was a hard learned lesson for us.

-Playtex Double Electric Breast Pump. This was the pump I got through my insurance and was really the only one available. I wasn't thrilled about it at first. However, after two months, I think this is a fantastic pump. Best part is, it's under $100! It is loud, but it does the job. If you ask me, this option is just as good as the other models that run you over $300.

-Snap n' Go Stroller Frame. Wow. I don't think there's one thing we use more. My friend Laura emailed me a week before I gave birth and said if I hadn't gotten one yet- I really should. 8 months in, they were still constantly using theirs. So, I waddled myself into the nearest store and picked one up. Best. Advice. Ever. This allows you to take the carseat from the car and literally, "snap" it into the stroller frame. It's lightweight and super portable.

-Boppy. Seriously use this for everything. Breastfeeding, holding baby, helping others hold baby, propping baby, etc. Its possibilities are endless. You'll also want extra covers. I didn't get that memo and instead learned the hard way as I was washing mine daily.

Oh my gosh. She's so little here!

-Plain old white burp cloths. I received a lot of really cute burp cloths at my showers and I couldn't wait to be a super stylin' mommy. But when it comes down to it, nothing really works better than the good ole Gerber diaper cloths. They are littered all over our house, car, in my purse...everywhere. 

Lastly,

-Pampers Swaddlers. After trying many brands of diapers, having way too many blowouts, and doing way too many loads of laundry, I jumped on the expensive bandwagon. I love these diapers. Rarely do we have a blowout anymore. They seem more soft and comfy and in my experience, the fit is just overall superior to others. 

2 Months

No, mother. I will not smile on command.

2 months. That means it was time for the dreaded two month doctor appointment. The one with the shots. But we survived....barely. Here's what life with Adly is like at the 2 month mark.

-We're basking in her smiles on a regular basis now. Each and every one has the fantastic ability to warm your heart like a ray of sunshine. She tends to smile, then do a huge open mouth smile, where it appears she so happy she can't contain herself. Those are my favorites.

-Adly is hard at work on cooing. She's most talkative in the mornings, and is beginning to produce "ooooh" sounds and high pitched noises. 

-In the last few days of her first month, she flipped a switch with her sleep patterns. Hallelujah! For a week now, we have all enjoyed solid 8-10 hour stretches. One has no idea how amazing that feels after two months of severe sleep deprivation! Lets hope it continues.

-This month we've made progress with one toy, the bouncy chair. She can sit in it for around 20 mins, allowing mommy to get things done for a short time. Although, we're finding her tastes change on a regular basis so who knows how long that will last.

-Her hand coordination is growing stronger as she now grabs and swats at items. She particularly loves to grab chunks of mommy's hair or a finger.

-The girl has hulk-like legs and since the start of her first month she has loved to attempt to stand on people. When held, she will also walk up your body.

-Her eyes are still a beautiful blue with the longest eyelashes. We're not sure where those came from, but we'll take them! Hoping they stay despite all the naysayers.

-Thankfully she still loves to curl up on my chest for a snooze. We're beginning to transition nap times into the nursery, but I still tend to selfishly have one nap with her on the couch. I'm just not ready to let go of those yet. 

-Finally, she's ending her first month as a total mommy's girl. A little bit of stranger danger has crept in as she tends to do ok with someone else for 5-10 minutes then begins shrieking and crying until she's back with mommy. This is also happening with daddy which has been very frustrating for the both of us, especially considering she's the spitting image of him. Maybe she's jealous there's another face out there that looks like hers? 

The Truth About 8 Weeks....

Here's the deal. The first 8 weeks of being a parent in one word...sucks.

I'm here to deliver the truth to you. I can't tell you how many people said to me before and after delivery; "Being a new parent is wonderful! It's the most amazing experience you'll ever have in your life! I loved every second of being a new mommy!"

Those people are all delusional or they're flat out liars. That, or they were a new parent years ago and have blacked out the first 8 weeks as a coping mechanism. Plain and simple, hands down, it is the hardest experience you will ever go through.

No one ever mentions that newborns are so incredibly needy and even worse, more than half the time its impossible to figure out what it is they need. That their cries can bring the strongest adult to their knees in desperation trying to understand what. What do you want? What do you need? What can I do to help you!? And the kicker is, they can't tell you. They never will, either.

I've struggled a lot with guilt over feeling frustrated as a new parent. In fact, it's even scary to write this, for fear of someone shaming me for being the worst parent ever. I had painted a picture for myself that this time would be all sunshine, rainbows and butterflies. I'd be filled with an incredible love for my daughter that is unmatched to anything else at all times. Sure, I'd be a little tired, but how bad can that be?? I'd be traipsing around town with my sweet little one, smiling at strangers and telling them, "I love being a new mommy! Motherhood is fantastic!" I'd spend my time working out, getting back into shape, and getting my life together again. The house would be clean, dinner would be on the table every night, and the world would be perfect.

Hah. Hah. Haaaah.

Here's what really happened. Exhaustion beyond belief, at times not sleeping for 48 hours. Looking at my husband and realizing we hadn't even had much of a conversation all night, beyond trying to figure out how to calm her down. Crawling into bed at 8 or 9pm with a big sigh only to be awakened an hour later by cries. Tears, tears, and more tears (my own, not the baby's, of course). Not brushing my teeth until 3pm on a good day. Eating whatever is easiest to grab out of the fridge and cupboards. Waking up and spending the entire morning prepping and planning for any event out of the house. Packing up everything, getting out the door, and into the car only to realize I left my phone, my wallet, my purse, my mind, etc. Worrying constantly about her safety. Questioning every choice we made.

I think a lot of the guilt I've experienced comes from the overwhelming perception society gives that entering into parenthood is the best thing that will ever happen to you. Yes, it is amazing. But it also sucks. Your life is flipped upside down by this little being. Suddenly, the simple act of even going to the bathroom to pee brings about the fears of, "Is she going to be ok?! What if she cries? What if she falls out of the bouncer or rolls off the couch?!" Any time you get alone with your husband is filled with exhaustion and just trying to even stay up and sit next to each other for an hour. What you thought was going to be a quick drive to the grocery store can turn into a ride of terror when there's a newborn who's letting out blood curling screams from the back seat for a reason you just can't understand.

As I look at my peacefully sleeping daughter next to me, who's now 9 weeks old, I can't believe we made it this far. But we did. And we all did it together, the three of us. Of course I love her more than anything. And in the times where she's calm and chatty or in the earth shattering moments when she smiles, I love her more than life itself. But it's still hard.

I know there will always be something new happening to cause us strife, worry, and stress. And I wouldn't trade any of it for the world. Well, maybe the lack of sleep. And the cries. The never ending cries. And the....well, you get my point.

I also have to note that if you ask me in two years, I'm sure I'll be one of those idiots who has blacked out this time in their life. And then you'll most likely find me saying, "Newborns are soooo easy. Being a new parent is AMAZING!! I miss their snuggles and their little bitty feet. Let's do it again!!"

So true!

This cartoon came up in one of my daily updates from BabyCenter which tells me how/what baby should be doing at this point. It could not have hit the nail on the head any more perfectly.

Amazing how they seem to time such an event for right when you're juuuuust about to lose it. Everything sure does work in mysterious ways.

Smile on, little one!!

Cutting the Cord

Something has been happening lately that I can't handle. Sleep has become non-existent.

Sure, I can handle getting 5-6 hours a night...sometimes even just 4. But in recent nights, the new trend has been to wake up every hour- like clockwork- crying for no reason. I can't begin to explain how awful that is. I wake up, rock her back to sleep and then just as I'm falling back asleep....she's awake again. I have no idea what's going on, but I sure hope it ends quickly. 

This lack of sleep has forced us into the daunting task of transitioning her from our bedroom to the nursery. I want my bedroom back. It's amazing how such a small person has the ability to take over an entire room and this mommy needs a safe haven. 

I was talking with some new mom friends the other day and we brought up the question of, "when did babies start sleeping in their parents' room anyways??" I think a lot of it has come about in recent years. I know I, as well as many other friends I've asked, was put in the crib in the nursery from the get go. I'm not looking to piss off any advocates of co-sleeping and whatnot, but now that I've lived through one, our next child will be happily welcomed home into the nursery and it's crib right away. 

Because now, not only is Adly used to sleeping at arms length from us, but so are we. So moving her out is forcing us to cut the cord too. Having her in our room would be beneficial if I woke up and fed her right in bed....but I don't. No, I wake up, pick her up and carry her into the nursery to feed. It's all so ass backward I'm realizing as I write this. 

For her bassinet in our room, we've been using the highly addictive Rock n' Play. This thing is fantastic for getting your newborn to sleep. It's on an incline AND it rocks. From what I've read, this invention is like crack for babies everywhere. Here's where it sucks: once baby gets used to sleeping on that incline....it's very difficult to get them to sleep flat on their backs- like in a crib.

So far, I've successfully achieved 3 thirty minute naps in the crib. Not too shabby you might think. That is, until I say she can sleep for 5-6 straight hours in the rock n play. Which one would you pick when you're running on next to nothing when it comes to sleep?!?

This weekend, my dad and Anita came into town, relieving us of our parental duties for an evening. After not sleeping more than a few hours in two days, I jumped at the chance to have a few cocktails. But I also decided to make that night the first night Adly would sleep in her own room- in the Rock n Play. Ill let you in on a secret: I was too scared to do  it myself. This way, grandma and grandpa could be the mean ones, isolating her in her own room. I'm so smart! On top of that, I knew the cocktails would allow me to sleep soundly for at least a little while, instead of panicking over my baby being in another room and all the awful things that could happen to her. 

Thankfully, she actually SLEPT. Which meant I did too- for a whole 5 hours! In fact, I actually woke up at 2:54am, before she did, panicking that something had happened to her since I hadn't heard her. Had I slept through all her cries?? Am I the worst mom ever?!? Is she alive?!

I stared at her on the monitor for a bit, and then like clockwork she woke up around 3:15 to eat. I could've ran in there, picked her up, swirled around and screamed from the mountaintops, I was so excited. My baby slept in her own room and for the first time in two nights even allowed me to sleep!! I was so proud of her, yet I missed her. Amazing how that can happen in a 900 sq ft apartment.

It's baby steps, but as of now she is headed towards making her way into the crib. Lets hope this transition is easier on her than it is on mommy!