Babies 101

This week, Adam and I took our first newborn class at the hospital where we are going to deliver. While I grew up babysitting and taking care of my little brother and sister, I'm definitely a novice when it comes to newborns. This would most likely be because nobody in their right mind wants to leave the sight of their precious new bundle of joy. Therefore, we figured both of us could use some brushing up on all things baby/newborn so we signed up for this class.

Here are some things we learned. I will say I walked away with my head about to explode over the information. There is so much to know.

1.) There is a man named Dr. Harvey Karp who's practices the hospital endorses. I swear he is the freaking baby whisperer. He is the creator of the 5 S's when it comes to calming babies who cry non-stop. The man would pick up a shrieking newborn with frazzled parents looking on, only to calm the baby immediately using one or a combo of his 5 methods. Our jaws were on the floor. I've got his DVD locked and loaded in the online shopping cart, ready to order on a whims' notice if needed.

2.) We now know how to properly swaddle. From what I hear, babies are not typically fans of swaddling. Either way, guess which one of us was a rockstar at swaddling? You guessed it: Adam. I don't have patience for step-by-step processes. I'm more of a "just wrap it up like so and tuck it in and it'll work somehow" person. Adam, however, has every step down to a science, so he will be known as the Swaddling Savior, I've decided.

3.) I'm terrified of overheating my baby in her sleep. It stresses me out that there's no real way to know if they're too hot because they don't sweat as newborns. It didn't dawn on me until this class that my child is being brought into this world in the middle of our hottest time. My husband sweats "like a rat in a wool sock" (his words) so our AC is always blasting in the summer. Gah. Will she be too hot? Will she be too cold? What about me and my wants/needs!?! And the bumbling through parenthood begins.

4.) Adam also rocked at holding the baby. He has the football hold and the one-armed hold down flat. I on the other hand felt awkward in every position. This was the first time I experienced the pang of "what if I'm just not a good mom?" Of course, I know I will be a rockstar. I've held plenty of babies and none of them were rubbery, unbendable shapes. It's just a weird moment when you're holding this doll that you realize that in a short matter of time, the one in your arms will be all your responsibility.

5.) We learned allllll about what baby poops should look like in the first weeks. There's a whole rainbow of colors you should expect to see. Something tells me our child is going to have some real beauties in that department. No worries. I'm already planning to be "napping" during any explosive, up the back episodes.

6.) Adly was kicking and moving about like crazy anytime the babies on the video were screeching and crying. This leads me to deduce two things. One, she was pissed off, trying to get them to cut the racket out as she would never, ever do such a thing. Or two, she was gleefully kicking away in anticipation of joining the ranks of newborns who cry non-stop. I'm going to go with number one for my own sanity.

What I mainly walked away with:

Having a newborn is a whole lot of looking at each other and going "What the hell does this mean?" or "What the shit do we no now?" or "Is this right!?" or "Pleeeeease stop crying and go the F**K to sleep!"

Next up, Breastfeeding 101.