I have nipples Greg....

You guys. I have something to admit.

This one time, up north, I had to milk my boobs. With my own hands. 

And it was the worst experience.

I know, I know. Some people swear by hand expressing. I, myself, however prefer to rely solely on the modern technology of electric pumps. While I have felt like a cow at times, you've never really felt like a cow until it's 4am, and you're in a bathroom, sitting on the toilet seat squeezing the crap out of your boobs with your hands in an attempt to get some relief (I was sitting on the toilet because my legs got tired). Producing milk by only the power of your own two hands is not an easy task!

When we went up north, I packed everything. Or so I thought. When we got there, I realized I had everything but this little, tiny part to my pump called a flange. I never knew that without this little flange you can't pump. Once I discovered this, I thought maybe I'd still be ok. Maybe I wouldn't even need to pump after all? That thought lasted until the first morning when I woke up with Pamela Anderson sized boobies and a soaking wet shirt. Sigh.

Of course, my child could've relieved this quickly. But I'd jump in front of a semi before I would ever wake a sleeping baby, so I knew I had to figure something else out. I tried the pump just for giggles and of course, it still wouldn't work. They hurt so bad I knew I just had to get the milk out as soon as possible.

While I sat in desperation, this came to mind....

"That's it!" I thought. I can "milk" my boobs... just like I think you would a cow (or a cat) and sure enough, it actually worked! Within 45 minutes I had relief from the pain and a whole bottle of milk. I then patted myself on the back and immediately went to get a bag of ice to ease the tendonitis that was quickly appearing in my hands from all the hard work.

While I hope to never have to do it again, at least I know there are options out there. And now, whenever I get frustrated at having to set aside 15 minutes and pump, I bring myself back to that rock bottom moment of sitting on a toilet seat, in the dark, milking my own "teats".